First off, Lest We Forget…Tha Pass
The most Swaggerless team in the West, the Minneapolis Wilds, snooze into town tonight. GET HYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYPED.
This team is so boring that not even Matt Cooke, a player who gruesomely sidelined our Captain for nearly a year, will be in the lineup to make things interesting.
Mild Rant: Take this moment as a pleasant reminder that you gotta hear both sides. Matt Cooke is a changed man. Oh, that Achilles laceration? Why he was just trying to neutralize the back of Karlsson’s ankle with the blade of his skate LIKE YOU DO in the game of
ice hockey. It’s called Old Tyme Hockey. A throw back to the good old days, like the time that Bobby Clarke used the classic “use your stick to break the other team’s best player’s ankle” defense technique. Good clean fun. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, WHATEVER FUCK!
Just Nudge Me if I Fall Asleep Writing About These Guys (or don’t, plz).
An item of “interest” for tonight is the Wild’s banged up roster. Zack Parise will not be in the lineup for tonight’s tilt after suffering a concussion. He is their best forward. He…is not playing. Matt Cooke is probably serving time in piece of shit jail and is also unavailable. So are some their other defensemen/who cares.
The Wild are coming off a 4-1 loss to the Penguins and are beginning a 3 game road trip. Can Ottawa take advantage of these things? I don’t know. They only seemed to do so against the Syracuse Crunch feat. Curtis McElhinny so far this season…but they also kind of just beat Detroit’s ass so should be interesting. If they can come out of the gate like they did last game I feel good but defenseman Ryan Suter is apparently amazing despite never getting written about and is no one’s favourite player. Oh, and Tomas “Gamblor” Vanek has one goal on the year which is hilarious. The sniper has one goal on the year so far. Let’s not be the #AccomodatingSens and keep him on the perimeter and …uhh…ON the schnide? Is that how you use that? *looks up Wickedpedia.org/schnide* Speaking of having trouble in the biscuit department…
Kyle Turris Please Stay Chain Fliffin’ and Don’t Get Snakebitten
HAAAAAAAAAAN Gunna be the flyest at the grade 7/8 dance with that chain! Still needs a turtleneck but I still see you shinin’ my T.
Gotta feel for Turris after that Detroit game. He had what must have been quite a frustrating outing against a particularly sharp Jiminy Howard. First, he had a goal waved off for some reason (WTYKY is sad to report that Mr. Howard has since passed away from his injuries on the play. Please donate to his memorial fund here). Then after, that he springs free on a shorthanded breakaway and all the way from the Intensive Care Unit at the General Hospital, Howard manages to flash the leather and rob him…k..THEN AFTER THAT Turris is closing in on a two on one break (did I mention how awesome the Sens played against Detroit?) and who else but old Selke Trophy McGee, Pavel Datsyuk is the one backchecking on the play and makes an impossible takeaway on a goalmouth tap in. He even had other great chances on top of these! With 2 goals on the year and only one that counts, I really hope he can put one in tonight otherwise it could start getting in his head and no one wants that. He’s playing pretty well (though some more face off wins would be grrrrreaaaaat) and I would hate to see this slump go on. Considering he once went a month without one he’s capable of some Schnide Time but you know what? He’s a Platinum Angel who plays with Perfect Hockey Player Clarke MacArthur and Robby Bryan, I think he can get it done. This game will likely be decided by offense because as Sir Mix A Lot would say, things are lookin’ paltry on the back end.
And they said we were FOOLS for carrying 37 defensemen!
So on a D corps already so fragile that we had to turn to 36 year old Chris Phillips who was on the 3rd pairing last year to play with Erik Karlsson, we are now short one Big Rig. As a result we are going to see Karl play with a rotating cast of every left handed defender on the team. I am reaaaaaaaaally hoping that coming off a good game Wiercioch can actually run with the ball and kind of calm the shuffling down. Why? Oh just because Mark Borowiecki who has only played 29 career games is slated to start with Karlsson and this makes me … how you say…uneasy. Actually you know what? I bet Karlsson plays both left and right tonight and ends up paired with everyone at some point. Play along with Karlsson Pairing Bingo at home or on your Newton™ mobile device! The outcome of this game relies heavily on otherworldly play from Karlsson. So, business as usual, I guess.
Marc Methot Health Status Update: Still need to confirm but hearing from a couple of sources that Methot was seen gingerly doing the Shmoney Dance. Progress!
Craig Anderson gets a well deserved second consecutive start after one of his best performances of the year on Tuesday. Despite being a fan of his I can give him a pretty hard time for his inability to stop the first 10 shots of the game but he rose up to meet an big challenge that night. After facing only 2 shots in the first period (one real and one of the ‘trying to get one on net to pump the stats up in hopes the coach will be less mad at us at intermission’ variety) he stood tall and looked absolutely incredible as the Wings mounted quite the charge for the next two periods. Crazy hard to be thinking about Madagascar for a whole period then suddenly having to face like 30 shots in the next two.
Musings: I think this set goaltending tandem thing has really made Anderson up his game to prove that ain’t nobody gonna hold him down from being no.1. I hope he can stay hot but he’s going to need a lot of help from the forwards as…you know…dat D. Speaking of stepping up…
Finally, I don’t know how long our boy is for this team (thanks untradeable Colin Greening Contract!) but I wanted to give some due to E. Hondra. This is a guy who is coming out of stays in the press box and playing consistently very well. That’s gotta be a pretty tough task. If I were him and I was only getting the odd game after being an steady roster regular for the past couple of seasons I’d be so distracted trying not to fuck up that I’d be playing like…Colin Greening. With Marc Methot’s impending return in mid-2015 (don’t hold me to that bold prediction!) I worry that Condra’s useful skill set and reasonable contract will make him the odd man out when the Senators are forced to make a move. In the meantime, couldn’t ask for a better guy to insert into the lineup in a pinch. Shouts to you Conrdra.
Anyway, let’s go smoke behind the Quickie before the game.
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