Let’s start off with a wee song, shall we?
When you’re down and troubled / and you’re upseeeet with Kyle Turris / and nothin’ ohhh nothin’ is goin’ in the net / just close your eyes and remember / Dany Heatley has the same amount of points / except Heeaaaa –eee – eee –eetly / is a minus niiiine…(and makes 7.5 million dollars)
I know that making fun of other teams’ woes only deflects from Ottawa’s struggles but it can be incredibly satisfying in stand up comedy format. Observe:
I just flew in from Tampa Bay and boy are the Capitals tied for 14th in the East *Rim shot*
No, but seriously folks they are trailing the Islanders…who are ahead of the Flyers. *Rim shot*
I think about weird stuff like sometimes I’m at the grocery store and I think “What if Buffalo and Calgary were 2 of the highest paying teams in the league!” *Rim Shot, you guys*
Also, Calgary…that’s the joke. That’s my time you’ve been greaaaaaat!!!
COMEDY! *throws confetti in the air*
I’m just saying this year has had some really, really, challenging events but at least the Senators have a bit of a reason to not light up the standings. The depleted line up doesn’t make watching a losing skid any easier nor watching a 40 year old have to AGAIN step up and lead the team in points. Silver linings wise, despite all the heartstomping events that need not be named, this year has been easier for me to endure as a fan than watching the our Post-Cup Final run team that just could not get it together despite having a ton of talent in the line up. Safe to say, there are a lot of fans in that position out there scratching their heads as to why their teams are spiraling the toilet. I’m still fully appreciating that Ottawa is even above .500. If last season’s team was a scrappy underdog squad…then this team is basically a crew of hobo clowns who are roasting fish skeletons over a flaming barrel that was once full of poison goo under a bridge. Also, its raining outside in this metafore…I guess I’m going to talk about tonight’s game a bit…
Ladies and gentlemen, please rise and remove your hats for the unleashing of Robin Lehner.
Paul MacLean is a good coach (and according to his coffee mug I’m going to assume World’s Greatest Dad as well). Pitting Robin Lehner against his daddy issues was a very smart call in New York. I think we can agree that a Lehner with rage lasers for eyes is a good Lehner indeed. You know he was seeing all Rangers players as the experimental puck shooting machines that his father Ludvig Cornelius Lehner would test out on him in his youth before they were deemed safe enough for his precious student Handsome Looksqvist. That also probably explains why a puck that was going far slower than 100km/h confused him. Well, that and the fact that the person shooting it wasn’t screaming “I HAVE NO SON!!!” over and over again.
If Tuukka Rask gets the start tonight I’m hoping Paul MacLean leaves a book chronicling the Second Swedish Crusade of the 13th Century in Lehnny’s locker in an attempt to angry up his blood and getting him thinking about ways he can honour the medieval conquest of Finland. Despite ultimately losing Lehner was outstanding in his last start against Boston. Much like Bishop’s last game against Philadelphia, it was more a matter of the rest of the team not getting their shit together to score a couple of goals to seal the thing. Though Rask isnt exactly easy to score on with a 1.97GAA.
With Zack Smith’s recent emergence as a hockey player and rookies Silfverberg and Zibanejad contributing lately one would think that Ottawa has tiny bit more offensive going right now.
Oh Looooooook Latendresse is Back! So…I’m going to Talk About That Instead of How Michalek Is Out…
Okay, so, I’ve admittedly been incredibly hard on Gui “Sens Store Clearance Rack Jersey of the Future” Latendresse this year. His signing has so far been how you saaaaaay? Ah, yes, a disappointing one. He obviously cant help his injuries. He wants to be out there you know not ending his NHL career. Really, it’s the situation surrounding him has made the frustration grow so mighty. I figured that Latendresse was a very high risk signing going into the season but if he became injured it wouldn’t be a big deal because MacLean could plug someone into his spot. Instead, P Mac has had to plug all available personnel into spots outside their comfort zone all over the place and Latendresse has been the top 6 injury guy with the least amount of goodwill built up. Hard to figure what to expect from Latendresse now that he’s back. We got to see very little in the six games he did play at the start of the season. Despite a sweet feed on a Turris goal (just to accentuate how long ago THAT was) he looked post-baconator sluggish out there. I dont know if having several weeks off in the meantime will help that sluggishness but if he can recapture that “one assist” magic well…that will mean that someone scored a goal. Get well soon everyone!
Alleged top 6 player Peter Regin is a healthy scratch for tonight with Kaspars Daugavins drawing in. With the team’s current biggest need being getting points on the scoreboard one has to wonder why Regin is getting scra—oh 2 assists in 18 games? 2 assists in 18 games. Perspective putter: Human forklift Eric Gryba has 3 assists in 11 games. So…
On the subject of points, credit to Gonchar for notching 3 in his last 2 games. Keep up the good work 🙂 ………….. For fuck’s sake. 🙂 🙂 🙂
Congratulations go out to Jakob Silfverberg on finally besting Karlsson’s 63 shots on net. Only took 11 games for someone to catch up. Now can someone please top EK’s 6 goals? Something tells me that rookies Zibby, Silf and Wiercioch might start getting some real traction offense wise. btw to clearify “Something tells me” = I just really want that to happen. SPORTS ANALYSIS.
Enjoy the game! Oh wait its Boston and they are incredibly boring to watch! Enjoy making fun of the game on twitter with me!