Top Stupid Things Yelled at Games

“LEAFS SUCK”: while at a game where the Leafs are not playing.

Yes, they do. This is a matter of statistical fact; you only need to look at the standings to know this. But pointing this out during a game when they’re not even around is like being that guy who wears a Leafs jersey to a Sens game where the Leafs aren’t playing. It’s only telegraphing your insecurities to the world. (For Sens fans: that they can’t beat the Leafs in the playoffs; for Leafs fans: that their fathers hate them.)

“HEATLEY SUCKS:” When playing whoever Heatley’s recently been traded to this time.

Sure, he’s not that great for a player making eight million dollars this year. But where telling him he sucks might run counter to the whole idea of his general history of excellence, and thus be an expression of just how much we hate him because HE WRONGED US (or whatever), he also legitimately sucks now. I can just imagine any non-Sens fan watching on TV being like, “Well, yeah. You gave him that contract.” Makes us look like the bitter dump-ee.

“SHOOT:” At any time of the game.

Because the worst thing a team can do is listen to the advice of thousands and thousands of people who have never really given a serious thought to dedicating some time to an endeavour, let alone the kind of time required to understand something at a professional level. This is especially true in Ottawa, where 85% of those in attendance work a government job where they can’t really describe their responsibilities. Shouting “SHOOT” is like standing over a civil servant’s shoulder and yelling “WORK.” It doesn’t mean anything.

“DO SOMETHING.” The ultimate indication that you don’t really like hockey that much.

I don’t know what to say. That you exemplify all that our disgusting commercial lifestyle encourages? That instant satisfaction is not something you will encounter when watching a three hour sporting event where the score is often 2-1 or 3-2? That these guys are constantly “doing something” and that perhaps learning to appreciate those things that are not scoring is sometimes also pretty cool? Would you stand in a restaurant and yell “HUNGRY” over and over again until the situation remedies itself?


6 thoughts on “Top Stupid Things Yelled at Games

  1. …and the only sounds other than puck on stick should be the clink of a fine bone china teacup connecting with matching saucer and hushed greetings (“good evening, fine sir”). Maybe the occasional golf clap.

    Pardon my funny.

    Personally, I think hockey games are a spectacle, a modern day gladiator contest (but way less fatal). I think yelling stuff, no matter how goofy, reckless and absurd, is a great way to get into the spirit, participate in commeradarie, create an energized atmosphere, and show support for your team. Unless you are booing your team, shouting homophobic/racial slurs, or just being an asshole generally, I say give’r bud!

  2. I gotta say, I’m totally on board with the yelling of stupid things at games. The stupider the better because 1. I love making fun of things I overhear people saying and this kind of scenario is a gold mine 2. IIIIIIIIII yell “stupid” things at games. Ex. Nick Foligno springs from the penalty box, Karlsson (doi) deftly stretch passes him the puck, with some stupid team’s defenseman hot on his heels. I’m out of my seat “COME ON NICKYYYYYYY GO GO GO” I knowww the guy cant hear me…and even if he could I’m not helping him (well, maybe I’m guiding him spiritually, OTHER KETTLE OF FISH) but Im excited about the hockey game I’m watching. If I get hit by a car on my way home tonight (Final Destination 5 spoiler alert!) I know that my last words are going to be “HOLY SHIT” or I might mumble, “Bury me…at makeout creek” to some poor EMT trying to revive me…because I am a person who is prone to saying dumb things in the moment. As for Leafs suck at a non Leafs game, I think it’s a fun tradition that’s started a la “Potvin sucks” and it I enjoy the barb tossed at the guy who wears his Toronto jersey to any game. A lot of Toronto fans go out of their way to try to take the piss out of Ottawa fans at games (sorry but my experience points to this) and I enjoy returning the favour in good fun. Ditto Heatley. Sens fans get knocked for having no passion, well, here’s an instance that they seem to have an unbridled amount. I eat it up, though the “Dany Douchebag” one is a bit much for a family event.
    I can’t get behind the notion of complaining about people yelling dumb things at SBP one minute and then complaining about how the crowd needs to liven up at Sens games the next. The thing I would love to see go, and I want to point out before I say it that I know YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON WHO IS ALSO IN FAVOR OF THIS but im trying to make a point here so…anyway, I’d love to stop hearing people yell that some thing is “gay” or “retarded” or chanting “asshole” at the ref or generally swearing within ear shot of a child that’s attending the game. Can we calm down with the “gay” and “retarded” stuff in 2012 people? To me (and im sure most people) that’s what I could really do with out. In the meantime, I will continue to chant dumb things. I cant help in the moment and frankly its how I enjoy taking in the atmosphere. MAKE SOME NOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE *Sandstorm*

  3. I agree with your point about yelling “Leafs Suck” if they aren’t even in the building, but did you really need to go after my relationship with my Dad?
    Low blow Varada.
    Low blow.

  4. ON that note, may I just say the heckling and yelling at the ASG fantasy draft was embrassing and the funniest shit I heard… Ottawa, the finest peanut gallery in the land.

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