In which we return from the cottage long enough to pass judgement on the new Sens’ jersey

Varada

Thoughts on the new Sens 3rd jersey? All I really have to say is 1) finally this team’s marketing department took the no brainer move and gave people what they wanted, and 2) NO GOLD SPARKLES!

James

“This ones goin out to the haters/ the haters / the draw string haterrrrrrrrrrrrrzzzzzzz” – Snoopy Dogg Dogg Feat Dr. Dre Medicine Womyn
 
Its great. Its great. I, personally, like the draw string look alright. It might have to do with reading too many Olde Tyme Hockey Parchments and growing up in the 1950s but I find the draw
string trend…Could. Be. Worse. Could be a Burger King sash, mascot from a Disney movie sequel asymmetrically jumping through ice, a Phoenix Spirit Guides Decorative Pancho or an angry hockey puck with muscular arms that looks like the mascot of a tire rotation and balancing centre (readers korner: What OHL team am I talking about?). I can live with a draw string.
Honestly draw string haters of Ottawa, call off your dawgz this once! This jersey looks pretty awesome you cant deny this.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnyway, Verada’s right that it seems like a welcome change that the Sens brass just did the easy thing: What the fans were clearly asking for…for years.
I think the internet is to thank for this. “You’re welcome” – Internet.com
I am starting to think this is going to be a rough season. I mean, the new scoreboard, the adorable attempt at a TV series, the nice new uniforms…either they are
trying to brace us for a bumpy ride or they are trying to make up for bad decisions.
I don’t really get bent out of shape over the gold sparkles. The sparkles have been there since the beginning. Through the good times and the bad. Speaking of reflecting on bad times,
these actions are giving me a hopeful outlook on the future dealings of the Sens apparel. What gives me this sense of optimism? The Buffalo Sabres. This poor
fan base has been kicked around time and again in terms of what they have to look at on the ice. Oh sure there’s the infamous Buffaslug but lest we forget that black Dominic
Hasek era angry Buffalo head or what I think to be one of the most underappreciated shitty uniforms ever http://www.goldenliterature.com/Pics/Sabres-Jersey-Old.PNG  (check that CHEST HAIR VENT!)
Did the Buffalo brass, who I imagine simply to be J. Jonah Jamieson, just chomp down on his cigar and say “Im not changing GAHT DAMN THING…NOW GET ME
SPIDERMANG ON LINE 2…AND GET ME DUCKULA WHILE IM WAITING!”? The answer is yes AND no. He did ask for Spiderman(g) and Duckula (RIP) but he also
realized the err of his ways. TOO MUCH TINKERING….CAUSED BY BAD BABYSITTING!. He went back to the original glorious uni and color scheme. Miracles (oops complete bastardization of that word!) can happen! It’s clear this time around Senscorp didn’t over think the shit out of it. Ugh. It makes me think of the Poochie (RIP) episode of The Simpsons where a boardroom of people are designing
the character…I think the meeting at SBP went a little something …………………………………..like this:

Glenn: “Guys, I want to sign off on this as much as the next person but I have to jump in and say SENS looks a little too much like SNES the acronym for Super Nintendo Entertainment System. Isn’t a bit weird to put a nickname on an official NHL product?”

Sally: “Ahhh, but that’s the subtle genius of it Glenn. According to our latest polling data Senators or ‘SENS’ fans aged 6 to 60 overwhelmingly prefer Super Nintendo to both the Sega CD AND Atari Jaguar platforms! Now, can we Flying Squirrel Clownify the insides of those arms by say 25-30%”
 
Bob: “Absolutely, more weird stripes on the inside. I’d also like to blue sky the idea of embroidering the Gladiator (RIP) who almost completed that stirring speech at the opening of the 2008 playoff game instead of
numbers on the back.”

Sally: “Okay, we’re way ahead of schedule here but this has nevertheless been a long month of meetings. I think we could all use a breather. Would anyone care to join me in another belt of scotch?”
 
All: “Yes”
 
Bob: “And I trust we’re going with “Back in Black” for the promotion campaign slogan/music right? Now that is a song people don’t hear ENOUGH. We’ll see if we can get Chez 106 to start playing it sometimes. It’s clever too because the Sens are BACK after being somewhere”
 
Glenn: “Of COURSE were going with that…its like…TWO things!”
 
Sally (into the intercom) “More scotch, Crystal!”
 
All: “Cheers! To being the smartest!”
 
Me “Sad Charlie Brown Music”
 
(Last names withheld to protect anonymity)
 
Anyway, hoping this leak is for realzies and that this is the new 3rd jersey. Team will be lookin sharp. Can’t wait to see one in person.

Varada

You’re right about those sparkles. They’ve been around since the beginning, and this we SHOULD NOT ignore. All those years when this team was loaded and could not get past the 2nd round of the playoffs / the Toronto Maple Leafs, all those years when it was blamed on a lack of leadership / grit / Gary Roberts / goaltending (Lalime’s sensational playoff numbers cry out in agony once more), all those years when we wondered how a team so deep it had Martin Havlat on its 3rd line could have such abysmal depth, maybe we should have said “Maybe it’s the sparkles?”
 
I guess what I’m saying is that this new uniform all but guarantees that we win the Stanley Cup this year.
 
I also love the new uniform. It is – ironic purchasing of old ’94 jersey on ebay aside – the first ACTUAL jersey I want to buy, even when I’ve very generously been offered an off-the-back-of-a-truck game-worn genuine replica Chris Kelly away jersey.
 
SIDE QUESTION: who the hell are you going to get on the back of this jersey? NO JOKE ANSWERS; THIS BLOG IS ABOUT SERIOUS ANALYSIS AND NOT THE PLACE FOR JOKES:
Antoine Vermette
Bahbeeleebooo Bhuhtlaahhhhrrrrgh
Tim Thomas
Game of Thrones
Nikita Filatov (the ‘O’ can be prised off and replaced with the logo of whatever KHL team he’s playing for next season)
Craig ‘Jesus Christ’ Anderson / just a picture of that monster roadster from his helmet
Daniel Alfredssson

Pete

To be perfectly honest (see: assface) not crazy about this look.

Seems like it’s trying a bit too hard to be retro. (Maybe that’s the point dumbass? Shut up, no Christmas while I’m typing!) I like the subtlety when teams go for the tribute or homage if you will, by adding slight retro touches. My opinion is that if you’re going to keep it retro, go light on the retro-ness. Striped socks anyone? Cooperall pants anyone?

The giant O leaves them open (ha!) to league wide ridicule, to wit:
The Ottawa NuvaRings (look it up…or don’t)
The Ottawa striped orgasms
The Ottawa inflamed o-rings
The Ottawa shrimp rings
The ringworm line (don’t look it up!)

I will only accept this jersey if they all wear old school brown, beaten up gloves and put a shit tonne of dapper dan in their hair.

Jersey I would purchase? Konopka

Prianka

After the ‘SENS’ jersey debacle, there was no where to go but up so saying that I am a fan of the new jersey is not much of a compliment. I really like that they went with a heritage jersey to mark 20 years of the franchise, although it makes you wonder what they will do for the 30th, etc years. I like that this one is a lot cleaner than the ones we’ve been seeing for the last few years (gold sparkles were the worst! It made me wonder who’s 13 year old daughter was helping design the jerseys), and they have also avoided having random and excessive stripes and blocks everywhere.

2 thoughts on “In which we return from the cottage long enough to pass judgement on the new Sens’ jersey

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