James to Conrad, Pete

Ever since I retired 12 years ago I have been on a fixed budget. As such, I had to listen to last night’s game by hooking up a homemade electromagnet to my gramophone. The sounds that passed though my hearing horn were most disagreeable.

Sens I would sign to lifetime deals:

Erik Karlsson? Seriously, 19 shots in each of the two games without the golden child in the lineup? I see a pattern emerging. I know they beat the kings but even as a fan I must admit that that was an absolute mouse fart of a win. Speaking of mouse farts…c’mon, 19 shots on Andrew Raycroft?

Lionel Hutz: “Your honor, this all goes back to the playoff case of Ottawa Senators vs. John Graham of the Tampa Bay Lightening.”

Remember that series? The Senators friggin rolled over that team because they knew John Graham was in net and the law of AK averages was at work “Comes ze shootings, comes ze goals” – Alex Kovalev, Productive Ottawa Senators Forward (Early Nov. 2010 – Mid Nov. 2010).

So, sure, the team that faced Graham in 1774 is much different than the line up of today but the idea remains the same. WHEN YOU FACE A GOALTENDER THAT COULDN’T STAY IN THE TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS LINE UP COMES ZE SHOOTINGS YAH?
………*deep cleansing breath* put Karlsson back in the lineup.

Jason Spezza & Daniel Alfredsson. Felt like those were the only two names I heard last night…eh, I think I heard Gonchar and Michalek a lot too…whatever I was busy drinking seltzer water and decorating homemade tshirts (not joking).

Sens that I noticed noticing me and I want to put them on NOTICE that I noticed them back:

Cory Clouston. Broham, I straddle the line of thinking youre the Jimmy McNulty of coaches. You don’t care if your Dany Frigging Heatley youre doing your line drills and I’m good police etc and getting paranoid that you’re totally alienating the team.

Also, This Texa$ Scrambler lineup up shuffling is getting weird too. Oh good, Gonchar back on the side he wasn’t scoring on paired up with Phillips whos having an awful season. Comes ze shootings comes ze shorthanded breakaways. What we signed Gonchar to a 3yr/16M contract to learn how to play on the side he never played on in the Mozzarella years of his career? PUT HIM WHERE HE’S GOOD. OH LOOK! THE CURTAINS ARE ON FIRE! ITS GOOOOD THAT BART DID THAT ITS VERRRRY VERRRRY GOOOOOD!
Seriously, hearing players, namely defenders, gripe about getting used to new partners so far this year is annoying. Don’t we have like 1 new player? Even Carkner was a lock to make the squad.

Smooth Jimmy’s Riding That “Comes Ze Shootings, Comes Ze Goals” Thing Into The Ground Korner”
– After an absolute dearth of scoring earlier in the season the Sens absolutely exploded offensively for a few games. We are due for some dizzying highs. And I don’t completely mean watching games on ecstasy.

Conrad to James, Pete

Like every game that takes place on TSN2, I watched the Sens game by refreshing the score on my iPhone while watching a staticky Montreal game. Montreal looked good! Habs I would sign to long term deals PK Subban ahahahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeesh.

But yeah, seconded on the Karlsson thing. He gets reinserted next game, guaranteed. I say if you’re gonna go with puck movement and possession, then go with it and let your team build around it. Hopefully they’ll have it down by the last third of the season, just in time for a heart attack run at a lower seed and will get hot just in time to really challenge in the first round. Sens are so fixated on being a contender RIGHT FRIGGIN NOW that if the wheels start to come off the wagon coach immediately starts tweaking. Patience, little turtle doves. You’ve got a lot of salary up front, and you’ve built your entire system around getting them the puck. Gonchar can’t do it if you make him play with a tennis racket.

So, speaking of tweaking and patience and contradicting myself almost immediately, when does this team call up AHL-leading scorer and he of 14 goals in 20 games Bobby Butler? And, more deliciously, who sits to make room for him? I guess the easy answer, despite his goal last night, would be Shannon, who’s inexpensive, or Foligno, who we’re currently dragging the lake in an attempt to find. The ballsy move would be to bench Michalek or Kovalev, both streaky. If your whole system is predicated on speed and puck possession, and you’ve displayed that you have no ability to wait for the team to gel, Butler has the wheels. It might be worth a try.

On a completely unrelated note, the Islanders have lost 14 in a row. Ain’t that something?

Peter to Conrad, James

Yikes, just looking at the box score is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Alfie, Michalek and Foligno all didn’t even register a shot on goal. Granted the first two logged almost 20 minutes of ice time while Nicky was only on the ice for 13. Allow me to re-iterate, yikes.

How many 2-1 games did we think this team is going to win? Not very many in my humble opinion. Do we really think Karlsson is going to jumpstart the offense? I hope so. Can’t we lose a 2-1 game in OT or a shootout, at least picking up a point? I feel like there needs to be some sort of town hall meeting for non-season ticket holders and other mentally unstables. “Coach have you thought of hypnotism or lasers?” “Do you think Michael Jackson is really dead?” “Barabbas, Barabbas, BUTLER!!!!!!”

I’m very scared someone’s going to have to remind blue’s clous that his B squad is playing in his home rink Friday night and that he should probably watch instead of staying home to drink seltzer and make homemade t-shirts (btw, can I get a homemade Dreamphone t-shirt?)

Looking forward to the game friday, I think he should put Foligno in the lineup against Hamilton, only to see the love of the game sparkle return to his eyes before he is pasted into the boards.

James to Peter, Conrad

I think that, yes, Karlsson can potentially jump start the Sens offensive. Isnt he the teams like…4th highest scorer or something? And his return, should he beallowed back on the powerplay by Coach Digby’s in the Doghouse, will put Gonchar back on his proper side ..so, yes, it cant hurt (save for Karlsson potentially taking eleventy penalties). God i hope Crosby doesnt have a Stamkos to grind on friday. I just barfed all over myself. Oh, also, Hott Tipp: A successful team is a team that doesnt take 8 penalties per period!

Homemade Dreamphone shirts will cost $1… or a beer.
We have them in your size (slim with the tilted brim)