Ugh……*notices you* Oh uhhh… Hi! I mean,
Guess what! The Sens REALLY need to win this goddamn game for a few reasons:
1. If they don’t win, well, if you think they’re low in the standings now…
2. Philadelphia Flyers: Not that good.
3. Ottawa hasn’t beaten Philadelphia this year for some reason. A loss tonight would mean a season sweep…I mean…………..c’mon.
4. A home win would be, y’know, NICE. Still only 4 home wins on the season.
5. 4 home wins this season
6. 4 wins at home so far this season
7. The Ottawa Senators have won only 4 games on home ice this season.
8. We’re behind the Bluejackets in the standings and I would like to stop butting out cigarettes into my forearm for five minutes.
9. *Charlie Brown music*
Headline: SENS SHOCKER, ZIBA TO COACH “I HAD SEX WITH YOUR WIFE!!!!”
Listen, your father and I would like to have a serious discussion with you about how the world works. When a man loves a woman very, very much he might ask her to spend the rest of his life with her in holy macaroni. If some day his wife sleeps with a young, handsome Swedish forward of Iranian-Finnish decent, in order to exact revenge the man will banish that young forward to the forth line of the professional hockey team he coaches because we’re all sensitive people with so much to give and the world’s a complicated place AND THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I COULD POSSIBLY EXPLAIN WHY THIS KEEPS HAPPENING. Also Mike Hoffman is not playing for some reason.
A word on Zibanejad: You don’t sit in 4th place in goals among forwards and play like a top 6 player without making a few enemies. I don’t know what the purpose of putting a guy who’s been putting up points on the fourth line is. Here’s a guess, is it to finally “get Kassian going”? I’m perplexed.
A word on Kassian: Honestly, I’m not opening the enforcer debate. I actually didn’t have much of a problem with Carkner nor Konopka. Carkner could take a regular shift as a bottom pairing d man and Zenon was a faceoff expert (two uses!). Kassian averages less than 4 minutes per game. In a game Ottawa needs to win as desperately as this one, it feels like we’re weakening our forward corps because something-something the Flyers have Jay Rosehill. Honestly, you don’t HAVE to fight that guy (ask Brooks Orpik) and instead you could give Binghamton captain and points leader Mike Hoffman a fourth game to try to find his way. Just advice from a garbage fisherman from Garbage Island.
A word on Conacher: Hmm, let’s see here, *puts on reading glasses, opens latest issue of Ottawa Senators Aficionado magazine* Let’s take a look here mmm ah, Conacher, Cory. Hmmkay, 29 games playyyed, 2 goals, 2 assists *squints* oops says THREE assists. Hmph the more you know. I say, pretty #sic season so far.
A word on Hoffman: I suppose when you’re given top six time immediately upon getting called up you have to do something with it very quickly as it is very valuable ice time and ice time is ice money and ice money is icepreapprovedpaydayloans.com. Since he is waiver bound upon demotion, I suppose Hoff is up for a long look and this is a precautionary benching to keep him on his toes going forward (evidenced by this morning’s apparent bag skate he was on the business end of).
Heyyyyy Craig Anderson gets the start. I don’t even know what that means anymore THANKS FOR READING!
Move over Robin Lehner, there’s a NEW goalie in town who can’t get it done in the shootout! I kid because I love. It’s hard to judge a hockey team on their performance in the shootout because it’s not actually the game of hockey! What? Has James broken his LEGENDARY silence on how he feels about the shootout? Hmm not really though admittedly the Sens going something like 0-10 in the shootout has definitely made me hate it until further notice.
What was I talking about again? Oh yes, Graig Mandesson. Have we traveled from a universe where we had a goalie who was bound for Vezina glory just one season ago (IN THIS CALENDAR YEAR BTW) to a parallel existence where I am unsure about that same guy’s ability to out duel Steve Mason? What world is this? If I smash my head into a brick wall in this dimension will the James who is watching excellent Craig Anderson in the parallel world also feel it? I’m asking because I’m very jealous of him and want him to experience my pain.
Despite both of them having terrible records this year, I feel Lehner has provided the best chance of bailing out the team and so now I go into every Anderson start feeling extremely shaky. I’m not ready to throw in the towel on Andy or anything but he neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeds to finally make our beloved Steve REST HIS CASE and stop the first ten shots of the game before I’m ready to go back to believing that this is the same Craig Anderson that we know and love. It’s a huge game tonight Craig, you’ve played bigger games PLEASE MAKE ME A BELIEVER AGAIN!
Does anyone else feel like Karlsson has been playing out of his mind good lately?
Even in losses I’ve been pretty blown away by some of the stuff he’s been doing out there. Did you see how pumped he was when he tied that game that wont be named? ICYMI, his celly looked a little something…. like this:
As for the rest of the defense umm…I don’t know. Figure it out, you guys? Wiercioch has been better lately. Uhh, Philips is 3rd in power play points (????)…Methot was invited to Olympic camp at one point? Hold on, I’m floundering here. This calls for back up:
Me: SIRI, please make something out of this:
<bleep BLOOP> SIRI: I’m sorry I cannot make out with something Mark Methylamine at this time.
A closing note on the importance of this game: The East has been pathetically bad to the point that the Senators hopes aren’t even completely dashed despite RARELY winning. The odds of them making the playoffs have decreased significantly in the past couple of weeks but again due to the pathetic conference featuring things like Toronto’s dropping 7 of their last 10 games (ACCEPT OF COURSE AGAINST YOUR #ACCOMMODATINGSENS ON HOME ICE), the boys still have a glimmer of hope. It would seem the Viking Death Ship is turning around in terms of overall play but to me the bigger picture is this: Is a team that has only managed to pull out 4 wins on home ice by mid December and is only ahead of Florida and Buffalo one you even WANT to see in the playoffs? I actually still do I think. If only for the morale of the team and fans. If the boys start picking up more W’s in their own barn, it could still be a pretty productive month. If not, well, ENJOY THE GAME!(?)
Brooks Orpik; I f’in hate this guy on a good day. To see him go down in a heap (not smash his head off the ice or ANYTHING!) take two punches (looked like softies my little brother could have taken) and have to be carted off to the Hospital was more than I needed to call this guy a huge pussy. Maybe I missed something in the ensuing bru-ha-ha, but seriously watch the replay and tell me he officially had his bell rung. Look at the list of fights he’s got and you will find he’s great at throwing his 230lbs around; around skilled (non fighting) players. The second the que comes up where this guy should take some medicine he pusses out big time. I’m not defending Shawn Thornton’s actions but can you really blame the guy?! I would have lost my shit earlier. Bottom line; Orpik: grow a pair bud. Why is it the Penguins seem to have these guys in spades?
Last note; That game we shall not speak of was a heartbreaker. I know the shootout is your most favorite thing, so I ask you WTF is with Mac and Spezza/Michalek/Whoever else doesn’t score in a shootout? My shootout line up as follows; BFR!!, Karlsson, Clarke-boy. These guys got the hands/speed to do what it takes in close. I may very well be full on wrong, and everyone would flop, but BFR! seriously! He needs to be in that top 3!
We need a win tonight boys. Lets get it done in regulation eh? What do ya say!
Brooks Orpik is the Pittsburgh Penguins of NHL players.