Can I interest any of you in a game of three card monte? Pick the reeeeed get ahead pick the black set ya baaaaack..STEP RIGHT UP. Forever Red?
Ugh…fine. I’m just trying to get some playoff ticket money up in here. That’s right acquaintances another WTYKY EXCLUSIVE you heard it here first, The Ottawa Senators are going to the playoffs! Your old dad’s pretty cool huh? Knowing on the hockeys, eh? Almost as hip as Kevin Spacey’s character in American Beauty. It was cool how he took back his existence by smoking weed and trying to have sex with his daughter’s friend. Creep Dad showed us the true meaning of something something because life is short and plastic bag in the wind and working out.
With a playoff spot secured, there is a lot of mathemagicery going on as to how Ottawa will finish the regular season and hence who they will meet in Round 1 of the playoffs. Well that starts tonight. It will be edutaining to watch now that the major stress is over. Will our heroes continue to put the boot to the floor and try with their might to beat the Devil(s) like Schwarzenegger in the movie End of Days aka THE BIBLE ON DVD to face the Sunrise Panthers? Will the stay on pace and face the Bruins or fall back and face the Rangers?
Admittedly, Boston is not the most exciting team that one can face both in terms of playing style AND chances at victory but if you’ve come here for playoff math I’ll say this, this AINT my real job..I come up with reality shows about wedding stuff.
Sidebar: Here’s a show I’m working on in another window right now. Okay, so this couple is getting married right? A-a-a-and they want to have THE PERFECT wedding, right? Okay great, sounds goo—Not so fast…one problem, the bride no likey the dress. WILL TWO LADIES AND A GAY DUDE WHO WORK AT THE DRESS STORE FIND THE RIGHT DRESS FOR HER IN TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME?!?! (spoiler: they doOOOoooOOOOooOOOO)
GAME: Alright so if you havent read Ian Mendes’ article read it but I’ll describe it quickly so you stay on this website: Philips, Spezza and Alfie had a dad meeting with Ultra Dad Paul MacLean, when it was looking shaky that theyd even make it at all…they were probably eating Baconators and came up with a strategy to treat the next stretch of games as a playoff series. Well, “SERIES: ACCOMPLISHED” – G. Bush Jr. They swept it 4-0 if you think about it. Now what happens? Great preview? Have I even talked about anything yet?
It starts tonight against Carolina at the Palladium.
Carolina stinks so that just about wraps it up *dusts hands*
No, Carolina is one of those funny teams that Ottawa can have a hard time with, in fact, theyve dropped 4 of the last 6 matches to ‘Caines (like the kids call em) BUT Ottawa tends to dominate Carolina at home. Ugh, whats a girl to do with all of these facts?
Carolina is not the hottest team but do have their things going for them
Players to watch:
Jeff Skinner: May not be the force he was before missing some time but he’s got the moooves like Jagr.
Tuomo Ruutu: Always a pain in the ass against the Sens.
Eric Staal: Watch out for his size medium head in a size XXL helmet, no seriously, 24G and a -16 rough season for the Olympian…maybe DONT watch out for this guy.
Cam Ward: Could be a difference maker…poor guy having a very solid season on another cruddy Hurricanes team.
For the good guys:
Erik Karlsson: Bro, you’re killing it…can you PLEASE score that one goal to hit 20 and make me look smart? I want to be smart just this once. Thanks. Karls hasnt scored in a while and the Sens could use that cannon of a shot clicking come post season!
Tyle Kurris: Thats right. Colonel Clinch led the Sens last game and I want this kid’s confidence at max going into the post season.
Craig Anderson: Aside from his first game back it would be a coup to see him get a 5th straight win since returning. Andy has looked great very excited to see him in playoff mode.
Return of the Spezz: After a blessing upon his house by the name of Nichola Spezza, congrats homie, Spezza draws back into the lineup. It would be so glorious to see him to have a multipoint outing just because I want him to get ALL THE POINTS this year. I want him up for the Hart. I think Ottawa’s won one or two games without him. Oh whats that? He already won OUR HEART Trophy (Wammmmmmp waaaaaaawawawwawaaaaaaaaa)
Okay, holy shit the game starts soon I have to change into something more seductive. You’ve done me a Mitzvah by even reading this.