“LEAFS SUCK”: while at a game where the Leafs are not playing.
Yes, they do. This is a matter of statistical fact; you only need to look at the standings to know this. But pointing this out during a game when they’re not even around is like being that guy who wears a Leafs jersey to a Sens game where the Leafs aren’t playing. It’s only telegraphing your insecurities to the world. (For Sens fans: that they can’t beat the Leafs in the playoffs; for Leafs fans: that their fathers hate them.)
“HEATLEY SUCKS:” When playing whoever Heatley’s recently been traded to this time.
Sure, he’s not that great for a player making eight million dollars this year. But where telling him he sucks might run counter to the whole idea of his general history of excellence, and thus be an expression of just how much we hate him because HE WRONGED US (or whatever), he also legitimately sucks now. I can just imagine any non-Sens fan watching on TV being like, “Well, yeah. You gave him that contract.” Makes us look like the bitter dump-ee.
“SHOOT:” At any time of the game.
Because the worst thing a team can do is listen to the advice of thousands and thousands of people who have never really given a serious thought to dedicating some time to an endeavour, let alone the kind of time required to understand something at a professional level. This is especially true in Ottawa, where 85% of those in attendance work a government job where they can’t really describe their responsibilities. Shouting “SHOOT” is like standing over a civil servant’s shoulder and yelling “WORK.” It doesn’t mean anything.
“DO SOMETHING.” The ultimate indication that you don’t really like hockey that much.
I don’t know what to say. That you exemplify all that our disgusting commercial lifestyle encourages? That instant satisfaction is not something you will encounter when watching a three hour sporting event where the score is often 2-1 or 3-2? That these guys are constantly “doing something” and that perhaps learning to appreciate those things that are not scoring is sometimes also pretty cool? Would you stand in a restaurant and yell “HUNGRY” over and over again until the situation remedies itself?