One development in sports coverage in the past 25 years is the increase in fan and media access to players. With the social media explosion, fans now have unprecedented access to their multi-millionaire heroes and can really get to know players and their personalities. Bobby Ryan bought an RV! Clarke MacArthur bought a tiny motorcycle! Cody Ceci is very trusting! Who doesn’t have things in common with these people? Little off-ice moments such as this are how a player as otherwise marginal as Kaspars Daugavins can become so beloved by the fanbase.

But still, some players slip through the cracks. This is likely by design. Some guys just want to go to the rink, be a professional, and go home. They aren’t in this to make friends. Nobody embodied The Milford Mantra of being neither seen nor heard more than David Legwand. Remember that big moment David Legwand had this season? Me neither. In fact, the only thing I remember about Legs (???) is when he loomed up from out of nowhere in the middle of a “We made the playoffs!” celebration video. That’s it. David Legwand was The Grey Man in Ottawa. He wasn’t good, he wasn’t bad, he was just sort of…there.

So here’s a salute to The David Legwand All-Stars: Players who are completely unmemorable for whatever reason. Let’s do some internet research and see if we can learn a thing or two about them today!

Goalie

Alex Auld

Stats in Ottawa: 57 GP, 18-22-9, 2.66 GAA, .906 sv%

Representative YouTube Highlight:

Life Comes At You Fast Wikipedia Page Excerpt: Initially, Auld was expected to be the undisputed starter in Florida. However, the July 25 signing of Ed Belfour introduced some competition, and Belfour eventually won the job as starting goalie. Controversially, in October, Auld was hospitalized while ‘horsing around’ with Belfour, with suspicions that Belfour had assaulted him.

There are lots of ways of being a memorable goalie. You can be very good. You can be very bad. You can be part of a terrible trade. You can be part of a trade that’s terrible for a different reason than the other one. You can get hurt at the worst possible time. You can get hurt all the time. You can have a very controversial mask. You can have the least controversial mask. Somehow Alex Auld did none of these things.

Forwards

Andreas Dackell

Stats in Ottawa: 401 GP, 65 G, 115 A, 104 PIM

Representative YouTube Highlight:

Life Comes At You Fast Wikipedia Page Excerpt: After acquiring Bill Muckalt from the New York Islanders the Senators traded Dackell due to his more expensive contract. He was traded to the Montreal Canadiens during the 2001 draft for a seventh round pick.

As a defensive forward, Andreas Dackell was the Erik Condra of his day. He was also Swedish. Basically if Andreas Dackell played for Ottawa when Twitter was around, he’d be Top 3 in popularity. Instead he’s simply remembered as The One Who Wasn’t Magnus Arvedson. As always, timing is everything.

Bruce Gardiner

Stats in Ottawa: 181 GP, 22 G, 32 A, 146 PIM

Representative YouTube Highlight:

Ok, actually that does seem pretty memorable. My bad. I’ll take the L on this one.

Life Comes At You Fast Wikipedia Page Excerpt: On May 4, 1986, Gardiner, who was 14 years old at the time, helped rescue two men and two boys from possible hypothermia on the Mattagami River along with some friends. On December 11, 1987, he was awarded the Medal of Bravery. The story was later reenacted on the television show Heart of Courage.

Players Who Surprisingly Have More Games Played as a Senator Than Marc Methot:

Bruce Gardiner
Peter Regin
Ricard Persson
Dean McAmmond

Perception of time is weird.

Vaclav Varada

Stats in Ottawa: 117 GP, 12 G, 27 A, 84 PIM

Representative YouTube Highlight:

Life Comes At You Fast Wikipedia Page Excerpt: He was later traded to the Ottawa Senators for Jakub Klepiš before the 2003 trade deadline in an attempt by the Senators to become a tougher and gritty team, en route to the Senators’ first Eastern Conference championship series against the defensive-minded team, New Jersey Devils.

Vaclav Varada did most of his best work with the Buffalo Sabres, thus making him the original Robin Lehner.

Defense:

Curtis Leschyshyn

Stats in Ottawa: 200 GP, 3 G, 23 A, 78 PIM

Representative YouTube Highlight:

Life Comes At You Fast Wikipedia Page Excerpt: Leschyshyn is an avid cyclist and cycles 40–50 miles a day.^{[citation needed]} Leschyshyn has been a participant on Battle of the Blades.^{[citation needed]}

200 games played! That’s the same number of games as Mika Zibanejad. Yet, Leschyshyn’s main claim to fame is the time I rhymed his name with “incision” to win a freestyle rap battle in the Ottawa Underground Battle Rap League (OUBRL).

Lance Pitlick

Stats in Ottawa: 228 GP, 11 G, 25 A, 190 PIM

Representative YouTube Highlight:

What I’m taking away from this highlight reel is that Lance Pitlick liked to hit dudes in the head a lot. Also: is Lance Pitlick the most surprising former NHL player to have a highlight reel?

Life Comes At You Fast Wikipedia Page Excerpt: This biographical article relating to an American ice hockey defenseman is a stub. You can help Wikipedia by expanding it.

I think we’re done here.