Hey, What Are We Searching For? Battle of the Deluxe Top 41 Edition.

So the other day I’m surfing on Twitter. Sorry “surfing” is slang that means I was standing in Twitter. Suddenly a thing lit up. It was a question from loyal reader/comment poster/twitter follower-interacter/fellow blog haver @Rory_mg. He said, “@wtyky” and I said, “Yes, @rory_mg?” He said, “What’s the weirdest search term that has been used to bring ppl to your blog? Apparently I’m the go to for “shea weber shirtless”

Thanks for your question and follow up statement, Ror’. Now, as none of you know, we here at WTYKY track many strange search items on our Big Brotheresque surveillance  system. Items that bring us tiny crystal marshmallows of joy and traffic. We even started a periodical column called “Hey, What Are We Searching For?” that I would appreciate you pretending you read. So many memories. Sharing  both the laughter and love.
Before Rory (I’m assuming his real name is Rory)’s question came along, I had never considered these search items in terms of an overall Champion of Weirdness. I figured since there is NOT EVEN SO MUCH AS GODDAMN TRAINING CAMP TO WRITE ABOUT I would go through a bunch. OH NO NO NO WAIT WAIT You don’t have to go through all them yet! I still have some stuff to tell you! As you’ll seeeee EYES UP! As you will see, the crop was too bountiful for me to choose a favorite. I leave it to you, dear reader, with a list of the top #41 with a snide comment from yours truly in brackets for good measure. Vote for your favorite one in the poll or in the comment section. Our team of crack researchers (the name comes from what we pay them in!) will tally the results and our very own Steven will create an image representing the winner*!

*With the exception of #12 you can go anywhere to see that. Page me if you want some EXCLUSIVE recommendations. I will be counting any votes for 12 as Sergio Gonchar because that is my pick as it is what I want most to see Steve do something with.

In no particular order the nominees are…

1. brodeur crayon picture (Looks surprisingly like a blonde TJ’s Big Boy)

2. jail_infinity room (Home sweet home)

3. yoda cop (Look forward to more amazing fan fiction like this in the event of a lockout!)

4. erik karlsson ottawa bod (I don’t know if we’ve made any posts specifically about that (yet) but…I would imagine dude has a pretty killer bod, THANKS FOR READING!)

5. jail_infinity code (#45349596546897569823452908240598420569248503495680569803968063458036752689357015-9048526858976905867)

6. sammy hagar a jerk (Don’t take my word for it! Read all about it in his new tell all autobiography, “Red” or according to Wikipedia, his cameo as a bartender in an episode of Nash Bridges)

7. piss off we’re full (we’re not full btw, in fact, Welcome to our internet kingdom! …follow us on twitter/everything/seriously there’s a lockout looming please help us)

8. sergio gonchar (La più bella uomo difesa italiana a cinghia mai su un paio di pattini da ghiaccio! Saluti Sergio!)

9. mike fisher t-shirt chopped into pieces (okay my little Senscrafters, now let’s get out our glue stick and begin distributing the shirt pieces evenly over the Spartacat hair …good. That’s good. Now lets apply some of our Alex Auld mask sparkles!)

10. logos fish (Ugh! ANOTHER Logo’s Land redirect)

11. bdsm penalty bench (Wow, the internet is not doing a very good job of helping people find what they are looking for)

12. fucking couple (No, really, the internet is not doing a very good job of helping people find what they are looking for…I can think of maybe a billion better sites to find that on than ours. You’re fired Askjeeves! )

13. pissed off toddlers (Funny, we haven’t written about the labor negotiations very much so far)

14. in dads pool (that’s where you’ll fiiiiiiiiiiind meeee…peeing…and…blogging)

15. head shots of Christ (We’re like the Judeo-Christian IMDB)

16. bill simmons idea (Our office is actually just like a sports writer version of Being John Malkovich but with hockey writers…or are we like Herman’s Head? Either way, Yardley Smith is here. REFERENCES!)

17. lame palm (We are SO over those leaves and we are not about to stop writing about how whack they are. Oh and you’re next ASPEN LEAVES)

18. english homework covers (I think we can agree English Homework is one of the greatest bands of all time but we do not endorse any covers or remixes of their songs. Just leave those classics be!)

19. make me feel pretty (Done and done. YOURE WELCOME READERS)

20..shittiness travelled back in time (Someone must have been searching for one of our old posts)

21. pissed off boy + table ( = us blogging, right?)

22. “colin mcgowan” and “desire” (I don’t even know what that is. I have to admit I suddenly find myself jealous of Colin McGowan)

23. sphere watch (The conclusion of Michael Crichton’s classic left a LOT of questions unanswered… join the conversation on twitter by searching #spherewatch today!)

24. chris campoli blog (Okay, if this existed it would be one of the best things on the internet….I would be willing to settle for a Campoli twitter parody someone get on this)

25. uhh ahh game (Uhh…AHH…AHH…AHH UHH …Ahh. I win again. Don’t mess with the master.)

26. highlights of Canada (You guys, we’ve been shortlisted!!!)

27. real unicorn still alive (but…for how long?)

28. jarkko ruutu flute (from the makers of Mike Comrie Oboe and Wade Redden Bouzouki)

29. teemu selanne yacht (From our classic coverage, “Aint No Party Like a Teemu in International Waters Party!” I still have a couple scars from that weekend. Worth it.)

30. foods that rhyme (4 hits based on this! What can I say people flock to us for ideas on how to complete that poem about nutritious snacks)

31. new age fantasy (basically your poem about nutritious snacks but accompanied by Jarkko Ruutu flute and taking place on Teemu Selanne’s yacht in the fourth dimension)

32. ngwafusi (Look, I have a tendency to mash the keyboard with my hands…but after a bit of research it’s someone’s last name. I ask you this: Which of these two things brought us this traffic?)

33. these are your karlson years sens blog (this one is not all that odd but it is a very, very popular searh item. Are you trying to tell us that we should have called this blog “These Are Your Karlsson Years”?_

34. advantages of hard work (how in god’s name did this get associated with us?)

35. sleeping (now thaaaaaaaaat’s more like it)

36. fantasy place (now thaaaaaaaaaat’s even more like it…unless that’s supposed to mean fantasy as in “fantasy sports pool” … Ask Varada about that kind of shit)

37. bogglins (Question: Do we really reference Bogglins that much? Follow up question: Would anyone subscribe to a podcast about Bogglins if we started one?)

38. phantasy acid bilder (10 minute organ solo followed by 15 minute bass solo followed by you waking up in a hospital)

39. young pierre mcguire photos (WTYKY…your source…for….why are you looking for that and why did you think that we have that?)

40. alkoholizam (I kann kwit anythyme I whant)

and finally I’ll just leave this one alone to echo through the corridors of centuries…

41. oops embarrassed fart

Hey, internet, what are we searching for?

A delightful and whimsical journey to the center of how you end up inside our underwater internet kingdom called WTYKY (it certainly aint twitter, c’mon guys be our friend or whatever @wtyky)

First off if you’re EVER in need of a sober, dry environment to hang out, Welcome to your Karlsson years is probably up there in your top 1 places on the internet to go. We would NEVER post in a drunken rage or a drunken opposite of rage. We have many signs with our numerous Anti-Drinking slogans. Moving on…

NOW, here’s the important stuff. This is a case of “Hey internet, what are we searching for?”  where a person gets it RIGHT.

Picture this, you’re going about your job at the Arm Wrestling Factory, and your bo$$, Rick Ro$$ (spelled that way) comes up to you and says, “Smedley (Im assuming that’s your name) people just dont turn to Arm Wrestling anymore when it comes to entertainment. They like things like X Box Three Hundred and Sixty with KynnexX combo pack now… we need to think of of a way to get Arm Wrestling back on the average families radar screen…im thinking plastic bags? …NO……no…PROMOTIONAL BAGS! Uh oh, now that I’ve start thinking about it I cant decide….well, that’s what I pay you for. Have a decision about this whole Plastic bags vs. Promotional Bags thing on my desk by Monday! Im going to lunch.”
Do you take lunch? Hell no. You go to the internet cafe on your break and do it right.
Step one you go to a .edu site. Find some scholarly materials on the Plastic Bags vs. Promotional Bags debate and find out what the academic temperature is on this thing.
ALWAYS print it off in a PDF format (two sided flip over now, Earth Enemy No.1!)
Go to the government site over this and find out what the latest policy is on the subject just to cover all bases legally speaking.
FINALLY, you put your choice your cart and press SHOP and BOOM here you are on Welcome To Your Karlsson Years (obviously).

Hey, what are we searching for today internet?

🙂

WTYKY: Your Source For All Types of Ill Shit.

Part of an ongoing series (that is very difficult to NOT make a post about every single day) where we periodically take a glance at some Google searches that have landed you lovers on Timeship Welcome To Your Karlsson Years.
Note to the person who made this search: Let me just page my man Ray-Ray and I’ll right back to you, bro!