This is a weekly feature that takes an uncharitable look at the Senators’ upcoming opponents.

Sadly more than any V-shaped belly could promise this year.

It’s round 3 of “Guys who were worse after leaving the Senators for one of this week’s opponents!” What are we waiting for?

Tuesday, March 22 – Senators vs. Capitals

Chris Phillips and Joe Corvo stare into the middle distance.

Senators: 127 GP, 14 G, 50 A, 0.50 PPG
Capitals: 18 GP, 2 G, 4 A, 0.33 PPG
Senators again: 25 GP, 3 G, 7 A, 0.40 PPG

PREDICTION: No Eastern Conference team has won both the President’s Trophy and the Stanley Cup in over 20 years. Will the Capitals break the streak? No. Look for the Senators to rout the resting Caps and for the Sun to have a headline like “PREZ CANDIDATE FELLED BY DZINGEL GUNMAN” the next day. Senators 5, Capitals 0.

Wednesday, March 23 – Senators @ Islanders

Chris Phillips asks Shane Prince to hit him.

Senators: 44 GP, 3 G, 10 A, 0.30 PPG
Islanders: 10 GP, 1 G, 0 A, 0.10 PPG

PREDICTION: Look for an 18-year-old forward to be drafted by the Senators with the Islanders’ third-round pick after scoring a hat trick the OHL playoffs this week, and for you to quickly talk yourself into his potential. Look for Shane Prince to take 12 shifts Wednesday and finish -2. Senators 5, Islanders 0.

Saturday, March 26 – Senators vs. Ducks

Chris Phillips shows Jakob Silfverberg what a real beard looks like.

Senators: 48 GP, 0.40 PPG, $900K AAV
Ducks: 204 GP, 0.45 PPG, $3.75M AAV

PREDICTION: Bobby Ryan has 4 points in 5 career games against the Ducks; Jakob Silfverberg has 2 points in 5 careeer games against the Senators, which is ironic given that Silfverberg isn’t half the player Ryan is. Look for Ryan to make this ratio a little more accurate by scoring 42 goals Saturday, and for Silfverberg to continue to resemble one of the guys in Aqua. Senators 5, Ducks 0.

Season prediction record: 34-31-8

Next week: A WILD Sens road trip will mean they’ll be travelling on JETS, which I guess makes them FLYERS. Look, this is not my real job.