2010.11.22: In which we discover we’re all out of love, we’re so lost without you (Bobby Butler)

When things are at their bleakest you can always count on the layabouts over at CCFR world HQ to come up with venom laced vitriol blanced with logical cap-ology and a dash of Krusty the clownism to put their own spin on the recent misfortunes of Horatio Alger-cat and Jude the fourth liner

From: James 

To: Peter, Conrad

It was the best of times it was the Brust of times…

Well, here we are gents recapping the horrid week that was. I find myself a little more apprehensive to type than usual because I usually employ a style that makes light of hyperbolic reactions to the team’s ups and downs but already in mid-latish November we are experiencing them full throttle (the movie). I think it goes without saying that the team has been out scored Inifinity to dark matter in the last eleventy games so I think Im just going to talk about some players or something. Come to my world…

“Let me lay it on the line/ we have two on the vine/ two sets of shite goalie performances/ so (opposite of) devine” – George Bernard Shaw Jr. (that was for you Steve)

 Okay, so…fuck. At this point it doesn’t really matter who starts I don’t feel comfortable at all with this goaltender house of cards. Total fan frustration is clouding my feelings. All goalies have ups and downs. Vancouver fans basically want to kill Roberto Luongo a couple times per season as do MTL fans avec Jésus Price. I just think with the current tandem my desires to set their respective lawns on fire are pretty constant. I just want a new goalie one with an untwistable stomach* …I also think Couston over used Elliot.
*guy who can steal the living shit out of a game…every now and then.

All that said, It’s pretty hard to steal the shit out of a game when all of the rest of the cylinders are firing on garbage juice. Can I get a show of hands of all the people out CCFRland.com (?) who thought coming out of training camp that going into the last  full week of November that Foligno would still be search for his first goal, not even to mention being outscored by Karlsson, David Hale, now Jessie Winchester, Spartacat, and Vladislav Imhavinganervousbreakownjustwritingaboutthisshitzkov?

 I don’t want to turn this into a witch hunt (well, actually, whatever hunt away…) because regarless of Foligno’s lack of biscuits the entire offense has looked flaccid. Forecheck and Backcheck. They look as lost as they did when they played for Hartsberg. Perfect example did y’alls see that Joey MacDonald goal? Just like…Mohammed Ali’ing through our team at light speed and finishing on his goal? Backbreaker. Also, can one of Ottawa’s dudes do that once in a while? Not just injured Mike Fisher? Ryan Shannon, aren’t you supposed to be that? I think I sort of lowered my expectations of this team too a crazy low bar. Watching an ‘injury depleted’ Blues squad, a regular-ass Carloina Hurricanes is deflating to the point of making me think, is this what it feels like for fans other teams when they get beaten by the Sens? Maybe Im taking it too far.

Anyway, they are just getting frigging dummied out there. DUMMIED. Seemigly unable/unwilling to do stupid basic stuff like ALL THE OTHER TEAMS SEEM TO BE ABLE TO DO like hold the puck in on a power play, not give up multiple short handed breakaways per game, not double the other team in penalties…you know regular stuff. BASICALLY THEY DON’T LOOK LIKE AN AVERAGE HOCKEY TEAM although their record indicates that they are completely average. Really, like a week ago they were kind of doing awesome. These are the dizzying highs, crushing lows we discussed in the off season. Anyway, your thoughts? Anyone tuning in tonight or are we already bastards like that?

From PeterTo: James, Conrad

I think we’re all a little frustrated with the inconsistency from the sens. It’s not fair since there are some great storylines in the NHL this year and we have to focus on our “woe is me” attitude. But we’re fans and that’s the problem. So Foligno can’t score, the goalies stink and our vaunted prospects are taking a step back.  I dunno if we were prepared for the discombobulating ups and downs this team can deliver. It’s beyond Jekyll and Hyde, Some games they scrap and claw for chances, get a bounce and look great beating good teams. Other games they expect to win on talent alone which is preposterous because they’re actually in the lower half of the league in terms of talent on paper. Why they need me to remind them of this is also a mystery.Long story short, cut the shit Ottawa, you’re like the online dating profile of a girl who writes 5000 words about how great she is and how she deserves the best but won’t post any pictures since you’re not all hung up on looks.  News flash, looks (in this case on ice performance) matter the most. Accept the fact that landing Marky Mark circa his Calvin days isn’t going to happen. Temper your expectations and for God’s sake figure out a way to deliver on those expectations. I’m going to reach into the cliche bin and, just gimme a sec, it’s down there somewhere I know it…. ah yes, “plan your work and work your plan.” Stop this maddening performance of stooges on ice and reach into your cooperalls, grab your pair and get back to scoring ugly goals and moving guys out of your crease.  Play with a purpose. It’s not going to fix everything but its a start.

From Conrad

To James, Peter

 The fact that we focus on a 114 pound dman in his sophomore season and a late 1st rounder who’s probably best suited as a third line energy / checking forward as the source of our ire is probably indicative that we’ve exhausted the obvious choices. Karlsson and Foligno together make about a third of Kovalev’s salary, and with the invisible trio of Fisher, Kovalev and Michalek eating up close to $15M (you read that right), we have much bigger problems than our small fish being eaten alive. This team is fundamentally flawed, way beyond the regular-paced development of some youngins. We have far too much money tied up in mediocre players, or at least players who look mediocre on the score sheet. 

Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do with any of our high-priced forwards, which means that Foligno is probably gonna get traded. The guy who costs nothing and so the ROI still isn’t a tragedy is going to go play in Minnesota or something because no one in their right mind would take Michalek and his two Go-Go-Gadget Knees. Obviously they’re going to try and hide Brian Lee in Foligno’s sweater when they send him off.
What’s absolutely weird is how everyone is healthy right now. We could always kind of point to Kuba and say “When he gets back, THEN This team will be firing on all (garbage juice) cylinders!” And then the team just gets destroyed. At least they play something like 6 out of their next 7 at home.

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