A baconator came to me in a dream. And spoke with my father’s voice.

VARADA. THIS IS YOUR FATHER.

WHY DID YOU DOUBT? WHY DO YOU DOUBT THE SILFVERBERG AND THE ALFREDSSON? WHY ARE YOU SO CYNICAL ABOUT THE SENATORS’ ABILITY TO ‘BELIEVE IT’? DID YOU NOT RECEIVE YOUR TOWEL? ITS INSTRUCTIONS WERE CLEAR. DOES THE TOWEL SAY ANYTHING ABOUT CORSI OR FENWICK? NO, IT DOES NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT CORSI OR FENWICK.

WHY DID THE SENATORS NOT LISTEN TO THOSE SITTING AROUND YOU AND THEIR INSTRUCTIONS TO “SHOOT IT”?

ANYWAY, GAME SEVEN IS GOING TO BE INTENSE. AND NOT ONLY BECAUSE THE NHL MAY AS WELL RELEASE A LIVE FUCKING PANTHER ON THE ICE FOR ALL THE ARBITRARY BULLSHIT THE OFFICIATING IMPOSES ON THIS GAME. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WATCHED AN NBA GAME AND SAW ONE TEAM GET 10 FREE THROW CHANCES IN A ROW, OR AN NFL GAME THAT SEES ONE TEAM GET A 40 YARD PENALTY? YOU NEVER HAVE. BECAUSE THOSE SPORTS ARE REAL THINGS. THEN AGAIN, SENATORS GET A GOAL WITH 32 SECONDS LEFT AFTER WHAT WAS CLEARLY GOALIE INTERFERENCE AND SKATE KICK. WHATEVER THE FUCK. WHO EVEN CARES AFTER THIS RANDOM CRAP.

YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE YOUR DEGREE IN ENGLISH LITERATURE.

ASIDE: CHRIS NEIL WAS BOSS TONIGHT.

PUCK DADDY: “In a series that’s seen its share of inconstant, sometimes horrific officiating, who knows how Game 7 will play out.”

NO KIDDING. TOO BAD IT WILL HAVE ONLY 50% TO DO WITH ACTUAL HOCKEY.

ANYWAY: 20,000 FREE BACONATORS CAN’T BE WRONG. HOPE THE PANTHER IS ON OUR SIDE NEXT GAME. GO SENS.

One thought on “A baconator came to me in a dream. And spoke with my father’s voice.

  1. WHY DOES SENS TV MAKES ME WATCH THE SAME BELL AD BEFORE I CAN EVEN SEE WHAT VIDEOS ARE AVAILABLE TO WATCH? THAT HAS THE OPPOSITE EFFECT OF WHAT ADVERTISING IS MEANT TO HAVE.

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