Did the guy who drew the Herman cartoons design this thing?

First, I want to congratulate the other CCFR bloggers for giving me my job back just in time for summer – that’s the season where is rains literally every day right? – So far so good! I’m excited to turn over a new leaf after paying my debt to society for something called, Internet Vagrancy. Before you ask, I had a great time in jail!
Secondly, I want to give my congratulations to the Burgertime Senators for their impressive sweep of the Chubby Checkers last night at Push Broome Moustache Memorial Arena (.com?)  Heyyyy, still got my most annoying writer chops!
OH OH OH and THIRDLY I would like to congratulate Mrs. Lewandowski’s 4^th grade class at George Vanier Public School who won the contest to design the B-Sens uniform! Your jersey is going to the Calder Cup! Great job kids, especially, 9 year old student Tyler Beauchemin, the best ‘draw-er’ in the class, who really stepped up both in the designing the logo AND incorporating every single student’s ideas into the jersey! Looks AWESOME- great work on the chin shading and all the other stupid shit all over the place!

So…shit is getting pretty real down in Binghamton now, am I right, you guys? *crickets*

Selfishly aaaaaand unoriginally, one can’t help but examine this success in terms of how it will impact the Ottawa Big Boy Beds next season leading up to the 2012 Mayan apocalypse.
Personally, I think that this whole situation has made training camp delightfully complicated for next season as a few of these gents have raised some eyebrows with their play.
As  a guy who both listened to a couple Bingo games on the radio while exercising AND occasionally watched highlights of their games late at night after getting in from the bar, take it from me, I  KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT. Come, imagineer with me!!!

Ryan Potulny: ehhhhhh what?…This guy….on a mind burgling Kesleresque streak of 25 points in 17 games. He is raising some interesting questions for me right now. Does he have a case of the Bobby Butlers? Largely ineffective in role player mode but let him snipe in the top six and watch the points pile up in bunches? OR is he a Denis Hamel type in training; a beloved AHL star best known in the NHL for getting absolutely pasted by Former McGuire Monster / dumb haircut haver Dion Phannerf on the youtubes?
I think I gave Poutinely an F in my post season report card b.s. but I mean…guy has been a playoff  beast in the AHL! It’s undeniable. What’s a girl to do with this guy come September? Does this pleasant surprise fit into Bry-Bry and the Sens plans at all?

Robin “Big Game Hunter” Lehner. The kid is something like 10 and 2 now with 2 shutouts and made an impressive 42 saves to complete the sweep last night. Carrying on with my theme of Blame Brian Elliot for Everything Last Season, that whole NHL goaltending trial by fire mess that Lehner had to deal with DID in the end have a silver lining. Since the red hot Barry Brust (you can’t MAKE these names up) went down with an injury, Lehner has done a great job of establishing himself in a very short amount of time and if the experience he is garnering right now doesn’t build character I don’t know what does (I don’t actually know as I’m a complete coward).
If Tim Murray has been getting my letters and e-cards, next season will see Lehner as undisputed Bingo #1, Baby Brodeur  as solid backup with Barry Burst of Real Fruit Flavour brought up to the Ottawa Sens backing up Craig Andersfasdl;fkjfasf;ldgs.

Zed Smith. Apparently this guy DOES give quite the crap about making the Senators in a serious ass way next season. A point per game in the post-season, 2 hat tricks(wtf?), a clutch face off win last night to put the Checkers (great bad name or GREATEST bad name? ..srsly, can a team not just be the LIONS or something, ugh…) away for the sweep, 53 shots on goal…guy has been DOMINANT. I am interested to see if Z can continue with this intensity and clutch production if he will work his way up from “The Next Chris Neil” to some sort of Kelly/Fisher hybrid. One way or another, Z. has all but punched his ticket to the bigs. Kudos! Remember giving “kudos” on MySpace? I have a feeling that giving kudos, along with MySpace, are poised to make a HUGE comeback!

UPDATE! 5:30pm 19/05/11: Z. Smith just signed a 2 year one way deal with Ottawa! I’m assuming myspace and kudos are next … theres no time to waste finding out…I should go put 50 bucks on red at the casino RIGHT NOW!

UPDATE! 5:32pm 19/05/11: I just lost 50 bucks at the casino

Bobby “BOBBY BEEEEE BUTLAHHHHH” Butler. I think we can all agree that we are each and every one of us excited to purchase and enjoy our Bobby Butler jerseys once he signs some kind of one way deal. Personally, I feel the team has been doing so well that B-Rock’s continued torrid goal scoring has been a bit of a secondary headline because of the scoring depth the B-Sens have been able to boast. Sure, he’s no Ryan Potulny (am I actually typing this sentence?) but he’s been potting them quietly on the power play and I believe a game winner here or there on this psychedelic AHL journey to the centre of…the…uhhh…something something…moving on…

Kaspars “Can we get this guy a nickname so we can stop saying his full name already?” Daugavins. Seriously, the WEIRDEST name and that’s coming from me, who’s real name is Francisco Flores Woodycook-Van der Vaart (follow me on twitter!). By all accounts…this guy has been kind of an amazing finesse forward for a long time now. I was under the impression that midseason Binghamton was supposed to lose this guy to a loan to some Latvian club (where im sure he would instantly be the best player in that league). Lucky for Bingo that didn’t happen as K.D. (that’s better) has been an essential part of this team’s success. Definitely a guy that, to follow Verada’s thinking, maybe should be given a wee shot at the NHL…c’mon we’re terrible let’s just see what he can do for like 5-10 games. He’s certainly earning a look right now. I’ve heard his two way game needs work…but who’s doesn’t in this work-a-day world?

Helen “Ryan” Kellar. Scored a President’s Choice Dave’s Memories of Alfie OT winner last night to send Bingo to the Calder Cup finals. Judging by his output 22 frigging points in 17 games, he is demonstrating why they made him captain. Like Potulny, I wonder if and where this guy fits into the picture in Ottawa. Does he stay down in the A to provide stable leadership to our apparently awesome farm team or does he get a shot? Not the youngest pup in the world (relative to NHL rookies and not the proud senior citizen writing this) his window of opportunity is fast shrinking. A very impressive season AND playoff for Keller none the less. Good show, chappy! What? Want to fight me for calling you Helen Kellar? Challenge me here on twitter: @francisco_f_woodycook_van_der_vaart

Andre Beniotchio Del Toro. So, with 55 points in 73 games in the regular season and another 14 points in 17 post season games Beniot is apparently a defenseman WITH a plus rating. Uhhh…where was this guy during that 1-0 snoozefest between Bingo and Hamilton at Scotiabank eaelier this season. Roughly the same age as Keller I ask the Seinfeldian question “WhaaaAAaaaaAAaat is the deal with consistent but aging minor league defensemen?” I don’t think the defensive core is as wide open at the big club level as forward and very likely this guy will continue to be a  sturdy depth call up for the O-Sens and an awesome rushing Dman for the B-Sens.

Jared Cowbell. Not bad for a guy who had to spend the year in WHL purgatory thanks to some dumb age restriction. Some attributed Jared’s dominance and jump in production in Spokane in 2010-2011 to his being a man in a boys’ league. Regardless, 4 points in 5 games and not looking out of place getting Chris Pronger minutes on the top pairing in Bingo is a welcome rebuttal. My guess is that this guy is a work horse, (and could the kid honestly look anymore like a hard working young farmhand?) is used to being leaned on heavily and is at his most comfortable getting a ton of minutes. Whatever the case, it’s working. Many fans expect Cowsy (totally predicting that nickname btw) to just walk onto the big club next year. For me, given his age, I think I’d rather just see him be “the guy” Robin Lehner style, on D for the whole year in Binghamton. Very excited about this guy. Especially given Chris Phillips’ recent controversial decision to become one of the worst players on the team.

Okay now that I’ve exhausted the precious little I know about the team I think that juuuust about wraps it up…so if you don’t mind I’ll be getting back to my Mafia Wars ga- *record screeching sound*

Ohhhhhhhhh the other dudes people care about stuff. . .

Corey Locke. So you know a team is doing well when 10 points in 10 games puts you halfway down the scoring chart of forwards! Ive seen some pretty beautiful feeds by him in the highlights. Particularly impressive considering he’s coming off of an injury. Honestly, AHL MVP, what a signing for the B Sens! I’ve said it before, I love the guy, Ive been sharing the laughter and love since he was a star on the 67s but I really think he’s an AHL star and gets paid handsomely to be one. Binghamton needs its own Spezza and I think he’s it.

Patrick Wiercioch. Not to show off but I can spell this guy’s name without looking. Previously considered a prospect of high pedigree, regular season struggles have bumped Patrick down to “long term project” and he has been surpassed on the depth chart by other defensive prospects like Karlsson, Beniot, Kinrade, and Filip Kuba (just kidding im sure Wiercioch absolutely sonned Kuba this year). By all reports, he really started to turn his season around toward the end of the year. Sure he has 1 point in 13 playoff games but I don’t know…coming off injury…it’s a strange beast and  guys aren’t always 100% even though theyre back in the line up. I expect the kid to have a dynamite year in Bingo before the 2012 rapture. Speaking of which, on his player profile he listed his favourite book as the Bible…hey I have absolutely no problem with that …but have you READ that book?…whew..bring a BOOK.

Oh, but what of late season love children Eric Condra and Colin Greening? Was that all just so much pillow talk?
Nah, baby, I swear I was gunna talk about them…right after I got back from the store…

So the popular belief  is that these two have been disappointing considering their production when given a chance in Ottawa in the club’s “late season troop surge.” I don’t know though (no really, you’ve read this far to know that I really actually don’t know) Condra’s 13 points in 17 games and +8 is pretty unfudgewithable. Greening eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh…leaving something to be desired with 3 points in as many games and a -1. Maybe he’s playing more of a checking role and is contributing more off the score sheet. He is a guy with that kind of size to do so but his 46 shots on goal make me think other wise. That or…ONE of the dudes on the team has to do at least kind of bad right? For me it doesn’t change my feeling that both Greening and Condra are both huge question marks going into training camp this coming fall. Since these two seem so have a similar game and what with Zack Smith looking like them on steroids, it will be neck and neck between C and G for the OTHER power forward role…because DAMN Z Smith seems to have that locked down. I guess the edge goes to Super Condra at the moment. Excitement she wrote!

UPDATE! 5:30pm 19/05/11: Colin Greening just signed a 3 year (?) one way (???) deal with Ottawa. I can also confirm that I apparently don’t know shit about shit.

Okay, other than that, Stephane Da Costa has already begun his tanning regimen on a beach in Marseilles and according to his agent he sends the Binghamton Senators “his regards.”

GO BINGHAMTON GO!!!!!!