Smooth Jimmy’s Key to Victory: Wait until Markov has to have a huge sneeze and RUSH THE ZONE!

Your father and I would like to talk to you about Kyle Turris.

So, I feel like I’ve been really patient about this so far. Kyle Turris is a human man who was unexpectedly thrust into the role of first line centre, a job that I time and again make clear that I think is one of the most difficult to have in the NHL. It’s also hard to front on a guy who’s leading a team in points (though it should be noted that Erik Karlsson is still in the top 3 despite not having played in over 10 days). Further, it isn’t like I’ve even been disappointed in Turris’ overall game of late. He’s been holding it down but I’m just going to say it: Kyle Turris hasn’t scored a goal in a month. Save for a shootout goal in a loss to the Pens on the 27^th of January, Turry’s last regulation tally came on January 25^th, 2013. You know the old poem:

30 days hath September

A month is a quarter of this fucking season

What the Jiminy Christmas is going on?

Even Dziurzynski has a GD biscuit in February!

Poems, right? Outrageous.

Look, I’m just a caveman, I can’t even imagine how hard it must be to score ONE goal in the NHL (let alone score them consistently) and hey he came extremely close against the Islanders with a deflection that I cannot believe went wide but hot damn am I the only one scratching their head at this after his extremely hot start? I know he was on the second line then but we’ve seen goals from call ups Zibanejad, Benoit, Dizzy and DaCosta in February. It’s not as though I think he should be scratched or anything I just hope the guy can get one before it becomes a “thing.” It’s been pretty clear how frustrated he’s been if you’ve seen him skate to the bench after yet another close one. Since I have placed “snakebitten” in the pit of overused hockey terms I will just simply state that a goal would take loads of internal pressure off of him and likely get him rolling a bit. Zibanejad and Silfverberg have looked loose and inspired after some recent goals. If Turris can get going maybe Ottawa can start to get some room to breathe in games.

So Montreal is a Thing btw…

On an interesting note, Montreal comes into this game as the Eastern Conference leader. Yeah, I didn’t really notice either. The Canadiens have been quietly getting it done posting up an impressive 12-4-2 record. Much like Ottawa I think that Montreal has a line up that may not be the New York Rangers in terms of star power but has a lot of know nothing know it alls that will sneak up on you. Right Sideshow Daniel Desharnais!? That and they have excellent goaltending. Ben Bishop will have a huge test on his hands tonight squaring off against  Carey Price. Both goaltenders are putting up Craig Anderson-like numbers in their past 4 games. Price with a .946 save percentage and Bishop with a .945. Price has the edge in GAA but as Roberto Luongo taught us against Detroit, you’re only as good as your last game. Really excited to see how Bishop fares in this test. Especially with the added pressure of Robin Lehner lurking in the shadows performing obscure and ancient Norse goaltending rituals cutting mysterious symbols into his face with sharpened mini sticks by cave light (look, I’m really, really sorry about all of this…truly I am)

The funny thing about this game is that despite being the #1 team in the East, Montreal is a  club Ottawa can beat (or at least tie if the refs don’t get in the way). I mean, Ottawa really exercised some demons beating Toronto on the cursed HNIC. Should Ottawa defeat Montreal in Gregulation (that’s right) tonight they will enter a tie with Montreal for 1^st in the North East Divisdpfaf I CANT BELIEVE IM EVEN TYPING THIS!!!!! I would be satisfied with this lineup just going .500, truly an impressive showing of late. With their 5th game in 8 days tonight this will be a slog for Ottawa, no doubt. I know I gave Turris the boots earlier but on a more positive note players you want to see heating up are doing so with Zibanejad, Silfverberg and Saturday night hero Colin Greening all riding modest point streaks heading into tonight’s match up. If they can keep trucking I like Ottawa’s chances.

Did you hear the news about Guillaume Latendresse?
Neither did I. Apparently everyone and their mother went for a twirl on the ice today which is about as useful to hear as how I have been trying to drink more water lately.

Related: I’ve been trying to drink more water lately.

The Rivalry That Wasn’t

Notice how no one really gives a hot F about the Habs fan presence at these games? Sure they’re there and it’s rough being a 21 year old franchise wedged between two of the most firmly established and fanatical camps in the league but the fact that it’s not really a big deal when MTL fans are in the house en masse says something about how leafs fans conduct themselves. Maybe having an iota of success in the last half century gives you less of a chip on your shoulder…

Enjoy the game!