James Day Preview: Cruddy Area Team Takes On Somehow Worse Team.

Showin off my new ink!

Showin off my new ink!

Hey there, hi there, ho there,

How’s everyone do- – *skips formalities b/c life’s 2 $hort and I ain’t got much thyme*

K, so first off…I must address something here. Something I have coined “Connor Coke Dreams.”

Look, I’m not saying the Sens are just playing rope-a-dope and are poised to break out and suddenly be amazing but my G’s out there who are prepped to get hubristic 97s stitched onto their knockoff jerseys (IT HAPPENS) chill for minute.
A quick look at the standings shows there are currently NINE teams below Ottawa. Many by a small margin but still NINE. Les boys are coming off an extremely rough stretch of games where they played some of the league’s best teams and many of them on the road. Bad as they’ve been of late, they’ve still managed to collect 5 of  8 points in their last 4 games. Their 6 overtime losses also shows that even though they stink, they still manage to collect those Penske points that keep them in the mix in the toilet East. They’re down but I don’t know if they’re quite bottom 5 out just yet.
At times like this, you also have to show some respect the Shittiness GAWDS. You know where this is going…You think Ottawa’s got suck game? Edmonton has dropped 16 of their last 17 baby fella. Ima let that sink in. 16…of their last 17. They have almost half as many wins as Ottawa, almost twice as many losses and they play in the West where motherfuckers play for KEEPS. Context: The Sens next game is against the Devils…the Oilers get to play the Sharks IN San Jose tomorrow. God bless the dead.
Now, I’ve gotten some counter arguments about the Draft Lottery making McDavid pick a possiblity, but is that really what you want to pin your cokedreams to? The current 21st overall team hitting Draft Lottery and it’s not even the 2015 portion of the season yet? Plus draft lotteries are a form of snitching. Also, you know that shit’s rigged and Lord Bettman is going to make sure the Penguins or Blackhawks get the no. 1 pick so #staywoke!

HEYYYY Sens could definitely go in the turlet from here but that’s completely dismissing the possibility that they could play slightly better and string together a few wins and play themselves out of that top 10 between December 17th 2014 and draft day 2015.
You think I DON’T want Connor McDavid or Jack Eichel? I do, I do, 1000 times I do…but I’ma wait a few months before I start digging into the draft rankings (zzz) and I suggest you do too if you’re tempted to. It’s supposed to be a deep draft and if there’s one thing the Sens organization is good at (and it might actually only be one thing at the present moment) it’s drafting. Trust in our scouts and go easy on your soul. The Oilers have more than proven that they rule supreme at securing the no.1 draft spot. If you aim for the king, you best not miss. So until the Sens get on their dropping 16 of 17 grind, you gotta give up to the masters. Oh also, the Hurricaines are really, really, really fucking terrible as well.

Praise B 2 Jah Gabriel Pageau
A lot of Sens lineup fahntasies are coming true tonight. With the injuries to the lethargic Zack Smith and whatever Chris Neil is at this point…tonight we get to see some interesting changes to the lineup. I don’t know about you Eddy, and I don’t WISH injuries on anyone, but Zack Smith has not been himself this season and Neil I’ve just been watching for the past 25 years and just want to see him “bring grit to a contender” at this point in his career. I recognize he must have some INTENSE photos of someone on his phone and is unscratchable for it so I will take this as a great time to someone fill his fortress of a roster spot. I’m super excited for the chance to see some line up options we might not otherwise if both were healthy. Oh also, Greening is back in the pressbox, #blessed. He hasn’t been awful I guess but we already have Michalek who gets paid the big buxxx to fill the role “he hasn’t been awful I guess” thank you very much.

Coming off strong games from Stone, Chiasson and Courteous Lazar,  who btw showed that is even his Ned Flandesesque patience has its limits and he could no longer wait for Greening to score a goal before taking is turn and bagged his career first. Congrats to the Iron Toddler. Bless up.
We get to see more youth and, thankfully, speed injected into the lineup tonight with the debut of JG Pageau. After a blazing entry into the NHL, Pageau was quiet in his 28 game audition last season. I am literally first and only person who’s talked about this storyline thanks for reading. Seriously though, he’s one of my favourite prospects and I’m so pumped to get to see the little guy back, long overdue.  fldfksdfl;ksdjf

On the Real
I have been a proponent of the passing of the torch in Ottawa for more than a minute now. Seeing Turris and Ryan wearing letters has me thirsting for the futuristic year two thousand and please don’t give Neil and Phillips another contract but I’m so scared you will. Ryan especially has just been oozing leadership of late scoring opening goals, nailin’ ‘er shut (bud) in the shootout, flashing highlight reel biscuits and just generally being all over the ice; all the while playing with a busted finger. Good times, bad times, dude’s been such a gamer for the Sens and I commend the guy for it. Hope he can keep it going.

Getting’ Jiggy Unreasonable With It!
Lastly, tonight needs to be a big night for goaltending. Lehner and Anderson have been heaped with praise so far this season and rightly so. They were essentially mostly responsible for keeping Ottawa above .500 for the first couple months of the season. It was almost a situation where the more they were pelted with shots, they better they performed.
Toward the end of Paul MacLean’s tenure and so far under Dave Cam’Ron the team in front of them has managed to cut the shots down to a more reasonable amount but the wins just haven’t been there. Lights out goaltending’s got to put them over the edge if we want to see some W’s.
It almost seems unreasonable to ask more of the goaltenders but I’m an unreasonable person so let me cook. Anderson needs to go in there and straight up steal this one. We knew from game 1 it was going to have to be that kind of season and with Marc Methot now in officially in chryostasis, it remains so…more than ever. So, pretty please, with Splenda on top, steal his one, Andy.

Enjoy the game despite it starting at 7:00pm and being on the road against the Devils!

James Day Preview: The Ottawa Garfields take on the Buffalo Mondays

Normal Stuff.

Normal Stuff.


Is hockey stupid or great? It’s a question that’s baffled anthropaleontobotonists for centauries. I mean, I certainly don’t know. Maybe I don’t want to know. Frankly, it’s a debate that we, as living people, can probably do without…also, I’m high on Angel Dust. Let’s talk about THE GAME…but first, allow me to talk at length about something OTHER….than the game:

We’ve had lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of fun so far After a quite a lackluster first quarter of the season, for better or worse or samsies, we are already bearing witness to a new chapter in Sens history: The Dave Cameron Era (dot net). I suppose I have been quiet about the whole Paul MacLean firing thing and since no one gives a good goddamn about what I think (MOM AND DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD) I will now briefly address it:

I was a big fan of Paul MacLean as a coach and a person. From his first press conference on, Paul was like a breath of fresh air for the organization. I remember thinking from the start that if the Sens were going to be mediocre at best , still developing team, at least the scrums would be entertaining. He took some pretty whatevs rosters to the playoffs two out of three times and gave us something we had been thirsting for since the fateful summer of ’07, a playoff win. A. Decisive. Playoff. Win. Against a rival with some of the most humble fans in the world, no less.
Now, to call the time that followed that glorious playoff victory “disappointing” would be…yeah, that would be accurate. Seeing our beloved team go from looking poised to take the next step and maybe just maybe be a threat in the east to what I’d call consistently lethargic was tough on the soul.
This is season was supposed to be a fresh start to get away from all that but things were starting to feel similar to last year and frighteningly early.
There was a lot of criticism of MacLean’s player usage among fans and at first I defended it. “Hey its not his fault that he feels obligated to shake things up in an attempt to get lethargic players going.” I must admit though, after a while, it felt like PMac was being flat out stubborn and at some points his decisions seemed bizarre.
“Paul,” I would say to my Dream Journal, “I get that you can’t fix Methot’s injury. And it’s clear that you don’t like Patrick Wiercioch and, fam I feel you, he hasn’t been tremendous, but has he be been ‘scratch him like 10 straight games bad?’”
My dude would shake the forward corps up beyond belief (I’ll get to that) but Phillips spent weeks as the team’s worst defender by quite a margin and would still get a boat load of minutes and, worse, not so much as a sniff for Wiercioch. Weird Choix.

As for the forward lines, if you follow me on twitter (thx 4 muting!), you know what my breaking point was with Paul MacLean. A little hot jazz number called, “MacArthur – Turris – Condra.” Like the Borowiecki – Karlsson pairing before it, this is not necessarily an indictment of Condra. Anyone who follows the team closely knows Condra is a great player…A GREAT FOURTH LINE PLAYER. Seeing shit like 16-7-22 whilst mired in a lengthy losing streak just had me throwing my hands in the air like I very much gave a fucking care. It was that one line combo in particular that just made me think, “What am I even looking at anymore?” Like, yeah, I’m a Cyber Badboy but I’m no coach (spoiler!) but maybex given the chance to unfuck things I would try something crazy like giving Bobby Ryan, a player who gets paid over 7 million dollareedoos a year to score goals, one full game on a line with two players that he was on pace to score over 40 goals with at one point last year. Yeah, I’m crazy. I’d try that. But you know, one blogger shitheel’s perennial 30 goal scorer is another coach’s 28 year old 4th liner who’s career high is 8 goals. CLEARLY I DON’T UNDERSTAND COACHING. I’m a let your strategy cook while dip this cigarette in some Sherm. It makes you feel good.

We’ve seen 2 games of Dave Cameron and so far we’ve witnessed one win and one loss both solid efforts but I’ma keep my expectations level. He still has the same flawed roster to work with and will face the same challenges (RIP Marc Methot) but I just hope if he does one thing that he calms things down a bit. Just play to the teams strengths and keep a semblance of a reasonable top 6 and I’m good for the balance of the season. Also, I think scratching Phillips took some guts.
Anyway, if the alternative was more of what we were getting from MacLean, I don’t see how this is worse entertainment wise. Lastly, if Cam’Ron can ease some of the tensions that apparently were festering with the star players and MacLean that would be fantastic. I don’t care about any of this coach killer talk. With the exodus of talent that we’ve been forced through as fans, excuse me if I side with making the players happy. If we’re going to be a mediocre, developing team for the next while, I still want to have a couple of players with the talent to keep butts in the seats thanks very much. Remember, MacLean wasn’t John Paddock or anything. He was in his fourth season as coach. Plenty of time for things to go sideways. Going into this season, as a fan, I was told that he would do two things. 1. Repair bruised relationships with players. 2. Keep the lines consistent. A quarter of the way into another lackluster season he’d done neither. I thank him for a lot of good memories and wish him luck in the future. We’ll always have May 2013, old friend.
End Rant. Thx for reading….


*straightens noose being used as tie*

Ahhh, the Sens get their long awaited chance to pad their place in the standings by playing the lowly Buffalo Sabres OH GOOD NOW THAT WE GET PLAY THEM THEY’RE ONE OF THE HOTTEST TEAMS IN THE LEAGUE.

December 15th, 2014: The Buffalo Sabres are one of the hottest teams in the National Hockey League because whatever fuck #BLESSED

Oh and also, Jonas Enroth is leading the team with stellar goaltending. Cool, well I guess the blogging gods just want to give me nothing to make fun of.
I suppose the Sens called up Pageau to park himself in the crease and cast a shadow over him…there. *Dusts hands* 

Oh and whats this? Tyler Ennis was just named 1st star of the week. Cool, cool, very cool. I don’t know what else to say about Buffalo because until recently, they’ve been Buffalo. So…


Whatever tho, they’re still the Buffalo Sabres. In their last three games, we’ve seen Ottawa storm back from a 3 goal deficit against the Canucks, hold it down and not get run over by the Kings and beat Boston…in an afternoon game. I can’t hate the Sens chances against the GD Sabres. In fact, if we see a comparable effort to their last two games we should be in for a h_ck of a match.

Pa………..oh, you know how that ‘geau.
After making a strong case as the best player in this year’s training camp, and receiving heaps of praise from Binghamton coach Luke Richardson, Jean Gabriel Pageau was called up from the AHL…to get Chris Phillips a fresh beer when he needs one in the press box. Well, if I have to wait to watch Pageau in exchange for a second straight game not watching Phillips, I suppose I have to take that as a victory. Plus we get to watch the most electrifying player on Earf and Milford Academy player of the year Milan Michalek!

POSITIVES: Going into this game a lot of the right players are heating up. Ryan and Zibanejad have been playing some fantastic hockey of late and with Mike Hoffman as their third, that line could go from heating up to downright dangerous. There must have been some magic in that old white fedora they found because Ziba’s been nothing short of the player we’d all been hoping for when he was drafted. Ryan? Well, this is how  my dude can play with a broken finger. Probably broke it pointing it into the chests of haters.

*Skips over Michalek – Legwand – Greening line because I’ve already put you through enough*

Wait…#actually, Legwand’s been doing pretty well lately…no one cares? We all agree, no one cares. Moving on:

Whoa now, Condra – Lazar – Chiasson? Now that’s what I call a forth line. A great possession/defensive player, an exciting rookie with a solid all around game and a big body net crasher who’s been playing against much tougher competition this season. Honestly can’t wait to check this out.

Your 2014-15 Ottawa Senators: Area Man Excited About 4th Line of Our 7th Place Team and How It Matches Up Against the 8th Place Team.

Lehner gets his second consecutive start. Should out to Lehner’s shootout performance. He’s really grown that part of his game. He only let in Marchand’s in-sane deke…srsly, check out that deke…. It’s mad stressful. I don’t know who the hell would out wait that.  Anyway, love him getting to build on a great win against a shitty rival who I hate.

Enjoy the game and remember: Iz just Sabres…and if the Sens lose? Blame it on the rain*

*Angel dust.

James Day Preview: Ottawa Visits the Detroit Red Wheels


Hi, listen, shut up for a while so I can ask you about a stupid thing:
You know when you write a whole game preview and your computer just inexplicably fucking TURNS OFF and you lose everything you wrote and barely even remember what you were talking about in the first place? I know. Classic event. Story of both our lives. Hype jam? Sure thing!

That’s where I’m at. 

Tonight we see the return of Courteous Lazar to the line up after missing a couple of games with colic (Source: Lazar’s paediatrician). Colin Greening comes out as I am assuming the Sens brass wants him to focus on using that juicy chess club brain of his to rewrite his Wikipedia entry to convincingly show his history of being a first line centre complete with fake citations that can survive being corrected long enough for Craig MacTavish to see it doing some down-low research while he suddenly finds himself on the phone with Bryan Murray. Seriously its gunna be so sick watching Nail Yakupov playing on his off wing on a line with Chris Neil and Derek Grant on the penalty kill. HEYYYYYYYY let me be the first to talk about player usage!

Projected Lines 4 2nite:


Should this game just be called “Prove us wrong David Legwand”? I really hope he can get something going tonight. I feel like duder owes us a bit of an awesome game. My expectations for him going into the season were pretty reasonable but the table’s set here. He’s not going to play with better linemates in Ottawa than those two…at least until he’s centring Turris and Karlsson if the Sens give up an early goal. He’s playing his childhood team and one that he actually led in points when he briefly played for them last season. Give us some of that quality Legwand that I’ve read so much about.
Anyway, I still like Chiasson on that top line. Not as much as I’d like Ryan up there but when you’ve got lethargic forwards like Leggy and up until recently Zibanejad I guess you have to use Ryan to get things going. Whatever keeps Turris – MacArthur together and Hoffman – Lazar – Stone intact. 2 out of 4 aint bad (Actually, sure it is now that I think about it).

What else? I don’t know… Clarke MacArthur has a 17.8 shooting percentage and its nearly December? Peace to the gawd.

Players to watch listen for: Justin Abdelkader
Expect to hear the name Justin Abdelkader a lot tonight. Is it because he is currently 2nd in team scoring for the Wings? Is it because Pavel Datsyuk is sitting out tonight and he’ll be relied on heavily? Nah, more just that Justin Abdelkader is seriously the most annoying sounding name. Ugh, its just this …sea of syllables. Every time we play the Wings its AbdelkaderAbdelkaderAbdelkaderAbdelkaderAbdelkaderAbdelkaderAbdelkader. Enough with the Abdelkader. It’s fine at first but you’ll see after the 2nd intermission you’ll be muting your tv and will do your own commentary while the latest (greatest) Coke Boys mixtape is blasting in the background. What? Oh, like I’m the only one who does that. 

Update: They also have a guy called Tomas Tatar?

Other Update: They play together? Ugh. Can we just get this game over with?

Defense pairings? Only one we need to talk about.
Borowiecki – Karlsson. Borowiecki – Karlsson? I’m no expert coach but I’d have drawn it up a little more like this:

Freebasing Cocaine – Erik Karlsson.

I’d have even settled for:

Marc Methot’s bargaining leverage – Karlsson

The fact that Wiercioch has not been able to stay in the lineup let alone make a significant mark on this team has got me into “Who will we get from Edmonton for this guy?” territory. It sucks. There was a lot of potential for this guy but you when you see Methot miss months of time and Phillips get to play with Karlsson, uhhh, okay? I guess he’s very experienced? Then Phillips gets hurt and they pair him with Borowiecki over a much more experienced, left handed Wiercioch? That’s pretty damning. I dont care if they are both offensive defensemen. Wiercioch should straight up have more of the coach’s trust at this point in his development to fill in with EK over Borowiecki. Hell, even Cowen’s spent good time with the king. Well, not GOOD time but time. At this point I’m basically asking Patrick Wiercioch to bump his trade value for ALL OF OUR SAKES. Should this game just be called “Prove us wrong Patrick Wiercioch”?

Craig Anderson gets the start after a couple of solid performances from Robin Lehner. With four games this week on two sets of back to backs as always the result of the game will depend heavily on the performance of the goaltendi–.

I know, I know what youre thinking. James, first you talk about player usage and now how the goalies have to bail out the team’s tepid defense! I’m going broke having to replace all these burnt computer monitors from my sizzling hot takes.

Enjoy the game. Sorry about all this –

What’s that? I forgot to mention something-something Daniel Alfredsson retirement/emotions/retirementemotions?


James Day Preview: The Ottawa Senators Host the Nash Bridges

pred 2 JDP

Hi. What of it? Who cares.

Let’s get right straight into today’s Hype Jam presented by Crystal Lite:

You exercisers out there, you are the true champeens. KEEP FIT AND HAVE FUN MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRRRS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So here’s the good news. The margin of error is huge here. Thanks to the Toronto Mapleaves basically anything north of allowing 9 goals will seem reasonable if Ottawa loses. If they take this baby to overtime? That’s basically like 3.4 spiritual victories right there! United in expectations! Cap Floor Makes Us!
K, here’s the bad news. The team we’re playing scored nine fucking goals in their last game. 8 different scorers too. E’rrybody feelin that fresh biscotti confidence right now. Which is nice? …for them?

Needless to say, the Sens are in for quite a challenging stretch of games playing the Preddss, the Winged Wheel and the Bluesmen twice over the next week or so. Daunting? Yes. Also a chance to make a statement or two? I JUST JINXED IT AND YOU’RE ALL WELCOME.
Let us be the seriousness for a moment. You wouldn’t know it by hanging around on twitter but the Senators have actually won more games than they have lost this season and are holding down a bubble spot in the ToiletEast.
Looking back at the team’s wins thus far, they have pretty much exclusively been beating hurtin’ ass teams (Columbus, Edmonton) and aight teams (Detroit, Minnesota). That alone is basically a better performance than last year but I cant help but notice the only very good team they’ve defeated so far was Tampa Bay in just their second game. When it comes to the high qual lot of opponents the Sens appear to be in the “Good for them for keeping it close and making a game of that loss” (like when they played Chicago) or “Hey came out with a point!” (like when they played Chicago) phase of things. Am I suggesting that they are due to beat a very good team like Nashville? Nah, nothing’s handed to nobody in this league (writing!) but I am hoping for them to surprise in a couple of these upcoming games as I cant help but look compulsively at the standings these days. Sure, it’s still so early in the season that less than 10 points separates Ottawa from the conference crown (not that I remotely expect that) but what I’m fixated on is that currently a mere 4 points could bounce Ottawa out of Wild Card territory and into what hockey historians call “the actual mix.” (Citation not needed as citations are a form of snitching).
Given the parity in the league these days, tiny point differentials in the standings tend to stick around all season, but still I feel like the longer the Sens can keep themselves above 8th place, the more they can get away with their average ways. *eyebrow wiggle, wink, tear*
With games in hand on a lukewarm Detroit, a lumbering Boston and a Toronto team that is currently a Diarrhea Factory that’s on fire and the only thing to put it out are high powered diarrhea hoses, the door is open for Ottawa to maybe move up a spot or two in the standings.
But again, HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY they are about to play a team that scored 9 fucking goals in their last game BUT AT LEAST THEY ARE ONLY IN FIRST PLACE IN THE CENTRAL DIVISION.

Your Starting Goalies: A Tradition of Respect…Continues.
Robinne Lehner gets the start in net. He is still searching for his first win since
1. The birth of his son Sycamore Aloysius Lehner
2. The creation of this assholish thing I came up with. What was I saying? Oh yeah,
3. Lehnny, c’mon, win the fucking game.
That’s simply a tremendous and helpful list right there.

Really though, I wish Lehner got a start on that road trip. I can’t be certain it would have resulted in more W’s and of course Andy has been playing out of his mind but therein lies a bit of an issue for me. You keep playing the hot hand in Anderson like MacLean did one has to assume that he’s eventually going to have a weak game like he did against Calgary. I tend to think that after a while you’re kind of playing Russian roulette with his sharpness. Whatever, I don’t fucking know (THANKS FOR READING) but I was really on board with the true tandem thing and now Lehner has to come in to a pretty huge game after not having played in about 2 weeks and is coming off of a loss himself. Hopefully he doesn’t look it because we really, really really need him at his best tonight (aaaaaaaaadoi).
Something called Carter Hutton starts for the Predators. In playing a goalie I have never heard of and at age 28 has fewer than 50 NHL starts, Nashville is carrying on a tradition of respect given to the Sens for a few years now.  Nashville is playing great and have some serious MFs on defense but I would love for Ottawa’s snipers to take advantage of facing so many backups. I would imagine that part of being the lowest paying team in the league that’s somehow in a playoff spot is capitalizing on teams underestimating you like this. Let’s stress out the Jason LaBarbaras of the world with high clappers and low blocker shots, huh?

Legs Will Be Wands.
Well, a big story going into the game is no doubt Coach Yod’s Psychedelic Rock Lines (available on gatefold special edition tie dye vinyl). The most controversial of all being the Greening – Legwand – Ryan line. A combo that I honestly can’t even picture those players’ friends and relatives even being stoked on.
David Legwand has not been well received so far and with fair reason. Having watched him in 17 games it’s pretty crazy to believe this guy put up 51 points last year.  What’s interesting for me is that he was brought on to insulate the center position and I was wondering how long it would be before MacLean needed to bump down a struggling Zibanejad and promote Leggz (assuming that has to be his nickname) so the 21 year old could regroup. Assuming the lines remain comme ca:
What positives can be taken out of it?
Hmmmmm. *25 minutes later* …..Okay I got a couple of things!
The bizarre feeling second line of Michalek – Zibanejad – Ryan did precious little to warrant MacLean keeping them together, so I suppose were not “losing out” on it’s demise to the shuffle. I do in one sense get that if there’s a player who could spark a second line that as shitty as this one, it’s Ryan rather than Chiasson. In fact, Chiasson has actually demonstrated a pretty impressive affinity for deflections at the goal mouth or at the very least, posing a threatening distraction that goalies must deal with while MacArthur takes a glamorous shot (Of Note: Faces Magazine voted MacArthur’s shot Ottawa’s Sexiest Shot to pose a threatening distraction to on a first date). I don’t mind him staying up with 7 and 16.
*Completely skips over Michalek – Smith – Neil line* 
Listen lady, we’re all sensitive people with so much to give and we have to YOLO every minute of our stupid lives whether it’s in the form of helping your dad move his office over the course of an entire Sunday, buying a new shower curtain or enjoying a hockey game on a Thursday following a week of no hockeys.
To this end, before the season started, if you showed me a piece of paper with “Hoffman – Zibanejad – Stone” on it, I’d probably say, “That’s a pretty exciting piece of paper you have there. Some dynamic things written on it as well. Care for one of these Rolos? Bet you havent had one of these in ages! When I was a kid I used to like putting them in the freezer and– ” And it goes on like this. Anyway, that could be a pretty fun line to watch. I think Zibenejad has the potential to create a lot of space for Stone and Hoff. Hopefully this trio clicks to the point that they get more ice time than 9 -15- 25. A GIRL CAN DREAM AFTER ALL.

I’m not even going to talk about defense. Fuck it. Thanks 4 reading.

Enjoy the game and remember: A win is a win is a anything better than a 9-2 loss.

Scotchcast Episode 8: Emotional Times

BLESS UP! Join Cyber Badboys Varada, Steve and James as they make the tremendous life decision of drinking hard liquor on a Monday night and share their emotions, shitty ideas and MUSINGS about everyone’s favourite team the Ottawa Senators. Topics include their EMOTIONS 20% of the way into the spiritual journey that is their season, betting several trillion dollars on who’s getting the boot from the roster when Marc Methot is released from his underwater prison and other frustratingly delightful tangents along the way. They, as always, take on hardball questions from you the beloved listener. Enjoy!

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Ottawa That 1st Period Against Detro Tho Vs. Minnesota City Wildernesses

First off, Lest We Forget…Tha Pass 

The most Swaggerless team in the West, the Minneapolis Wilds, snooze into town tonight. GET HYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYPED.
This team is so boring that not even Matt Cooke, a player who gruesomely sidelined our Captain for nearly a year, will be in the lineup to make things interesting.
Mild Rant: Take this moment as a pleasant reminder that you gotta hear both sides. Matt Cooke is a changed man. Oh, that Achilles laceration? Why he was just trying to neutralize the back of Karlsson’s ankle with the blade of his skate LIKE YOU DO in the game of ice hockey. It’s called Old Tyme Hockey. A throw back to the good old days, like the time that Bobby Clarke used the classic “use your stick to break the other team’s best player’s ankle” defense technique.  Good clean fun. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, WHATEVER FUCK!

Just Nudge Me if I Fall Asleep Writing About These Guys (or don’t, plz).
An item of “interest” for tonight is the Wild’s banged up roster. Zack Parise will not be in the lineup for tonight’s tilt after suffering a concussion. He is their best forward. He…is not playing. Matt Cooke is probably serving time in piece of shit jail and is also unavailable. So are some their other defensemen/who cares.
The Wild are coming off a 4-1 loss to the Penguins and are beginning a 3 game road trip. Can Ottawa take advantage of these things? I don’t know. They only seemed to do so against the Syracuse Crunch feat. Curtis McElhinny so far this season…but they also kind of just beat Detroit’s ass so should be interesting. If they can come out of the gate like they did last game I feel good but defenseman Ryan Suter is apparently amazing despite never getting written about and is no one’s favourite player. Oh, and Tomas “Gamblor” Vanek has one goal on the year which is hilarious. The sniper has one goal on the year so far. Let’s not be the #AccomodatingSens and keep him on the perimeter and …uhh…ON the schnide? Is that how you use that? *looks up Wickedpedia.org/schnide* Speaking of having trouble in the biscuit department…

Kyle Turris Please Stay Chain Fliffin’ and Don’t Get Snakebitten

Gunna be the flyest at the grade 7/8 dance with that chain! Still needs a turtleneck but I still see you shinin’ my T.

Gotta feel for Turris after that Detroit game. He had what must have been quite a frustrating outing against a particularly sharp Jiminy Howard. First, he had a goal waved off for some reason (WTYKY is sad to report that Mr. Howard has since passed away from his injuries on the play. Please donate to his memorial fund here). Then after, that he springs free on a shorthanded breakaway and all the way from the Intensive Care Unit at the General Hospital, Howard manages to flash the leather and rob him…k..THEN AFTER THAT Turris is closing in on a two on one break (did I mention how awesome the Sens played against Detroit?) and who else but old Selke Trophy McGee, Pavel Datsyuk is the one backchecking on the play and makes an impossible takeaway on a goalmouth tap in. He even had other great chances on top of these! With 2 goals on the year and only one that counts, I really hope he can put one in tonight otherwise it could start getting in his head and no one wants that. He’s playing pretty well (though some more face off wins would be grrrrreaaaaat) and I would hate to see this slump go on. Considering he once went a month without one he’s capable of some Schnide Time but you know what? He’s a Platinum Angel who plays with Perfect Hockey Player Clarke MacArthur and Robby Bryan, I think he can get it done. This game will likely be decided by offense because as Sir Mix A Lot would say, things are lookin’ paltry on the back end.

And they said we were FOOLS for carrying 37 defensemen!
So on a D corps already so fragile that we had to turn to 36 year old Chris Phillips who was on the 3rd pairing last year to play with Erik Karlsson, we are now short one Big Rig. As a result we are going to see Karl play with a rotating cast of every left handed defender on the team. I am reaaaaaaaaally hoping that coming off a good game Wiercioch can actually run with the ball and kind of calm the shuffling down. Why? Oh just because Mark Borowiecki who has only played 29 career games is slated to start with Karlsson and this makes me … how you say…uneasy. Actually you know what? I bet Karlsson plays both left and right tonight and ends up paired with everyone at some point. Play along with Karlsson Pairing Bingo at home or on your Newton™ mobile device! The outcome of this game relies heavily on otherworldly play from Karlsson. So, business as usual, I guess.

Marc Methot Health Status Update: Still need to confirm but hearing from a couple of sources that Methot was seen gingerly doing the Shmoney Dance. Progress!

Craig Anderson gets a well deserved second consecutive start after one of his best performances of the year on Tuesday. Despite being a fan of his I can give him a pretty hard time for his inability to stop the first 10 shots of the game but he rose up to meet an big challenge that night. After facing only 2 shots in the first period (one real and one of the ‘trying to get one on net to pump the stats up in hopes the coach will be less mad at us at intermission’ variety) he stood tall and looked absolutely incredible as the Wings mounted quite the charge for the next two periods. Crazy hard to be thinking about Madagascar for a whole period then suddenly having to face like 30 shots in the next two.
Musings: I think this set goaltending tandem thing has really made Anderson up his game to prove that ain’t nobody gonna hold him down from being no.1. I hope he can stay hot but he’s going to need a lot of help from the forwards as…you know…dat D. Speaking of stepping up…

Finally, I don’t know how long our boy is for this team (thanks untradeable Colin Greening Contract!) but I wanted to give some due to E. Hondra. This is a guy who is coming out of stays in the press box and playing consistently very well. That’s gotta be a pretty tough task. If I were him and I was only getting the odd game after being an steady roster regular for the past couple of seasons I’d be so distracted trying not to fuck up that I’d be playing like…Colin Greening. With Marc Methot’s impending return in mid-2015 (don’t hold me to that bold prediction!)  I worry that Condra’s useful skill set and reasonable contract will make him the odd man out when the Senators are forced to make a move. In the meantime, couldn’t ask for a better guy to insert into the lineup in a pinch. Shouts to you Conrdra.

Anyway, let’s go smoke behind the Quickie before the game.

The Ottawa Shot Differential Vs. Blue Columbia Jackets

See what we did there?

See what we did there?

*Looks up from filling Bronson Ave Petro Canada bathroom sink with hot water to warm up pack of Ramen noodles I found*

Huh? Oh! Hello haters.*hides noodles in hat*  I didn’t see you there. Welcome to this web-site.

So I guess you heard about the game tonight huh? And you want me to talk about it..Let me just comb through these post it notes that I’ve been using as napkins (want not waste isn’t!). While I do that,  enjoy today’s HYYYYYYYYYYPE jam:

Sorry I’ll find a song where someone’s a little more fired up next time. Still worth checking out if only for his interesting takes on doing what you love and the importance of having extendos. *invests in company that makes tattoo removal equipment*

So the last game is an interesting example of the thin line the Sens have been walking so far and the season we might be in for. Recap: They gave up a ton of shots, took a bunch of penalties and great goaltending plus solid penalty killing kept the game flatteringly close. An impressive push in the third period almost saw Bobby Ryan net his now trademark late tying goal but here’s the thing: He t’aint gonna be able to do that every time. It’s amazing he’s already done it twice this year but it’s too much to expect on a regular basis.
If he puts that feed from Karlsson in, they probably come away with at least a point. In this case, he comes up short and they lose. I’m not the first to point this out but this is the great risk we are in for with the return of the Penske Sens (Penske: Official Moving Truck of WTYKY, visit Penske.net to book yours today!).
It will be interesting to see how this shakes out over time. The Sens losing 2-1 on the end of a back to back on the road to a team as good as Chicago? I can deal with that. Losing at home to average at best New Jersey who were themselves on a back to back playing their backup goaltender in a game that the Sens should have been fired up as FUCK to play? That smells a little too much like last year’s inability to get up for very winnable games to make me comfortable. Ottawa has struggled to put up the points to put teams away lately and I present to you a big reason why…

Will the real Michael Zibanejad please stand up score points.
For a guy who’s played in every game so far this season, my G’s stat line is looking similar to a few dudes who get scratched regularly…or, you know, worse. I wrote in the off season how I think to expect in one season for Zibanejad to jump from a 33 point promising young player to 50+ point solid second line stud is a bit much. Now, notice in the bold print I said points not even goals necessarily. To shuffler extraordinaire Paul MacLean’s credit, he’s been giving Mika steady time on the second line. Yes, Mika’s had the tough task of a lot of defensive zone starts (43% or 43.2% if you want to be a dick about it) but approaching the 10 game mark? I was expecting an assist or two. He’s played the majority of his games with Bobby Ryan and Alex Chiasson. So for their combined 8 points Mika doesn’t even have so much as a secondary helper?
*Mark Borowiecki puts on his Mr. Assisty Assist 2014-15 sash*
No bigs right? After all, as the greatish Alex Kovalev once said, “Comes ze shootingz, comes Z goals.” Well perhaps most concerning of all is Mika’s lack of shots. He currently has 7 in 7 games and 0 in his last 2. That’s good for 13th on the team behind snipers like Chris Phillips and Zack Smith.

“But James, sometimes Zibanejazz is all about listening for the shots he’s NOT taking.”
- Michael Jordan, Gambler, Probably Bad Father, Rayovac Renewal Rechargable Batteries Pitchman.

Shut the fuck up, Mike Jordans. For the amount of ice time he’s been getting and quality of players he’s been skating with, not to mention power play opportunity he’s had, 0 points and 7 shots is pretty unacceptable. He’s been doing well at the face off dot but goddamn if crappy old garbage me expects more from a second line centre, I’d imagine the coach does as well. What I’m worried most about here is that if this continues, it could lead to a confidence destroying trip to the pressbox. Seems crazy but if you think MacLeezy wont something tells me the coach wishes a motherfucker would. Remember they sent him to Binghamton just one year ago.
In all, I think Zibs can erase this panic pretty quickly by getting a few pucks on net because as a fan of his, I would say his greatest attribute is his shot. Homie can get the puck off his stick in a hurry. Channel your inner Lazar, Mika. Yeah that’s right I went there. So Pretty please with sugar on top…take some shots, score some goals or else the coach could get psychedelic with your ice time and no one wants less stability in this lineup. And…

This is the part where I talk about Jarrod Cowens
Aight. It’s already challenging as a fan to be patient with this whole new world/new exciting point of view that is the musical chairs of who gets scratched and who plays.
Sarcastic Aside: This is BELOVED by people who try to write game previews in a timely fashion!
The bad news for the foreseeable future is that four of the most frequent healthy scratches, Cowen, Wiercioch, Greening and Erik Condra make a combined $9, 000, 000.00 or to put it in yeoman’s terms, roughly 16% of the team’s overall  payroll. You can just simply throw “Best Players Play” out the window until scientists find a cure for whatever Marc Methot died of.
With the exception of maybe Condra’s $1.25 million, sitting these guys hasn’t exactly been putting Joe Corvo and his $900K in the pressbox indefinitely. Just to add some “fun” irony, the relatively cheap Condra has been the best off the bench performer of these four guys. Cowen who’s been sat the most makes the most too at 3.1 million. Couple in the fact that he’s still in that “Be patient, maybe he just needs a wake up call” phase of his career you can expect to see him more as the season goes on regardless of how he plays. Pains us all, probably MacLean most of all, but with an owner as spend averse as Melnyk, a player who makes that much is going to get some games. So here we are, this is one of them. You can probably thank the Sens hot start for giving MacLean enough wiggle room to sit Cowen as much as he has up to this point. Two losses in a row and here he comes. Perhaps most disappointing in this whole affair is that Patrick Wiercioch has not exactly made the strongest case to permanently bump him from the line up. A pretty big opportunity blown. Why have one disappointing young defender who’s failing to live up to what they were projected to be when you can have two?
At any rate, Cowen has been bad so far but I’d like to think he’s still capable of A good game. Is that crazy to ask? ONE good game from a guy who has over 150 under his belt? Columbus is playing the notoriously tough first game back home after a West Coast road trip. They’ve lost two straight and are playing their 4th game in 6 nights. Catch a sleepy Columbus forward in the trolley tracks. HACK THE BONE JERRY COWEN. Make a couple of nice passes or something. Just help make us all be less mad at you.

Lehner’d Skyn…nyrd….whatever, thanks for reading.
Coming off an extremely strong outing where Anderson graciously allowed only 2 goals on 45 shots (an insane 34 in the first 2 periods alone) Craig will get the night off. Incredible Hulk protégé Robin Lehner gets the start (a-doi). With the upcoming schedule busy as it is (HEYYYYYY would you look at that Ottawa gets to play Chicago AGAIN later this week #blessed), it’s good to be able to rest your starter and have another good goaltender play in their stead. ISN’T THAT RIGHT TEAMS WHO’VE BEEN PLAYING THEIR BACKUPS AGAINST US AND WINNING? Dare 2 Dreeme.
Anyway, I don’t have much negative to say about Lehner’s play so far this season. I think Anderson’s been far more positionally sound but you can’t teach Lehner’s brand of Highlander jazz.
The Lehner has given the team just as much of a chance to win as Anderson. To his credit, Lehner doesn’t even have one of those 3 goals on 6 shots in the first period nightmares like Andy does, so that’s nice(?).
I know it’s their team identity, and this is going to sound cray-zay, but to me, the big key to victory is for the team in front of the goalie to actually show up and play some defense in the second period.  Yes, I’m being unreasonable but in Lehner’s last start, New Jersey was limited to 7 shots in the first. Period ends, zero goals against. In the second, NJ’s shot count doubled to 14. The result? 2 goals, a lead going into the 3rd  and a serious momentum shift in the game  caused by bad babysitting which all ties into that whole thing about we can’t expect Ryan to tie things up with the saving of the bacon game after game.

Vezina winner Sergei Bobrovski was added to Columbus’ already hefty injured reserve list today. Fresh off the IR himself, Curtis McElhinney gets the start for the Jean Jackets. I’m not actually counting this as much of an opportunity as our beloved Sens have been unable to take advantage of this type of thing in a couple of recent games. Need to stop making backups and third stringers (ahhhh my liiiife) look good.

Lastly, a get well soon to Nick Foligno who was injured on a very scary collision in LA two nights ago. Glad it wasn’t more serious. We’re sending our healing vibewaves to you, homie. Here’s to making a full recovery, Nicky.

K, enjoy the game, eat your fries, eat em.