Somedaddy that we used to knowwwwwwwwwww

What? I told you I don’t do a game preview without my LEAN POCKET! I don’t car– Oh, WHAT the media is actually paying attention the Sens for five mintues?! Ahh what better game than against one of the best teams in the league. *Hastily changes out of “PUMP IT UP!” themed jogging pants, kicks empty Lean Cuisine dinner packages under couch, smooths out hair with TV remote buttons*

Ahem,
As Ottawa Senators fans we’ve seen some cruddy player related stuff in our time. Supposed generational talent 1st overall pick flame outs, contract hold outs, star players left to walk for nothing, trade demands, hobos, sea captains, Jonathan Cheechoo. This one is different though. Daniel Alfredsson was for nearly two decades the father figure of this still young franchise. He did 17 tours with the Sens and has done more for the team than anyone else in its history. Even up to last season’s playoffs he was a hero. Given the past few years’ uncertainty surrounding his future, I’ve always said that if the time came toward the end of his career that if he wanted to get a good shot at the cup on another team, well, he doesn’t owe us a goddamn thing at this point and he’d have all the right in the world to. Thing is when it actually happened I gotta say….rougher than I expected. I’m not going to get into the minutia of it all other than I think both sides are BSing a bit AND telling the truth a little bit. Melnyk lil cheap on the ol’ pay day, Alfie liiiittle hasty on the ol’ exit after giving every indication he’d resign. Which is actually a pretty good symbol of how I feel about him going into tonight: Him playing for another team changes nothing about what he did for the Sens buuuuuuuuut him playing for another team changes my attitude toward him.
He plays for another team now. I more or less hate all of the other teams and a highly skilled divisional rival well…I don’t care HOW nice those uniforms are. As for his plan, I don’t hope the Red Wings can win a cup for Alfie because I care about the Sens winning so much more than that. C’mon James…try to finish strong with a Klassik Kuote:

“Those are all the things that I’m going to have to be saying about those things” – Forresstt Gumps. 

Now I’m Going to Talk About Zibanejad but also Derek Grant for good measure
I’ve noticed in a lot of conversation surrounding this whole Zibanejad demotion thing is if you’re in favor of returning him to the big club that you see him as the answer to the Sens woes. I definitely get that one shouldn’t put too much into one player being inserted into the lineup. I can’t, however, discount the fact that a very good hockey player is being added to the team and think he helps their chances for success. Zibanejad will start the game anchoring the fourth line twixt Derek Grant and Erik Condra, which is a pretty badass fourth line if you ask me. Hopefully we get to see a big game from Ziba who’ll have a lot too prove in his 2013-2014 debut. It will likely be tough for him to make a mark on the score sheet though as my guess is his ice time will be pretty sparse playing in a more defensive role in his first game. BTW, the way this team gives up shots / doesn’t take advantage of opportunities, “a quiet but solid defensive game” qualifies as an outstanding performance to me at this point. Speaking of which I’d like to touch on Derek Grant for a moment.
To build on what I was saying about how having a solid game qualifies as awesome, that is probably best personified by how call up Derek Grant performed in the complete garbage dump game against the Oilers Saturday. I was pretty surprised to see he got under 6 minutes of ice time because:
1. He’s a penalty killer how does he not get 25+ minutes of ice time (see what I did there)?
2. I noticed him every time he was out on the ice.
He may not have gotten on the score sheet (leave that to Chris Neil* and his BEAUTIFUL snipe on Dubnyk**) but I thought Grant was very good on the kill really getting uhh…whoever plays defense for Edmonton on their (?) heels in their own zone a couple of times. I can see how he tends to lead Binghamton in shorties. OOoooOOOoooOO, I see Clarke MacArthur and Jared Cowen are playing tonight so Grant will have plenty of time to show MacLean what he can do on the PK.

The Ottawa Senators Power Play Dancers Feat. Chris Neil and Chris Phillips Needs To REST. ITS. CASE!!!
Okay, Paul MacLean, I get it, I get it, I get it you want the team to shoot the puck more. Lessons have been learned, laughter and love shared and so on. Now please take Christophers Phillips and Neil off the power play before I shoot myself more (HYPERBOLE!).
Ugh, Praise Be 2 Jah that Neil’s goal wasn’t on the power play then this stuff would have had some  justification behind it. Can we go back to the best players play mantra? But as in the best players get to prove themselves as best players again…please? Oh goooooooooooooooooooooooooood Wiercioch has been scratched. So…now I can’t believe the question on my mind is: Who is the better option for Karlsson’s partner for the 1st unit power play tonight……Chris Phillips…..or….Joe Corvo? Ihavetoliedownforawhile.

Smooth Jimmy’s #REALTALKidzKorner
I tune into every game hoping that Ottawa wins (doi, what am I a Flyers fan?) but this one is going to be really tough. No doubt Ottawa (as an entire team) is going to have play their absolute best game of the season to beat a highly motivated Detroit Red Wings. With the Senators coming off a loss, again I must stress the badness of this loss, where they couldn’t connect two passes in a row and were nearly shut out by the Oilers are now up against a team who’s own recent loss consisted of not only shutting out the best team in the league but facing a goalie with zero losses on the season and who’s so Hansel level hot right now that he actually also shutout the shootout INCLUDING THIS SAVE AGAINST NOTED WAR CRIMINAL TODD BERTUZZI. Ugh! Hockemotions.

Anderson gets the start tonight facing one of the most disciplined system teams in the league. Unless there’s a sea change in play, he will basically have to save the defense’s skin who have been putrid so far this year. Jimmy Howard who is a goaltender getting just his second start since returning from the IR and also enjoys playing behind defensemen gets the start for the Wings.
I know this has been a bit of a downer preview but Ottawa has a ton to prove tonight. They aren’t on a huge road trip anymore and they’ve had time to rest and regroup. We all know Ottawa is a far better team than they’ve been playing as so far this year let’s see if they can show us. This game could be a real statement if Ottawa can manage to look good. It’s going to come down these 10 hilariously simple and copyrighted fundamentals of winning a hockey game:
1. Win faceoffs and maintain possession b/c u r a posseshhhhh team btw
2. Stay out of the penalty box
3. Stay out of the fucking penalty box
4. Stay out…of that motherfu–
5. Get QUALITY scoring chances oh and don’t forget to capitalize on them occasionally!
6. Play some respectable defense…YES I know Joe Corvo is playing in this game.
7. Star players need to look like star players.
8. Simplifyyyyyyyy maaaannnnnnnnnn (aka shoot maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan)
9. Again, the penalty thing.
10. WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME GO WIN THIS STUPID GAME!

Now go out there and
ENJOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY the game

Whatever the opposite of “bold” prediction: Alfie to score emotionally confusing goal.

*Heyyyyy let me beat this horse to death: Neil’s one goal on the year is 100% more than Dany Heatley whom I’m hoping becomes this century’s Scott Gomez

**Whom is still considered to be developing despite being drafted 9 years ago because Oilers.