WTYKY EXCLUSIVE: Leaked Transcript of Cammalleri-Bourque Trade!

Pierre Gauther: Hey, Jay? Salut mon grand! C’est, P.I.M.P.G.

Jay Feaster: Yoooo, what it is bro, how’s that search for a perfectly bilingual NHL quality coach going?”

P.G.: Not all that well actually, turns out it really shrinks the talent pool considerably! Kind of counting on Guy Boucher getting fired. He’s like the AHL version of the coach we just fired but not as good…but…uhh…if that doesn’t happen…I don’t know, I’ll see what the press says, my strategy lately has been to just do whatever they say, you know?

J.F.: No, not really…

J.G.: Hmm, you haven’t tried that? Pfft, whatever dude, good luck. Those guys KNOW shit. How do you think they sell all those papers? By stirring shit up constantly? Anyway, that’s not why I’m calling, remember when I slept with your girlfriend after that rave in college? I feel super duper bad about that still and I want to make up for it. So, I’d like to give..I mean trade, TRADE you my best offensive player”

J.F: Whoa, whoa, puppy, puppy, no, no, nooo…too rich for my blood. That guy scored 39 goals here a couple of years ago. I am not giving up any of my top guys for him. No Iginla, no Glenncross, not Bouwmeester not EVEN dumps like Oli Jokinen or Alex Tanguay….and if you think Im gunna give one of our very few young players who are working out, like Giordano? You got another thing-

P.G.: *loudest exhale through nose* No, this isnt about a hockey deal, no, what we need is a culture change here in Montreal. Cammalleri, gives candid, articulate interviews with the press, always has, and frankly, we just cannot have that here. He expressed pretty reasonable displeasure with our vastly underperforming team and I need to make a knee jerk reaction like …right now.

J.F.: Weird, you’d think that’s the kind of rash but albeit impassioned comment that would show a player is rightly frustrated with himself and his teammates and is trying to spark things up in the locker room. That’s how it goes in a lot of other markets. Remember when Matt Bradley did the same thing in Washington and he was commended for being a leader for doing that?

P.G.: It’s actually against the law to follow the goings on of any other teams here in Montreal…how do you think we ended up with, Scott Gomez? *bursts out laughing…laughter subsides to soft tears*

J.F.: Okay, well, I’m glad to hear that because listen, I have just the thing for you. Okay, I have a player, hm’kay, you need a culture change? Players caring too much? Check this guy I’m about to put on the table. We have the hardest time getting him to give a shit about anything…

 P.G.: Okaaaaay, I am LIKING what I’m heeeeaaaaring

J.F.: Here’s the kicker…wait till you hear his name…

P.G.: …

J.F.: Rene…

P.G. Colline de bin de bobbi pin!

J.F.: …BOURQUE!

PG.: Sac a dos! Appelle la police! He’ll be perfect for the intense French media scrums!!

JF. *coughing loudly* Doesn’t speak French at all *cough* …ugh dry throat excuse me…its that Chinook air, you know? *cough cough* he’s from Alberta *cough*

PG: You alright?

J.F.: Oh, trust me, Im super great right now.

PG.: Good, so we have a deal?

JF Deal? …OH YES, A DEAL!…yes, definitely.

PG.: Outstanding, okay I have to go tell my boss at La Presse!

JF. The Feast…is ON. Peace.

PG & JF: *hang up simultaneously* Suck-errrrrrrrr

6 thoughts on “WTYKY EXCLUSIVE: Leaked Transcript of Cammalleri-Bourque Trade!

  1. I….actually sort of think Montreal won the trade. If only because the contract they gave Cammalleri was ridiculous to begin with. They get a player who scores roughly as many goals, makes $3MM less a year, is the same age and signed long term, AND a 2nd round pick. (Forget the prospects, they’re both impossible to predict and a wash.) Montreal is a cap-spending team, so they’ll go out and blow that $3MM on something stupid, but still – it’s their cash to blow now.

    Having said that, they absolutely damaged their reputation as a team. Which player is going to want to sign there with all of these high-profile shenanigans? Pulled MID-WAY THROUGH A GAME? If this trade truly was being negotiated for months on end, and is about to come about, why is he playing – and on the road – at all?

    Meanwhile, Calgary is hilarious. They keep reliving these ‘glory days’ that were pretty pathetic to start with. Re-signing Tanguay and Jokinen, and now gets Cammalleri back. They’re paying way too much money for those guys.

    • Definitely some good points made here especially your qualification of “sort of” won. Personally I think they “sort of” lost. The whole thing is ridiculous down to the classless and unheard of mid-game swap element that you pointed out. I definitely think Calgary is a circus of weirdness too but like we saw a lot last year with Ottawa I think the main reason Cammy and Bourque’s numbers are in the same ballpark is that Montreal is over all is having an atrocious year. Cammelleri isn’t really a reclamation project or anything I think he was playing poorly right now, and will likely do very well in Calgary. Yes, as a premiere FA a couple seasons back, he makes a ton of money but there isn’t a player who’s immune from appearing overpaid when they aren’t doing well. I believe they’ve paid to improve their top 6. Now, do I think the opposite fate is in store for Bourque? I don’t really know, maybe he’ll do well too but the expectations are going to be very, very high and I think the Canadiens got a less proven guy who apparently has motivation problems. He will always be the guy they got for (until like 24 hours ago) fan favorite Cammalleri. I hope he can fit in quickly because the boos are raining down right now. Just ask Jesus Price who is currently in the good books (I think?) after nearly being run out of town a few times already.
      This just comes off as foolishly knee jerk as the Habs could have gotten so much more if they swallowed their pride and waited until the deadline. They’ve been looking to deal him since December (pfffffft) and couldn’t have waited a couple more weeks? Bad year or good year I think a team would have given up someone better than Rene Bourque for a point per game in the post season sniper. As for the second rounder, yes, that is good, but as I crack on constantly, I do not trust Montreal in the draft as, Im sorry but I have to say it, they seem so goddamn hypnotized by French players, speaking of Glory Days (not pathetic days at all but as such are infinitively more obsessed over) . I guess at the end of the day this is just a ridiculous, ridiculous deal that I reaaaaally needed to make fun of.

      • Well, Cammy has a career goals per game of .34 and Bourque, same age, same number of seasons in the league, is .36 or something. Almost identical, for half the price. There’s definitely less star power there, but I’d take Bourque, plus $3MM, plus a second rounder over Cammy.

        Having said that, you are right to make fun of Montreal. They handled this really poorly.

        • I am right to make fun of Montreal. Yeah the goals per game are comparable. I just think that, though probably not the all out blow out that overzealous bloggers *rips collar off shirt* are making it out to be, Cammalleri is in a bit of a different class of player (playoff numbers for example) and Montreal fans are going to be very disappointed about this while Cammalleri is going to play on the first line with players he’s already had great chemistry with. Again, as for the second rounder I hope MTL uses it for the best player possible…oops wait what…they are a divisional rival. I hope Montreal sends Bourque to Hamilton and give the 2nd rounder to the Ottawa Senators in exchange for a 9th rounder and the rights to be friends with Nikita Filatov on Facebook. Is anyone else tired of taking cracks at spelling Cammalleri? My aunt met him once. Wiercioch, now THERES a name i can spell. Get well soon Wiercioch!

    • How is Calgary not over the cap yet? The only thing that would make the trade somewhat ok, is if he’s planning to have a fire….sale! Evacuate the school children! I can’t even see where the knob is! Ama-zing Grace! (not really, just wanted to say it)

      I can’t even believe how ridiculous the whole situation in MTL has gotten. At this point both teams need to be throwing in the towel.

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