Someone Still Loves You Nikita Filatov OR Is James Dumber Than a Hamster

Frigging NAILED it bro! (probably!)

OR

Look at those itty bitty goggles!

The regular season starts in only 735, 341, 221, 968 seconds*! Let us Zellerbrate this moment of our lives with the discussing of the stuff that hasn’t happened yet / might not even happen!

 Readers, maybe it’s the Black Licorice Smirnoff Ice I had for lunch talking but I’ve been getting my WONDER ON in regards to how Nikita Filatov is going to stack up in goal scoring coming into the Sens lineup this year in comparison to some of those who exited toward the end of last season.

Let’s all of us have a look at some of those sold away during Bryan Murray’s human trafficking and how they did goal-wise in the time they were with our broloved Senators, shall we?

Christopher Kelly – 12 goals in 57 games played

Michael Fisher – 14 goals in 55 games played

Alexanderei Kovalev – 14 goals in 54 games played

Jjaarrkkoo Rruuttuu – 2 goals in 50 games played

Christos Campoli – 3 goals in 58 games played

Whoooaaaaa, eaaaaasy there, Salade du Chef, try not to score ALL the goals! I have to catch my breath here from the so much the scoring of the goals…Okay, moving forward…

The Averages me being a complete dick edition (that unfairly includes Ruutu and Campoli): 9 goals in 54.8 – lets just call it 55 games. I had to punch that in a few times to makes sure it was actually only 9 goals. Interesting Note: Last year SUUUUUCKED, right guys?

The Averages Top 9 playaz club (No Camps or Ruutu to drag the avg down edition): Lets just round it to 13.33333333333333333333333333333333333333 goals in 55.33333333333333333333333333333333333 games

Some notes on these players: Look, we all love and miss Uncle Kelly and handsome Aunt Fisher. Im not knocking Chris Kelly’s numbers here, in fact, 12 goals by the trade deadline is mighty impressive for a penalty killing 3rd line centre. Mike Fisher, played a lot of the season injured and spent his time inOttawa arguably hampered by unrealistic expectations. Alex Kovalev did PRETTY WELL considering he was distracted last season thanks to the dwindling success of the 3 Pizzacone franchises he opened in his nativeTogliatti,USSR. That and battling the Beer-run media – you know what im talking about! Right Conspirabros? Am I right or wrong?

 Real TALK (and WATCH your mouth): For realtalk though that is NOT a lot of goals for what? 11 million dollareedoos of salary. Seriously…on some yipes-yipes when it comes to a cap space spent to offensive output ratio. So for 2011-2012 that’s 3 experienced top 9 players, 40 goals and 11M bones out the door.
Now, ‘round the Sensosphere (this is my last post don’t even worry) we like to talk a good “What have you 20 goalsed for me lately?” game and you know what friends? We should. I don’t know if you follow any of the other teams but did you know that some of them have MORE THAN ONE player that scores 20 OR MORE a season? But I’m not here to talk about the ELUSIVE 20 goal mark but I’m aksing (actual way some people say ask) you this gentle reader, can our boy Nikita Filatov surpass one of these players pre-trade goal mark at entry level money in 2011-2012**? Or beat the average? Plot thickener: If so, can he do it in the same amount of games? Most Importantly: If Filatov surpasses Kovalev’s total will I be able to dig deep down and manage to find new depths to hate that signing with? Join me here at the trade deadline in 2012*** to see how he’s fared!

The Filatov Factor: People seem to talk a gang of shit about him and there have been some moments that are a bit sketchy (namely that whole going back to play for Moscow thing…but now that I think on it Ottawa also has this thing that Rundblad might elect to go to Skkellephetsynthesizer of the SEL and no one is writing his career off so…). I’m giving the benefit of the doubt for now. Didn’t get along with Ken Hitchcock? You know what…I don’t really get along with notoriously difficult, stubborn people too! Didn’t fit in with the Columbus system? Really? After they did such a great job developing other 1st rounders Rositlav Klesla (?), Pascal LeClaire (retired?), Nik Zherdev (KHL), the OTHER Alex Picard (as big a marquee name as the OTHER OTHER Alex Picard), Gilbert Brule (fresh off waivers from THE OILERS…THE OIIIIILERS), and Jakub Voracek.  

Considering he was traded for a 3rd rounder the risk undertaken in his aquisition couldnt hardly have been lower. I have a pretty good feeling that given a chance to try out his sea legs in the top 6 for the better part of an NHL season he could potentially do it. Come muse with me in the comment section! This post’s comment section is sponsored by TheOliveGarden.com official breadstick provider of welcome to your Karlsson years****

 *real number
**rests on timing of Mayan apocalypse
***also rests on timing of Mayan apocalypse / not conflicting with a personal appearance I am scheduled to make at the Pizza Pizza in Arnprior, ON, BE THERE AND CRACK THE CARDBOARD WITH ME!!!!
****God willing.

4 thoughts on “Someone Still Loves You Nikita Filatov OR Is James Dumber Than a Hamster

  1. Awesome Post. Made me snicker a number of times. I was just talking to a colleague over the water cooler today about Nikita Filatov and how I thought he was going to be the breakout player this year. My friend didn’t want to put any expectations on him and was hoping that he didn’t turn out to be another Kovalev. I guess we’ll see starting tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

  2. Welcome to our underwater kingdom Praise_Alfie11. Maybe I’ll one day eat my words but I don’t see that Kovalevian Laziness in the kid so far. I am also looking forward to seeing how this whole mess shakes out.

    Note to self: “Considering he was traded for a 3rd rounder the risk undertaken in his aquisition couldnt hardly have been lower. ” Wow, my English is really coming along. Couldnt hardly have been better writed! GHOA CENZ GHOA!

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