My beautiful, beautiful babies. How I’ve missed you.
The season premier! It’s been so long that I’m sure you’ve forgotten how insufferable I am! I’ll bet you’re so excited that you could even read a James Day Preview! Hey everyone it’s Hockey Christmas! Just because there was lots of yelling doesn’t mean that your mommy (Gary Bettman) and your daddy (Donald Fehr) don’t still love your money very much. They’re just going to live in different houses for the next 10 years. Now come take Weird Uncle Eugene’s hand and he’ll treat you to a one dollar popcorn and you’ll pick up the full priced ticket to the greatest show on Earth: A glorified half-season of NHL hockeyyyyy!!!!
Mercifully, our boys start off their season in exotic Winnipeg before several months of playing Buffalo again and again and again and again sets in. So let’s get to it…who are the Jets and how much are they going to cost me in taxes?
More like JUMBO JETS….you…see…what…I…did…there…question mark.
Okay let’s start this off classy. How many Dustin Byfugliens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Give up? He’s overweight! *hold for applause* That’s a real issue though right? We’re kicking off a season where we’re asking people like Martin St. Louis’ Legs if they’re in game shape and meanwhile Big Buff was caught on camera looking like he’d been steady wrecking a Big Buff(et) in the off season.
Now, in fairness, Dusty (that’s what we call him at the Arby’s I used to work at before I got caught eating too many Big Beef and Cheddars) had a few extra months off before training camp. Did he spend them getting trim in the gym or was he working on his guacamole dip backhand? Either way he sure as hell wasn’t playing overseas. Does it matter? He was pretty huge last year and still put up 53 points in 66 games (YIKES). Will Ottawa be made to look like fools when they see what a clapper from the point with 300 lbs behind it looks like? Or will he be left wheezing behind Erik Condra who’s fresh off a stint in the tier 3 German ELITE league…which according to their website is “definitely not a league an NHL player can go point per game in while drunk.” I’m just playing they don’t have a website. Either way, it may be time to double…no make it triple cover Byfuglien…in a delicious candy coating. I need to stop talking about this. Huh wow, went that whole thing without talking about Kyle Wellwood.
No but seriously are the Winnipeg Jets a thing? Not even trying to be a dick about it.
This team is weird. People either pick them to make the playoffs or finish in the bottom 3. Sure, star power-wise the New York Rangers they are not but there are still some pretty damn good players on this team. I mean on their depth chart Mark Scheifle is a fourth line player. That’s not to be taken lightly.
A bit of an X factor for me with the Jets is the thought of Evander Kane going into the season as a very talented player who might have a chip on his shoulder. I needn’t bore you with the details but his relationship with Winnipeg(‘s press) has been strained to the point that whoever’s the Winnipeg equivalent of Donii Brennan called Kane out for not showing up to camp 3 days early. Sounds like a young guy with scoring touch who might be trying to showcase to other teams what he can do. The rest of these dudes may be a mix of solid NHLers like Andrew Ladd, Blake Wheeler or Bryan Little and dudes I’ve basically barely heard of (Chris Thorburn?) but don’t get me wrong these guys seem to know how to score by committee and boasted 10 players who got goals in the double digits last year. They could sneak up on you. Speaking of which…
LOOK OUT ERIK KARLSSON EVERYONE’S WATCHING YOU ALL OF A SUDDEN!
I don’t know if you caught this amazingly bitchy exchange on TSN ‘tween Aaron Ward and Ray Ferraro about the pressure teams are going to put on Erik Karlsson this season but I’m with Ward on this one. My take is, yes, Erik Karlsson did indeed unexpectedly win the Norris trophy but that was only at the end of the season. At 78 points he had an incredibly consistent year. Are you trying to tell me that halfway through the season any self respecting team held a pre-game video session that failed to mention “oh, and you may want to cover the incredibly fast defenseman who has over 50 points”? EK was a top pairing 1st unit power play blueliner all season I have no idea why the pressure on him will be any different this year. And don’t try to say they will be harder on him physically DAAAAAD because he’s always been small and what NHL hulk isn’t going to exploit that regardless. C’mon Special Little Guy get in there and keep making the other team look like your biological son.
Cool, so Craig Anderson gets the start. Get used to it. Guy started over 60 games last year. Baring injury, I don’t expect that to change all that much. I think Bishop will serve as a serious upgrade over Auld and the Sens will use having a backup goalie who can handle getting spot duty to their advantage but with Lehner’s two way contract I don’t see the goalie controversy everyone does. I keep hearing that Lehner is backing up Andy up because they are shopping Bishop. Okay. So, that was fast if true.
On the Jets side I’m just going to say Ondrej Pavelec will get the start as I don’t even know who their other goalie is. Let me look it up..ah, its Al Montoya…so as I said Ondrej Pavelec will get the start. Don’t pull your groins fellas!
Heyyyyyyyyyy one game into the season and I’m already tempted to talk about injuries!
It will be great to see Regin and Latendresse get a clean slate, finally stop answering questions and just play. Seriously, I basically haven’t seen either of these guys play in a really, really long time…segueeeeeeeeeeeeee…its not just about how those guys will shake out it’s about all thems guys. Finally, my friends, the good stuff, the real story of the Ottawa Senators’ season is about to get underway. All of our questions will slowly be answered. Who will surpass expectations, who will be run out of town and who will continue to be overlooked Colin Greening? Let the fun begin and OOH AHH SILFVERBERG SENS GO… did I do that right?