Remember folks, it’s R Kelly Night at the Tires.com Arena. That means everyone in the 300’s gets an R Kelly Mask™, everyone in the 200s gets a camcorder and everyone in the 100s gets a rain proof poncho. Should be a night of good clean fun!

Hi, it’s cold again!

How arrrrrrrrre uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu? Listen, shut up for a second its time for the hockey.

We Sens fans are being treated to one of the most unprecedented streaks in franchise history right now. We are witness to an historic time that we should try to appreciate every moment of while it lasts.
I am, of course, talking about the improbable run of two straight games against the Boston Bruins that are both highly anticipated and worth watching. Wow. What a time. Hockey is UN-PRE-DIC-TABLE.
Win or lose, just enjoy the excitement, for you don’t know what you’ve got til you’re dozing through a 1-0 afternoon game in Boston where they’re trapping up like they’re on the 8th game of a west coast trip after a garbage goal that banks in off Cowen’s skate credited to the swaggerless Dan Paille. Celebrate the moments of our lives.

Speaking of winning or losing and every game being the Biggest Game of the Year, to quote Bobby Ryan, “If we do finish a few points out, there are going to be a lot of games we’ll be thinking about in the off season.”
Yo. I feel you BR, I mean I’m not even ON the team (yet) and if that happens Ima STAY thinkin’ bout games liiiiike:

– Oct 25, 3-2 OTL to the Olde Mans of New Jersey at home
– Nov. 9,  5-3 L to Toronto (who are somehow worse than I thought they were) at home
– Nov. 28, 3-2 L to Florida City
– Jan. 29, 6-3 L to Dallas at home
– Feb. 7, 4-1 L to Columbia at home (with fuckin Curtis McElhinney in net TBFH)

Nnnnnnnnnow, I get that it’s easy for me to cherry pick all the “easy” games the Senators blew and get all, “Mike Brodeur woulda stopped that” but I think that’s what has been kind of frustrating for me this season. I knew that this team was better than they were the first half of it. I believe Ottawa did not stick in the McDavid lottery conversation because they simply aren’t bad enough to be a lottery team. Ottawa could finish the season with up to six 20 goal scorers. You want to know REAL suckage? Alex Chiasson would be 4th in team scoring on the Sabres. FOURTH. Perspective: I FORGET THAT GUY IS ON THE TEAM SOMETIMES.
Anyway, the Sens spotty record is still not as annoying as it was last year but there are some games I wish they could have taken so that now every game now wouldn’t be so do or die. Actually, you know what? Fuck it. Maybe that’s what’s fueling our beautiful babies night after night. Also, revisionist bologna is for losers. Zima™ is for closers and I’m a hot blooded man and I wants my fuckin ZIMA™. ARF ARF ARF!!!!!!

Mr. Grybachev….tear down these Bruins. (Shout out to all my fellow 70 year olds who holdin me down on that weak ass joke!!!!!!!)
Erik Gryba is in for Jared Cowen. I’m in favor of this move because Erik Gryba is better than Jared Cowen. So…that just about wraps this part up.

Dusted Hoffman
Heyyy, still playin great and everything. It’s a blessing on our house to have a rookie who was actually put on waivers last year emerge as a dynamic, top six scoring force, but our scoring dynamo hasnt put up a point in 5 games and Daddy (ew sorry) wants Hoffy to hit 30 this year. Tonight would be a fantastic night for our magnificent little G to get going again. Maybe it’s that there was some majik sherm in this old silk hat I found at the Greyhound station, but something tells me if Hoffman gets one they could come in bunches again. Goals in bunches are what the boys are going to need tonight against Tuukka Rask (who I haaaaaaaaaaate)…

I Hate Tuukka Rask Fun Korner
Look, he might look like an evil talking doll that’s not to be trusted but its not so much him I hate as the situation. Boston is led to a Stanley Cup win on the back of the Conn Smythe winner, frontiersman, Birth Certificate Truther and Confederate Patriot Tim Thomas. Fine fuck. He destroyed Ottawa basically every time they played during his tenure. Then he retires to focus on exposing that it’s the Knight’s Templar NOT The Priory of Sion controlling the Federal Reserve. GREAT! Praise be. We’re free. OH WHAT’S THIS? OH GOOD THE BACKUP REPLACING HIM IS A FUCKING VEZINA WINNING FINNISH NIGHTMARE.
Hopefully it will all come back around in the future when Erik Karlsson retires (at age 50) and just when the Montreal Canadiens breathe a sigh of relief, Ottawa calls up late round pick Paul Coffey Junior who goes on to win the The Erik Karlsson Trophy For Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Defense Even Though You’re Pretty Unfairly Criticized For What I Feel Is a Pretty Solid Element of Your Game Considering the Numbers You Manage to Put Up On a Yearly Basis Not to Mention the Minutes You Get (Formerly called The Norris Trophy).

What else?

OH, R. Kelly starts in goal for Ottawa. You don’t want to know what you’re supposed to let rain down on the ice if he gets first star.

ENJOY THE GAME!!!