This is a weekly feature that takes an uncharitable look at the Senators’ upcoming opponents.

Me, out here (not pictured: you, in there)

Watching this week’s game with an opposing fan? Here are some talking points you can use to EVISCERATE them and their team. And keep those cards and letters coming!

Tuesday, March 8 – Senators @ Hurricanes

• “The Hurricanes were even with the Senators at the trade deadline and decided to sell! Talk about a bunch of quitters!”
• “What kind of team trades their captain? He must have been terrible!”
• “What are you going to do with all those draft picks, anyway? You have more picks than you have spots on your roster! What a waste.”

PREDICTION: Look for the Senators to keep their slim playoff hopes alive with a convincing performance. Senators 5, Hurricanes 0.

Thursday, March 10 – Senators @ Panthers

• “Lead the division all you want; anything can happen in the playoffs.”
• “Jagr is 44 and has 21 goals; Zack Smith is 27 and has 18. I’ll take Smith and those next 17 years, thank you very much.”
• “More like Ek-BAD. More like Bjugs-BAD. More like BAD-branson. Ha, nice.”

PREDICTION: Look for the Senators to keep their modest playoff hopes alive with a authoritative performance. Senators 5, Panthers 0.

Saturday, March 12 – Senators vs. Maple Leafs

• “You guys are so dumb you’re paying Jared Cowen NOT to play!”
• “If Phaneuf isn’t a leader, how come he’s already got Borowiecki’s A?”
• “Rebuild? The only difference is now you’re losing on purpose! What are you going to do with all those draft picks, anyway?”

PREDICTION: Look for the Senators to keep their growing playoff hopes alive with a dominating performance. Senators 5, Leafs 0.

Season prediction record: 31-29-7

Next week: We say goodbye to the Habs the traditional way – from above, laughing.