Happy Xmas Pagans, its Saint Swithin’s Day for 2 more minutes and you know what that meaaaaaaaans…

BERRP TERRRP DERRRPYYYY DERRRRRRRRRR!!! (that’s that Sens trumpet thing btw)

Its playoff tiiiiiiiiime! I know I haven’t been arouuuund latelyyyyyyy I was picked up by the poliiiiiiice for VAAAAAGRAAANCYYYYYYYYY!

Okay, so are we all bleeping excited for this? It’s game 3 and the Sens return to the friendly confines of Scotia Bank presents: Large Building and —

You know what? Let’s just get to the Chipotle-Sandalwood Dijonaise of why I’ve met here with you today:

Been reading a lot of “MSG was Electric for Games 1 and 2 …Will SBP be loud?” on the Sensphere. WHOA! Wait a minute. Really, friends…no, look at me….look in my eyes.  You know I love you and I need to know…is that where we’re at? Is THAT where our Ottawa self loathing is AT right now? We’re doubting our ability to adequately cheer for the Sens returning home after defeating the Rags in OT on the road down 2 men? Puppy, puppy no, no, nooo and we were all feeling so chuffed after the All Star Game. You’ve been hanging around too many leafs fans jerk faces planting seeds of doubt in your mind.

I’m not trying to bum you out little buddy Im trying to light A FIRE UNDER YOU. Look, I’ll be realistic, I’ve been to some games lacking in intensity, usually they are of the
late season 4-0 drubbing at the hands of the Carolina Hurricaines variety but fair enough. Like the great singer-songwriter Chris Martin said in that Coldplay song that sounds really different from the other Coldplay songs, “Nobody said it would be easy / Something something cheering at a hockey game” Right? Lets take it back to the start (see what did there?)
The Ottawa Senators is a 20 years young (doesn’t look a day over 17) franchise and has the VERY FORTUNATE circumstance of being wedged between two 100 year old hockey clubs one’s fans
insane and accustomed to victory to the point of setting their city on fire if their equipment manager doesn’t get 5 points a game and speak fluent Portugese and the other suffering from a Napoleon complex where the worse the team their dad loves they love performs the more they have to lash out at Ottawa. TRY TO GUESS WHICH IS WHICH! Hard times have been given. Ottawa is a house thrice divided. We Sens fans despite building this fanbase on hostile territory have gotten a complex all our own as a result.
Another conceit I will afford this line of thinking is this: have you ever tried to start a GO SENS GO chant? I have. IT CAN BE CHALLENGING. Its just a hockey game, help your fellow fans out! But again, I want to light a fire under you, so Im here to offer answers.
If you find the atmosphere lacking at the arena YOU ARE ALLOWED TO CHEER MORE. Like many criticisms of Ottawa itself, many people enjoy being part of this faceless mass of complaining about stuff but seem to do very little in offering a solution to the things that are irking them. Theyre called “People who write in the comment section on the Ottawa Citizen website.” You’re not one of them are you? Of course not. Heyyyyy, don’t have any friends like me and you’re looking for people to get rowdy with? Look no further than the awesome and ever growing presence that is Red Scarf Union. These guys and gals are fighting the good fight! Hear that chanting on the TV? Yeah, they started it. Join em! Its free, respectful and it(?) wants to hang out with you. Scotiabank place is far and you have to drive and youre tired and whatever? Take the bus to the game. Its easy, you get out of the parking lot first and take the bus lane on the 417 (speaking of favorite complaints) AND you get to chirp the guy in the leafs jersey at a non-leafs-Sens game with me! No one hates the bus system more than me and my car but I will say the service to SBP is one instance where OC Transthing gets it right! Plus no one will rat you out about your flask *WIIIIIIINK* There, now you can have a few drinks and loosen up a bit! Maybe you’ll finally get up the courage to ask Varada to go see the new Three Stooges movie with you! He told me he “likes you likes you” btw…just DO IT.

Anyway pals, we’ve had a quite the upbringing and are pretty hard on ourselves as a fanbase. Yeah, SOME people booed Gonchar and Kuba on opening night. I was there. It was a small portion of the crowd but yes it sucked and was very awkward. Anyway, we kick ourselves all year over stuff like that but look around, how many times did Montreal and Toronto boo their own team this season alone? Like 10 (being conservative)? They are “great fans” that they wear fucking bags on their heads. Chill mon, the shit happens.

We’re all a bunch of hockey loving doofuses at heart. There’s lots of boneheads everywhere. Its weird, lets get over it. Okay aaaaaaand the last and most important reason is becaaaaaaauuuse….

It’s the playoffs. Our sweet, sweet Captain of a man might not be back next year AND (on a very related note) the Sens might not be back in the playoffs next year OR the year after. We’re lucky we’re getting to be a part of this stuff so lets shut up and go a bit bananas. If youre going to the game get wild (consider trying a hint of meth before the game 🙂 My favorite flavor is Dave’s Memories of the Meth Belt, Zesty Louisianan Style ) buy a XXL red Senators snuggie and if the name Daniel Alfredsson gets announced over the PA …well…

Here’s the words to the chants write them on your hand with a pen 1. “GO SENS GO” repeat 2. “ALFIE” repeat.
GO SENS GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKINGPLAYOFFSANDSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  1. They need to put this entire preview on the BRAND NEW BELL HD BIG SCREEN HD SCREEN BELL SCREEN, right before we drag that thing down to the ice and set it on fire.

  2. Last night during the LA game they had an audio file of Cartman going GO KINGS GO GO KINGS GO

    We need to have Steve Carrell screaming LOOOOOOOUD NOIIIIIISEEEESSSSS!!!!!! ON LOOP BAHD

Leave a Reply to Varada Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s