A baconator came to me in a dream. And spoke with my father’s voice.

VARADA. THIS IS YOUR FATHER.

WHY DID YOU DOUBT? WHY DO YOU DOUBT THE SILFVERBERG AND THE ALFREDSSON? WHY ARE YOU SO CYNICAL ABOUT THE SENATORS’ ABILITY TO ‘BELIEVE IT’? DID YOU NOT RECEIVE YOUR TOWEL? ITS INSTRUCTIONS WERE CLEAR. DOES THE TOWEL SAY ANYTHING ABOUT CORSI OR FENWICK? NO, IT DOES NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT CORSI OR FENWICK.

WHY DID THE SENATORS NOT LISTEN TO THOSE SITTING AROUND YOU AND THEIR INSTRUCTIONS TO “SHOOT IT”?

ANYWAY, GAME SEVEN IS GOING TO BE INTENSE. AND NOT ONLY BECAUSE THE NHL MAY AS WELL RELEASE A LIVE FUCKING PANTHER ON THE ICE FOR ALL THE ARBITRARY BULLSHIT THE OFFICIATING IMPOSES ON THIS GAME. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WATCHED AN NBA GAME AND SAW ONE TEAM GET 10 FREE THROW CHANCES IN A ROW, OR AN NFL GAME THAT SEES ONE TEAM GET A 40 YARD PENALTY? YOU NEVER HAVE. BECAUSE THOSE SPORTS ARE REAL THINGS. THEN AGAIN, SENATORS GET A GOAL WITH 32 SECONDS LEFT AFTER WHAT WAS CLEARLY GOALIE INTERFERENCE AND SKATE KICK. WHATEVER THE FUCK. WHO EVEN CARES AFTER THIS RANDOM CRAP.

YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE YOUR DEGREE IN ENGLISH LITERATURE.

ASIDE: CHRIS NEIL WAS BOSS TONIGHT.

PUCK DADDY: “In a series that’s seen its share of inconstant, sometimes horrific officiating, who knows how Game 7 will play out.”

NO KIDDING. TOO BAD IT WILL HAVE ONLY 50% TO DO WITH ACTUAL HOCKEY.

ANYWAY: 20,000 FREE BACONATORS CAN’T BE WRONG. HOPE THE PANTHER IS ON OUR SIDE NEXT GAME. GO SENS.

Silfverberg in. The Time For Practicality Has Passed. The Rangers Must Be Destroyed

Actual rendition of Silfverberg wearing Golden SEL Championship Helmet

Okay, I had my chance to question the logic of playing a rookie in admittedly the most important game of the entire season. I had my chance to point out how Mark Stone, having been in Senators practices for a week or two, is different from a jetlagged Silfverberg. And I’ve also had my chance to point out that Stone was doing JUST FINE so why muck with it? All that’s bunk now. Time to get on the train.

LET’S DO THIS.

GO SENS.

I HAVE A 4:00 TELECONFERENCE.

WHO BOOKED THAT SHIT. 

Playing Jakob Silfverberg in this series seems like a pretty terrible idea to me

I won’t recount Silfverberg’s many enticing qualifications. Let’s just say that he looks like a hell of a prospect, far better than that “top nine forward” designation most prospect tracking websites have carved out for him. When it comes to this team needing some offensive punch against the Rangers, Silfverberg is as likely a candidate as Mark Stone, Mike Hoffman, or anyone else to contribute. Add to it that Silfverberg has been playing playoff hockey for weeks already, and I admit it: he could make an immediate impact. And it would be a great next chapter to his storybook year.

But here’s the thing: I don’t want to break Jakob Silfverberg’s brain.

Winning a playoff series would be pretty cool, but there are much bigger goals for a franchise, and helping their prospects reach their maximum potential is right up there. Silfverberg has the potential to be a top six forward for this team for years to come, and his development should take precedent over the slim potential that he will enter a pivotal playoff game in a pressure-cooker environment and make a difference.

Silfverberg isn’t here to win us one Game Seven. He’s here to help us win many Game Sevens.

My greatest fear isn’t that Silfverberg might not be as effective as, say, Jesse “I-won’t-lose-you-a-game-but-I-won’t-win-you-one-either” Winchester on the first line. My fear is that a mistake hurts the kid’s confidence and, very likely, turns this city’s acerbic and sort of shitty media against him. Imagine if a defensive gaffe leads to the series-losing goal, or he steps out onto the ice and Mike Rupp or Brian Boyle paste him into the boards. What then?

This is a player, after all, who said no to the NHL to spend another year in the SEL. He shouldn’t play unless he feels ready. And without a training camp, some exhibition games, and a chance to test himself against an NHL defence—not only the Rangers incredibly stingy defence, but any NHL defence—how can he know?

In any case, the playoffs are enough to make veterans look star-crossed. Putting all of our eggs in the Silfverberg basket isn’t only a bit unrealistic, it’s also sort of unfair.

Hey, internet, what are we searching for?

A delightful and whimsical journey to the center of how you end up inside our underwater internet kingdom called WTYKY (it certainly aint twitter, c’mon guys be our friend or whatever @wtyky)

First off if you’re EVER in need of a sober, dry environment to hang out, Welcome to your Karlsson years is probably up there in your top 1 places on the internet to go. We would NEVER post in a drunken rage or a drunken opposite of rage. We have many signs with our numerous Anti-Drinking slogans. Moving on…

NOW, here’s the important stuff. This is a case of “Hey internet, what are we searching for?”  where a person gets it RIGHT.

Picture this, you’re going about your job at the Arm Wrestling Factory, and your bo$$, Rick Ro$$ (spelled that way) comes up to you and says, “Smedley (Im assuming that’s your name) people just dont turn to Arm Wrestling anymore when it comes to entertainment. They like things like X Box Three Hundred and Sixty with KynnexX combo pack now… we need to think of of a way to get Arm Wrestling back on the average families radar screen…im thinking plastic bags? …NO……no…PROMOTIONAL BAGS! Uh oh, now that I’ve start thinking about it I cant decide….well, that’s what I pay you for. Have a decision about this whole Plastic bags vs. Promotional Bags thing on my desk by Monday! Im going to lunch.”
Do you take lunch? Hell no. You go to the internet cafe on your break and do it right.
Step one you go to a .edu site. Find some scholarly materials on the Plastic Bags vs. Promotional Bags debate and find out what the academic temperature is on this thing.
ALWAYS print it off in a PDF format (two sided flip over now, Earth Enemy No.1!)
Go to the government site over this and find out what the latest policy is on the subject just to cover all bases legally speaking.
FINALLY, you put your choice your cart and press SHOP and BOOM here you are on Welcome To Your Karlsson Years (obviously).

How bad has Jason Spezza been?

Sung to the tune of Nickleback's "Photograph" - "Look at this Spezza hat / It's been signed by Antoine Vermette / I admit that doesn't make much sense / but then again I gotta pay the rent."

To read the Ottawa papers, the Senators are tied through four games against the Rangers because a few pluggers have stepped up in the the absence of Daniel Alfredsson and the relative invisibility of Milan Michalek and Jason Spezza. It’s been the role players providing clutch scoring. To the naked eye there’s been an almost night-and-day change in the play of Jason Spezza.

I’m not breaking any news when I say that Spezza had a great regular season. So great, in fact, that the consensus among Senators blogs seems both that he is only second to the emergence of Erik Karlsson as the reason for the team’s bounce-back year, and that he’s the team’s captain-in-waiting.

Spezza stayed healthy, missing only two games all season long (only the second time he’s played at least 80 games in his career); he finished fourth in league scoring, putting up more than a point per game; he bettered his 82 game campaign by 11 points, and went from a -14 to a +11 when comparing the two seasons.

But what made Spezza so effective during the regular season was his ability to drive puck possession. The same creativity that is now causing some of us to tear our hair out was, when employed with confidence, a central driver to the team’s offensive zone dominance. Spezza’s relative CORSI during the regular season was a +6.0, which is the best among centers on the team (not including Mike Hoffman’s one NHL game), and third best on the team behind Daniel Alfredsson and Erik Karlsson among players with more than 15 games played. (Interesting side note: in his 15 games, Rob Klinkhammer scored a better relative CORSI than Spezza. Food for thought?) Spezza is key to a Senators team that finished fourth best in the league in offensive production.

In the playoffs, through an admittedly small sample size of four games, you would expect to see a reversal of these figures. His performance has been marked by his occasional, if optically horrible, tendency to use the no-look pass to teammates who can’t quite keep up or have no idea that it’s coming. His incessant giveaways would seem to diminish the team’s ability to attempt shots on net. But the figures imply otherwise.

His 13.5 relative CORSI is the best on the team for centers, almost double that of Zach Smith. Kyle Turris, game four OT hero and new King of Clutch, is quite a bit worse, almost even at a -1.0. Spezza’s rating is good for third on the team, behind Chris Neil and Chris Phillips, among players who have played in all four playoff games.

It’s also worth noting that Spezza’s faceoff percentages have been great, occasionally touching on the unreal. In game four, he won over 61% of his draws, and in the game three loss he won an incredible 86%. (That was the only game, I should note, in which Spezza played less than 20 minutes.)

Spezza is probably still going to drive you crazy. Each terrible pass seems to wipe from memory all of the little things he’s doing right. But even when he’s overthinking and making open-ice passes to nobody in particular, he’s the underlying engine on this team’s puck possession and shots towards the net. Looking at the team’s mostly even CORSI, you could maybe make the argument that MacLean should depend on a few of his pluggers to put less pressure on his top center. But then the team’s even CORSI might be precisely because MacLean isn’t playing his pluggers quite so much.

If Spezza settles down a bit and starts making smarter plays—starting, I would suggest, by using that nasty shot of his more—he could turn into a force in this series. Having just played in what was his 50th playoff game, you’ve got to think that if he isn’t settled now, he’ll never be. But even if we haven’t seen Spezza’s best yet, he’s been fundamental to the team’s success so far.

Oh, by the way: the only player with consistently better CORSI? Daniel Alfredsson. Get well soon, captain.

Reader polls: the lazy man’s hockey blog post

With so many important games, and most of these games decided by one goal, needless to say we’re in no condition to write anything coherent after most game nights. We’re in a constant state of anxiety, with drinking of both a celebratory and medically necessary nature occurring throughout. So let’s open this up to you, our readers. Help us pick up our own slack.

My question: whose stock is rising the fastest in these playoffs? Whose is falling the fastest?

For example, I was on the fence about bringing Matt Carkner back this offseason. But after his three playoff games I’m ready to give him a letter on his jersey. My skepticism about Kyle Turris has been well documented, but a sick snipe in overtime has a way of chipping away at one’s convictions. Meanwhile, the new baby must be keeping Spezza up at night, because he’s looked awful for long stretches, and Michalek just scored his first goal of the playoffs last night.

WHAT SAY YOU?

P.S. love this clip. You did the team proud last night, Sens fans.