This is a weekly feature that takes an uncharitable look at the Senators’ upcoming opponents.

Me, leaving the building (not pictured: you, asking, “what is a boy/girl/person of non-binary gender to do?”

Hiiiiiii… listen. We ran out of time to put a Hater’s Guide together this weekend. Ottawa Hockey Analytics Conference, that’s right. Yeah, it was like a track off of Fishscale. Anyway, we figured we’d just preview this week’s four – four! – games by highlighting the success, or lack thereof, that former Senators achieved with each of this week’s opponents. Your move, Mike Hoffman.

Monday, January 18 – Senators @ Sharks

Dany Heatley celebrates with Chris Phillips after yet another goal.

Senators: 317 GP, 180 G, 182 A; 1.15 PPG
Sharks: 162 GP, 65 G, 81 A; 0.90 PPG

PREDICTION: Senators 5, Sharks 0.

Thursday, January 21 – Senators @ Devils

Anton Volchenkov commiserates with Chris Phillips after yet another agility test.

Senators: 428 GP, 16 G, 78 A; 0.22 PPG
Devils: 222 GP, 3 G, 29 A 0.14 PPG

PREDICTION: Senators 5, Devils 0.

Friday, January 22 – Senators vs. Islanders

Alexei Yashin smashes Chris Phillips in the face after yet another confrontation.

Senators: 504 GP, 218 G, 273 A; 0.97 PPG
Islanders: 346 GP, 119 G, 171 A; 0.84 PPG

PREDICTION: Senators 5, Islanders 0.

Sunday, January 24 – Senators vs. Rangers

Wade Redden and Chris Phillips light up yet another tree.

Senators: 684 G, 101 G, 309 A; 0.60 PPG
Rangers: 156 GP, 5 G, 35 A; 0.26 PPG

PREDICTION: Senators 5, Rangers 0.

Season prediction record: 21-18-6

Next week: The Sabres! And the sweet, tender mercy of time off.