25.10.2010: In which we look down into our scotches for a little hope, a little prayer, and find only Genius Alfie and our erectile dysfunction

James to Conrad, Pete

A week’s end in recap

At the CCFR oh we be watchin the games on the weekend buuuuuuuut tend to wait for the work week to make a post (we get paid more this way). Here we are gentle reader, all rested up (from watching sports on television) from back to back divisional games in Buffalo and at home vs. Montreal. Biggest question on my mind was with a 4-2 win against the Sabres and a 3-0 boobie slapping from the Habs it’s one-and-one on paper but did things really turn out so even Steven? – more on that below.

(Also, shout out to actual Steven who made it out for the CCFR’s inaugural Gathering of the Bloggalos on Friday. I look forward to more get togethers). But first…

Sens who’s children I would sign to an entry level deal with Cowan-like bonuses:

Daniel Alfredsson. Doi. He was just fantastic against Buffalo. I think I have a bit of dust in my eyes. *sniff* Its pretty terrifying that he is still our best player with a little over a month to go till he turns 38. Dang, why am I bringing this up? Thanks Alfie for winning an important ass game after an excruciatingly long week.

Mike Fisher. Fisher is doing his damnedest out there (I am not optimistic about giving people props for ‘doin their darnedest’ btw). Blocking shots, shooting the lights out (and not completely missing the net as much as he used to!), pancakin’ youngins…basically being the workhorse Mike Fisher that we need him to be. Probably our best man against the habs IMO. Only problem, he has to be the first line centre right now which is a pretty hard role to step into. Which is why we cannot trade Spezza. Hear me sad drunk Ottawa? Can. Not. Trade. Him.

Honorable Mention

Goal goes to Alfie for the redirection but I gotta give it up to Karlsson for responding in the Buffalo game after being called out pretty harshly over the week that would not end.

Sens whose (current or future) children I am going to make it my business to tell there is no Easter bunny (or Eastern European equivilant)

Brian Elliot. Look, I know he’s an easy target but hot mess I have not liked this guy’s game. He hasn’t even really looked good in wins or losses this season. Sorry bros: win or lose, I can only be so into these goals from out above the faceoff circle.

Is it passé to mention that Kovalev ain’t been that good at this point? He looks like he’s trying (a bit) harder but is still not even half-his-contract-dollars good. Big ups to Coach John MacLean (of Die Hard fame) in Jersey for benching the other struggling Kovy. Takes guts to actually do something like that. Not to mention it is a giant, giant gamble to bench a player that good, but Kovalchuk did respond with Jersery’s lone goal the next game.

Galobulous

Carrying on with the whole Kovalchuk benching thing…is it time to start entertaining the fans’ two biggest pleas: 1. Put Kovalev in the press box (srsly, fans in Montreal protested not resigning this guy?) 2. Give Lehner a start?

Despite going one and one I thought the win in Buffalo was for the most part terrifying. The game did not look in hand at all until Alfie’s empty netter (praise Alfie congrats!)

Foligno and PK Subban are NOT buddies!

Beating Conrad to the punch: Can our boys seriously stop being slated for HNIC games? Not going so well.

Back to the question I initially brought up: Going one and one on the weekend, what are your thoughts on the win and the loss? I thought they were both ugly in their own way.

Conrad to James, Pete

Sens who I would sign to Sean Van Allen’s color spot deal

Alfie, obviously. That this guy can pull out a win through sheer will power alone at his age is testament to his talent. I hate to imagine this guy in Detroit, but at the same time I like to imagine how amazing he would be IN DETROIT, AKA Swedish Ragnarok. Something special that he’ll never be traded, but this guy deserves another run at the cup and methinks it’s not going to happen in the ol’ white-red-and-sparkly-gold.

David Hale, for basically just not fucking up, which is actually all we’re looking for at this point.

Carkner. See Hale, David. I mean, Carks-MGarks isn’t lighting anyone up, but that he’s being shuffled all over the lineup right now, being asked to fill in on a struggling team, AKA is suddenly our go to guy (!), is both a horrible indication of where this team is and worth a pat on his back.

Elliott. Yeah, I’m giving him a thumbs up. He hasn’t been spectacular, but Buffalo outshot the Sens 20-3….IN THE THIRD PERIOD. Holy shit, did he and Alfie ever pull out a win for us there.

Campoli, for being all over the ice, jumping up into the play, and being pretty dynamic for a player with a limited skill set.

Sens who I would relegate to Sparty’s Droppings Duty

Spezza, for being hurt. [Totally unfair to him, I know, but we better get used to this.]

Kovalev [cut and paste from every single previous post]

Michalek, for not knowing what to do on a 2-on-1 with Alfie. [Hint: pass to Alfie or shoot. Probably pass.] Seriously, how rare is it for us to get an opportunity like that and for it not to be, like….Neil and Schubert or something?

Clouston, for still not knowing what to do with Gonchar and for not being able to fix a team system that doesn’t allow us to get into the attacking zone. Our transition game is awful.

Me, for having Price in my pool and not playing him in favor of Niemi who suuuuuuuuuuuucks.

Screedleleescrat

Sens are an old, falling-apart car right now. When one problem fixes itself, another arises. In Montreal they COULD NOT hit the net to save their life. The next game they’ll get their offensive game in order, come out flying and outshoot their opponents, and that’s when Elliott will let in a completely deflating goal from the press box. The next game they’ll get 10 powerplays and let in 10 shorties. I don’t know what Clouston should be trying to fix first.

My sense has been that when the Sens lose it’s because they were badly outshot and their goaltending isn’t inhumanly good and when they win it’s despite being outshot and their goaltending steps up. Feels shitty to say this, but I think the lads are lucky to have their 2 wins so far.

As for Kovalev, while I’m sensitive to the argument that you don’t pay someone $30,000 to stand in the pressbox – and, really, at 37 or whatever, and after a whole career of basically not giving a shit, what kind of ‘message’ is going to be sent by not playing him? – but something needs to be done with this guy. I know it’s cheap to go back to last season to tally a scoreless streak, but humor me: 26 games. That’s how long since he’s scored. Almost a third of a season. In our wildest nightmares, did we ever imagine that Alex Kovalev could go that long without at least getting a lucky bounce? He got a two year deal; he got $5M per; he got all the ice time he wanted; he got his face on the front of the friggin’ building; and the expectations were perfectly reasonable – score about 20-25 goals to give us depth. To think that we could have Zherdev AND Frolov – TWO enigmatic Russian wingers! – for what this guy is making is crazy-making. I’m sure that if Murray could dump him for a 7th rounder at this point, he would. Bring up Butler or Hoffman. But Kovalev is making a lot of dough, so it’s up to the coaches to fix his game and get him to produce. Ultimately, it’s Clouston who is on the hook.

Pete to Conrad, James

Sens I would purchase a Premium CAA Membership for:

This list gets shorter every week. Friday’s game seemed like a siren song. Enticing me back into the Side Profile Sen’s sweet-perfumed bosom. They were quick to the puck and defensive assignments were completed, double spaced and on time!

Alfie of course gets the nod.

Sens I wouldn’t take over guys who listen to too much Echo and the Bunnymen:

Going to disagree with fearless leader Conrad on this. Matt Carkner, Curse your hide to hades! You’ve been asked to to play too many minutes. Too much ice time, leads to silly penalties and general skullduggery of the not-helpful variety.

Saturday’s titty-twisting at the hands of the habs earns everyone a failing grade especially for letting a rookie in a visor kick the shit out of you on your home rink. I like Subban and think he’s aces, but for the love of Sexy Robot Jesus, make him smell your glove!!!!!!! Carkner it’s the only damn thing you’re good at. Aside from jumping in to finish an odd man rush with a henious cross check.

It’s the only time I’ve ever vomited and not felt better afterwards.

I’d like to see Lehner get a kick at the desert dogs Tuesday night if Leclaire isn’t ready.

“Jubilee Jewlers Time of the Suck!!!”

I like the idea of scratching Kovalev, what could it hurt? Seriously the guy is like a roomba out there, its as if he’s controlled by obscure Japanese robot technology. It’s a broom that does a half assed job, but at least I don’t have to touch it….. DURRRRRR!

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