Ottawa Senators Playoff Beard Update

enough talk let’s see some BEARDS

Kyle Turris

turris2

not all heroes wear capes and not all heroes wear luxuriant beards, you know? our dude bachman turris overtime here just happens to be the FAIREST OF THEM ALL, so rather than ask him why he’s showing more chin than chain here, why don’t you just say thank you? i’ll wait

J-G Pageau

pageau5

okay this is also not the strongest beard but when you’re a street-smart mouse constantly hustling pizza through an air vent to feed your family you do what you can

Zack Smith

smith

alright alright, this is what i’m talking about, this is that paper towel lumberjack stuff, this is that “why has mom been in the laundry room for an hour with a glass of wine” stuff, and yes he started early on this one, but you know what they say, the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is whenever this thing started, growing mightily from the smallest beard acorn

Chris Neil

neil2

well hey there gingersnap! oh, are you playing in the game too? well that is quite the accomplishment! you have fun, and don’t you let those other players push you around! but no mischief, you hear me, mister?

Viktor Stalberg

stalberg2

i think we know each other pretty well [you nod] and i’m not racist but [you leave] there are really two kinds of swedish beards, the fair well-groomed kind that’s all “while you were sleeping i made you this grapefruit muesli”, and the dark swarming kind that’s all “while you were sleeping i built you a shed from rough-hewn timber, that sound you hear is wolves” and anyway this is that second kind

Marc Methot

methot3

“i mean no novel is an easy process, but what i struggled with on this one was the realization that a lot of what used to be unconscious had become . . . kind of a formula, you know? like i was trying to produce something instead of just exposing what was already there. so getting off the grid was almost a foregone conclusion; i spent a couple months in western maine, small cabin, wood stove, a local guy who brought me groceries once a week but otherwise no phone, no internet, no connection to the outside world whatsoever . . . and after a couple weeks i could hear the voices of these characters, and it’s just a matter of transcription at that point, really”

Fredrik Claesson

claesson2

freddie i love you bud but this beard is one drum short of a circle my guy, this beard is one baja poncho short of 14.09.2000 at darien lake, and i’ll be honest my pal, trey didn’t really have it that night

Bobby Ryan

ryan-dzingel

this is one of those beards that lets everybody know you’re in a new phase, like “i may have a seven-album deal but i’m really just a singer-songwriter and this new one is about getting back to my roots, anyway here’s ‘getting it going’

also dzingel just a thought but maybe you’d play more if you looked less like don felder

Erik Karlsson

The-Big-Lebowski-White-Russian

Tom Pyatt

pyatt

if you missed chris evans at comic con, good news, you can catch him in this senators-themed sauna being my wife’s favorite player, although she tells me their thing is totally over and as soon as she’s back from this business trip we’re going to have some real quality time for once, anyway, A+ beard

Alex Burrows

burrows2

sometimes you gotta play to your strengths and if your strength is a strong inside game, you can’t waste time with shots outside the paint, so you clean things up. nobody likes a prickly pete

Prickly Pete

phaneuf4

no bad ideas my man but just a suggestion, in days of yore you could just be a mustache guy, no judgement, just dads with mustaches at the lion’s club welcoming you with fellowship and scotch, everybody had a good time and drove home drunk. yes times have mostly changed for the better but even those times aren’t as dusty as that cormac mccarthy-ass dry sagebrush on a moonless night you got goin on, again, just a suggestion

Derick Brassard

brassard2

here we have the opposite problem where your outside game is so strong you just turn into some kind of sweaty lincoln

Pierre Dorion

dorion

worst place

Clarke MacArthur

macarthur3

look at this perfect man with this perfect beard, look at this shel silverstein writing you a poem beard, look at this episode of mr. robot starring jose bautista beard, look at this sandalwood rain forest. look at this beard coming home after a voyage of many years and many miles for nuzzles and taquitos and a pickup game or two in the driveway before the sun sets. look at this beard you get to look at

2 thoughts on “Ottawa Senators Playoff Beard Update

  1. Pingback: How to Talk About A Team You Don’t Care About |

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