Author Archives: worsteverything

Update Bobby Butler Signs: TSN “Capital Gains” watch carries on with entry #25,001

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Join us for this year long series...

Have you read TSN’s latest bon mots? It’s all the rage in the salons. You’ve done it again TSN. Only this time in reference to our wily step-cousins to the south! Clever girl! Its moments like this that remind me why I dropped out of that Mongolian Chiropody school and started devoting all my time to this blog.

UPDATE: 12:01pm The Ottawa Senators enjoy CAPITAL GAIN by inking forward and amazing namer haver Bobby Butler (pronounced Butlah) to a two year deal. Details to follow on other more detail oriented websites…
http://senators.nhl.com/club/news.htm?id=569316

BREAKING NEWS! TSN.CA USES “CAPITAL GAINS” AS SENS/CAPS RELATED HEADLINE FOR LANDMARK 25,000th TIME!!!

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Digging DEEP!

The Staff at TSN has taken time out of their busy schedule of writing about what Brian Burke dreamt about once to come up with this ABSOLUTE ZINGER of a headline for a record 25, 000th time! CONGRATS ALL OF US! I never thought I would injure my hands from golf clapping but seriously…feels like I have a sunburn as I type this. YOWCH! Oh…just getting a telecopy here from a reader…sorry a little hard to read as it looks like it was written with expired chipotle mayo… I think it says, “Me No Understanding”  Well, gentle reader I’ll explain: By signing this player m’kay, the KAPITAL city (Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, North America, Earth)’s professional hockey organization has GAINED…m’kay, m’kay follow me?…an asset.

Look, as a person who doesn’t understand the pressures of pandering toToronto fans writing DAILY about –Toronto and occasionally the other Canadian teams NHL hockey in the summer for a ravenous, ravenous  readership, I accept I look a bit like a jerk here. I know it’s a bit unfair to pick at the overuse of a terrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrible pun but good gravy I have seen this old grey mare trotted out for virtually every signing the Senators or Washington Capitals have made since the twitternet was invented 2 years ago. Anyway, is it JULY or is it JULY!? Great post, me! Sound off in the comment section about what pun YOU would have used to celebrate the signing of who is it again…let me just cheeeeeeeck tsn.ca/nhl like a jerrrrk …right! What pun would YOU have used to zellerbrate the signing of Mark Parrish to his two way contract? I suppose I will contribute, PARRISH THE THOUGHT OF SIGNING MARK PARRISH OTHER NHL TEAMS! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! (I’m including the “Boom” part in my headline)  

By the way, for all my biting the hand that feeds moaning about the disproportionate amount of stories written about Toronto compared to all of the other Canadian teams put together, I must give credit where credit’s due giving the lead story to the a two way Senators signing that even a bored fan like me doesn’t give a crap about!

In which we, get this, MAKE UP Draft scenarios…and recap all 3 minutes of Senate Reform (name copyright silversevensens.com)

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So, have we been thinking about the draft at all? No, eh? Well I have. Not only have I been doing a lot of thinking I have also been studying all of the IMPORTANT information from the Senate Reform video(s). Jeepers creepers, 3 sort of episodes before the draft, totaling at what I’d imagine is less than half an hour of (internet) television? Oh how you spoil us!

Senate Reform Sidebar:

Did you know that Scotia bank Place in the summer is Scotia bank Place? It’s a fact.
Also, something something scouting teams talk to each other a bit.

Great job, Senate reform videos. Listen, I need to get outta here. I gotta get some kind of job with the Sens. It looks beyond fucking easy. I cant handle it. LOOK AT THIS!!!!!!!!!

Literally rebuilding...

 Can we get a moment of silence for all the drapes that have gone extinct…………..Lord hear our prayer. R.I.P. Drapes. If only the human race could have seen the error of its way and stopped the systematic destruction of drapes there would have been drapes to drape over those FUCKING MILK CRATES WITH MICROPHONES ON THEM THAT ARE IN FULL VIEW.

Since it’s St.Draftmas’ Day Eve Id better make this quick.

So, I will preface this by saying last year’s draft was a real punch in the not knowing how stuff works behind the scenes. The Ottawa Senators trade their pick for SOME DUDE playing in Sweden who’s in the St. Louis Blues system….mmmmm JUST like I’d predicted, right guys? Then we alllllllllllllllll get to enjoy when this so and so wins the Salming award and gets ranked no.1 prospect.
I will also disclose that AT THE TIME of their respective drafts I was bummed out on both the Cowan pick (Great! A guy who just had his knee re-built as a teenager! AND …yes, ill say it, Erik Karlsson (Great! Justin Beiber* on skates!)  In since time I’ve learned that the human body can heal AND sometimes a wee defenseman CAN persevere and learn the true meaning of becoming an All Star in two NHL seasons. OOPS! K, now sit through this:

1. What I’d like to see happen on Draft Day:

As Ive said many times before…what’s that? What I say is completely unmemorable? Okay, well, anyway, as I’ve said many times before I am big believer in hidden gems that no one thinks of til the player just appears out of the awesomework as the awesome player no one really talked about on draft day. Right, Sideshow Jeff Skinner? Are there slam dunk picks that live up to their hype? Nearly every year, yes. A lot of awesome players, albeit fewer, go in the late first/second round too believe it or not. Recently, a little big man named P.K. Subban was taken a whole round after HOTTT up and comer Brian Lee. The NHL’s as of last night MVP Corey Perry was taken 28th overall. So what I’m saying is…given the organization’s recent scouting streak, maybe the best course of action would be to keep all 78 picks that they gave up a lot of beloved established NHLers and Alex Kovalev for and see what emerges from the ether. Take alllllllllllll high risk, high ceiling forwards. See what happens. As for the big numero 6 (thanks AGAIN Jersey!) if they take who they take there it’s likely a damn solid choice . I don’t think that rebuilding as all hell Edmonton Is. Giving. Up. shiiiiiiiiiiiit. I’d like to see  Couturier, Strome, Zibanejad (?), Huberdeau (not likely) or whichever forward is left at 6 get picked. People overdo it/underdo it with the praise and criticism ‘round this time. I think Couturier might be a little bit of Jared Cowan. Mononucleosis serving as a culprit in dropping a good pick’s value. This guy was once viewed as no.1. What I’d like to see is ‘Just take the best guy”…if he’s a forward. Only defensemen I’d like to see taken is Larsson for sure if he were to drop. So what if we have an incredibly banged out young defense? Anyway, in all, we are picking 6th overall…that is pretty awesome.

2. What I’ll likely see on Draft Day:

Sure Murray has indicated he’d like to move up in the draft. That’s nice. I’d like a job farting out 3 short Senate Reform webarfsodes (btw, did they pay Peter Raaymakers for that name?…because he definitely made it up). Im pretty sure every GM has indicated everything, all the time at this point. It’s part of why the job looks incredibly fun/sooo stressful it takes 15 years off of your life. One need not look further than the proposed moves on message boards to show how unwilling even in a rebuild we fans are to make a realistic move to do something like that: “We give Edmonton get this, Kuuuuuba, Leeeeee, and Reeeeeegin and the conditional pick we got for Kovalev AND MacElhinney’s negotiating rights for No. 1 overall! BOOM!” Yeah teams are clamoring for that aging defensemen and promising badly injured Danish forwards who had like 3 goals last season. Oh brother.
This isn’t to say that Murray aint no wheeler-dealer. He deals all the live-long day for better or for worse. I’m just not entirely sure its that kind of draft. Realistically, I could seeMurray standing pat on no.6 and wheeling some other crud (hopefully a package of picks) into another top 15 pick. I just don’t feel it in my bones that something huge will happen. Jersey and Philadelphia are of course the wild ones who have gotten themselves into cap hell. I still think that Kovalchuk contract was such an un-NewJersey move it was completely overcompensating in its un-New Jerseyness.

3. Dream weaving scenario.

Here’s where I get to completely back pedal from everything I said earlier. Alright. I miss Chris Kelly. He was a great player and a good dude. Congrats Christobal Kelly! As much as we all loved Kells I also wont tip toe around how easily he was replaced. The character of Chris Kelly doesn’t grow on trees but he’s nooooooot the rarest player on earth either. What Im saying is that all those trades showed that our guys had pretty good value for what they are but were also replaceable. The sample size is bfjdaskgljr but I think with the cornucopia of Z. Smith, Greening, Condra, infinity, type guys that the team has in the pipe…have the bottom 15 of forwards covered for now. If Murray and co. wanted to go for broke and try to make a big ass jump to the top three or better yet finagle 2 top 10 picks, I say, why the hell not. Its a rebuild try to get a crazy ass player if you think you can without selling the farm. Right, farm? I am pretty high on the Binghamton team right now and I believe those guys will make things interesting in the bottom six for the foreseeable future. It would be my dream scenario if the Sens got 2 top 10 picks. Just don’t give up Karlsson in the process.

*Who hadn’t yet been born at the time

Varada chimes in!

 1) What I’d like to see

My baseline expectation for this year’s draft is that we get one good-to-great top six forward, preferably a center. That’s what the 6th overall pick is for, and I’m hoping Couturier or Strome fall to us at there. Every other pick is in play, as far as I’m concerned.

There are two teams who are in heaps of cap trouble -Philadelphia and New Jersey- and like Chicago before them, there’s an opportunity to pick them clean. A player like Versteeg might be available from Philly (Carter probably is, but that contract is insane), and – dare to dream – I wonder if the RFA rights to Zach Parise can be had from New Jersey. I can’t see how they’ll pay him what he’s worth already having Kovalchuk on the left wing.

Ottawa has lots of 2nd round picks and a farm system full of 3rd liners, so we don’t need the kinds of players 2nd rounders get you. Can some of these picks be packaged for a star player?

2) What I’ll likely see

Drafting is Murray’s strength, and he’s known for savvy if totally unspectacular moves. We might see some picks traded for prospects who are closer to being developed; we might see some moved up and, failing that, moved down for additional picks. I don’t see the 6th pick being moved up because Murray isn’t one to get into bidding wars and other teams have more money, more cap space, and more desperation than the Senators, so they’ll be willing to take back bad salary for a higher pick or good prospect. But the 21st probably gets moved.

All this to say that I won’t be shocked if Murray simply uses his picks to take the best player available at the time, and I won’t be shocked to see him make an enormous but not very risky move.

3) Fantasy scenario

Couturier, once projected as a 1st overall candidate, falls to Ottawa at 6th.

No more than Ottawa’s 21st, two of its 2nd round picks, and a roster player (Foligno; Regin; Wiercioch?) are packaged to get Zach Parise out ofNew Jersey.

Filip Kuba is traded to Florida for a pick to help them reach the cap floor. Any pick will do

Breaking News: Wade Redden Takes Time Out From X-BOX 360 Tournament to Congratulate Former Teammates!

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Extree!!!  But seriously folks Tomas Kaberle should have got the Conn Smythe. It’s too bad such a deserving Stanleycup win will always be marred by this Conn Smythe controversy. Congrats to Tim Thomas, Big Z, Kells, …Shane Hnidy I guess, Mark Recchi on his 76th birthday, Ottawa boys Claude Juilen and Marc Savard who apparently wasn’t even in the fucking building???????  And the rest of the Boston Bruins. Our condolences to the people of Vancouver who are still apparently incredibly pissed about Guns N’ Roses cancelling their concert.

Update!: Actor Christian Bale to portray former NHL player Wade Redden in biopic (see still from film set above).

Update!: Phil Kessel, who is probably taking this really well, to portray one of the garbage pale kids in off broadway stage adaptation of the belovedish film!

 

In which I try to level with you about this coaching thing and end up having to go lie down for a while

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Just pretend that football....is hockey

“It was the was the sdfla;aerg of times, it was the blurst of times. A time for thing and a time for the opposite kind of thing.” – Charles Dickens, 1991.

Hi everybody.

Can we talk? And by talk I mean, you read your computer screen at work or at the library and either nod and mutter “I know right?” OR shake your head and mutter  “This guy is seriously THE WORST.I need to start my own Senators/Foodie/Puppy photo of the day blog and rub it in his stupid, stupid face.”
I want to talk to you about this whole coaching situation.
As a person who works for this blog as their full time prison rehabilitation, daily I read most of the other webpages (2.0!) devoted to our beloved Senators and I gotta say…twixt the writers and commenters…people seem to really have their personal coaching decisions figured out. Which is awesome for them  -Im proud of all of you! I don’t tell you that enough- but what about my needs/dreams? Am I the only one who feels like this is even more of a crap shoot than the draft?
Foremostly (DEFINITELY a word), not to knock peoples takes on why Bry-Bry should select whom from whence and maybe it’s the humidity talking but the more I read on these guys the more I get flustered about the decision.

“We’re all sensitive people/with so much to give/understand me, sugar/since we got to be/let’s have a brief, friendly overview of what people are saying about the candidates and how I feel about that” – Charles Dickens, July 8, 2011

Dave Cameron: Konfession Korner, I was going to start with Kirk Muller but I figured lets get this guy out of the way early. This dude seems to really be in the hate pit among fans, huh? You don’t coach in the WJC gold medal game winning a silver medal for YOUR COUNTRY AND take your OHL team to the Memorial Cup final without making a few enemies! No, I get it; he can’t win the big game, right step-cousins? That’s why they picked Cory Clouston! His pedigree of BIG. GAME. DELIVERY. I always wonder about that criticism: Can’t win the big game. Only one team’s worth of people “win the big game” per tournament/playoff. It’s such a small pool to draft from and for me there are usually still other good people kickin’ around. I don’t think raising the “big game” question is without merit but it’s got all kinds of holes in it. Think about it player wise. You know what gritty forward knows what it takes to work your ass off to win the Stanley cup? ALEX KOVALEV. Should Tim Thomas lose the Stanley Cup final, it could be argued that he can’t win the big game but you know what? I’D BE COOL WITH THAT DUDE PLAYING FOR OTTAWA. Whatever the case, I think Cameron was written off the minute Melnyk endorsed him. Now that The Euge has been banned from conducting boardroom business (getting caught in shady white collar dealings sounds like the SWEETEST deal btw) he can finally focus on being a fucking BILLIONAIRE* full time. He’s also taken on a consulting role in the Sens organization as resident “don’t do what this guy says is a good idea” consultant. Also, what’s up with minor league coaches (OHL at that in this case!), getting a promo after one season of success. We can’t wait 2 seasons up in here? Anyway, this guy is probably a good coach and everybody hates him. I’d be cool with him as an assistant SORRY ASSOCIATE (apologies all around) coach because…I don’t know?

Kirk Cameron Muller: People seem generally high out of their minds on ecstasy over this guy. I can see why, Jaroslav Halak was REALLY REALLY great that one playoff! Whaaaaaaaat? I kid, I kiiiiiiid put down those bleu, blanc et rouge coloured switchblades. Montreal has been pretty decent the last couple of seasons and Muller was apparently a very big part of their turnaround. Okay, cool. Guy Carbonneau was also responsible for a lot of that success as head coach…and everyone hates that guy…Jacques Martin probably deserves most credit. So, clearly, the key here is handsomeness. Paul MacLean is sketchy because the Red Wings are a good organization willing to give a coach away and that’s a red flag…aaaaand…Kirk Muller is the sexy choice because he is coming from a successfullish team willing to part ways with him. Handsomeness. I wouldn’t be pissed at all about Kirk Muller being coach. I’m as smitten as the next Japanese school girl (.com, probably). I am just a little confused as to why he is such a front runner.

Paul MacLean: One essential that fans and pundits alike can agree on is that Paul MacLean is the NHL’s answer to Wilfred Brimley. Otherwise, he is a bit polarizing as apparently the Red Wings are not allowing teams so much as smell the hair of other associate coach Brad McCrimmon but are handing out MacLean’s pager number at the food court exit of the Rideau Centre. Look, I don’t know why that is. I’m not made of knowing about other teams associate coaches. Have you read this article to here? You haven’t? Just skimming…okay well that’s cool its a big internet. Well, moving on, the fact I’ve been plotting and perfecting a plan  for a couple of seasons now to drug and kidnap most of the Red Wings front office, staff and team only for them to awake go about their business in a Scotia Bank Place that I have painstakingly repainted and redecorated to the last detail to look exactly like the inside of Joe Louis arena makes me lean toward this guy. I think it’s an asset that he has spent considerable time being able to lean to the side and say, “What do you think we should do, Coach Mike Babcock?” and then listen to and remember what he said and then record it on his Newton for later. At the same time, I wonder if people are right about that question of “Is it the Detroit TEAM that makes the coaches so good?” Here in a one act play is what I sometimes imaginer it to be like to coach Detroit:

COACHING THE DETROIT RED WINGS

A One Act Tragiromcomedy 2: Back in the Habit

 

Scene: Detriot Red Wings Bench. A timeout has been called before a crucial faceoff in their defensive zone with the game tied up and one minute remaining:

 Coach: “Okay TIME OUT TIME OUT…great hustle out there, brosephines. Huddle up boys here’s the plan. Datsyuk, listen up, here’s what I need from you: Win this clutch face off and get the puck to Zetterberg here, who is amazing. Zetterberg will dish back to impending slam dunk first ballot hall of famer Nicklas Lidstrom. Lidstrom will have no problem retaining the puck under pressure and will make it look easy snapping a beautiful outlet pass back to you at centre ice where you have skated incredibly quickly to. From there just make whatever highlight reel move that comes to your beautiful mind and make whatever team we’re playing’s first pairing defense look like tired children’s clowns who are holding golf putters backwards and wearing skates made of sandpaper. Then continuing at full speed make a blind behind the back pass to a waiting Zetterberg who, ONCE AGAIN,  is also amazing. Meanwhile, Johan Franzen, who once scored 5 goals in one game against the Ottawa Senators**, will set have set up the screen ensuring the goal. Now go out there and be all the unfair NHL ‘98 Choose-Your-Own-Team-team you can be!”

Spoiler Alert: They Win.

FIN

Craig “Mac-TSN” SnackTavish: Another guy by and large in the hate pit with fans. Yes, it is really weird that Mac-T has been part of the TSN Panel for so long. He took a pretty mediocre Edmonton squad through the entire Mighty Western Conference only to lose to the widely, widely beloved North Carolina Hurricanes. Personally, I loved Mac-T as a player. That guy never took a shift off. So…Coaching? Right guys? It’s also pretty cool and frankly undeniable that he helped take Edmonton to the finals. I was intoxicated in Vancouver through most of that run and probably just generally bummed out about the Sens having been eliminated at that point so I missed most of it (I think?). Apparently he is very player oriented and that could be very good asset for this squad …but …I guess the Oilers did only have that one crazy ass season under him and it was with playoff beast/stupid asshole Chris Pronger. Mac-T seems to be viewed most unanimously disliked candidate among fans and writers alike…aside from Cameron I guess. Though, he DID rip the tongue off out of the Flames mascot’s*** mouth during a game…which is so, so good. Apparently Murray is high on this guy.

 Kurt Kleinendorst: Can I get spell check!? This guy’s already done more than enough for the organization. Again, according to reports, another player oriented coach with the added bonus of coming off a huge, huge Calder Cup win with Binghamton (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). The obvious turn off here is Cory Clouston Part 2. Back when Clouston took Bingo to the Calder Cu—oh wait… didn’t make the playoffs with them at all?…nevermind. No, we’ve seen a lot of coaches through these parts since Murray stepped down,  the last three were minor leaguers and the last three of them…not. so. hot. Patience is at an all time low in this regard (Coach is the new Goalie!). Despite this hesitance being not at all unreasonable, I still always think about the Dan Bylsma factor. The extremely likeable, upbeat, positive minded coach that players might really want to win one for. Was Clouston scapegoatted a bit in his dismissal? Kind of. He coached the team back into the playoffs after one year out (sans Heatley…who hated him)…and…seemed completely unknowable while doing it. Clouston seemed … not so flexible on anything but Christ could he dress. If Kleinendorst is the kind of guy that players can feel good about playing for while also being successful then of course I could be game for another spin on the Minor League Coachie-Go-Round. If not, I would LOVE to see this guy as Bingo’s head coach again.

Well, that just about wraps it up. Oh, right…

The Guy who coached The Saint John’s Seadogs this year: Another good coach I’m sure but I’m tired now…and the fact that Pascal LeClaire once played for this team is reason enough to take a pass. OR NOT. I STILL AM NOT SURE.

Okay, I’m to go lay down for a bit and worry about the draft.

*Even in all my 64 years on this labyrinth of a planet, I still cannot believe that even one human being owns over 1 billion gold coins.

**RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Pretty much the low point of the season for me.

***which is a dog with a hat for some reason.

Web Bonus Update!: I forgot about Bob Boughner: For my comprehensive take on Boughner check out this article I just put up  at www.bobboughner.com !

BINGHAMTON SENATORS: Your OFFICIAL Source of Being the 2011 Calder Cup CHAMPIONS!

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BING HAM CLAN AINT NOTHIN TO FUCK WITH BING HAM CLAN AINT NOTHIN TO FUCK WITH

Seriously, you guys, Bing Ham Clan aint nothin’ to fuck with.

Congrats to this spectacular team, to Robin Lehner’s lights out run, Daugavins incredible moustache, and the crazy point totals of numerous players. Finally, to the city Binghamton, New York! Savour this moment you lovers! Rub it in the face of those stupid Shelbyville PUNKS!
We knew you could do it boys!

Get Well Coach Stirling!

 

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The Getting Done of -R-

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Hey sports things happy summer/count down to draft day!

It’s that time of year again where we cheer the Binghamton Senators well into June and hope they can carry on their long dynasty of AHL playoff succee— Oh just received a message from a good friend in an America Online chat room (Shout out to DreamCastShark6969!!) I have open here on my Pentium 2 and it turns out that, to the contrary, it’s a rare condition, this day in age, to see B-Sens playoff coverage on the newspaper page. Huh. Well, I suppose that given the illusiveness of both love AND tradition of the grand design (?) that even the most jaded industry expert would say, that finding Bingo one win away from the Calder Cup even HARDER to find.
If you ask me, there simply MUST be some magic clue, inside these tearful walls (??). Granted, I admit having the easy vantage point of a fan but all I see is a tower of dreams. A tower of dreams with real love bursting. BURSTING OUT OF EVERY SINGLE SEAM. Right? Am I right? Am I right or wrong? Because that’s what playoff hockey is all about. Towers of dreams…Barry Brusting with real love. At all seams.
In nervousness news (that is somehow not about the draft) Jared Cowen has reportedly not suffered a concussion and skated with the team today in Houston. According to not very much research, some people expect him in the lineup tonight against the Eros. That’s right. Houston must be a very Greek and Erotic city to give a sports team a name like that. It may come as no surprise to those who follow the AHL club closely, but Stephane Da Costa IS slated to make his debut attempt at Call of Duty: Black Ops on the second hardest setting tonight. Best of luck! I hope Robert Butler scores the game winning goal tonight and skates over to the bench and signs a very reasonable contract on the back of Kurt Kleinendorst’s plane ticket toOttawa for his head coach interview. GO SENS GO! DO IT FOR COACH STIRLING!! Get well soon coach!

In which the porridge was juuuuuuuuust right!

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Ahhh, one of my favorite images of the whole season! Look, in this work a day world, your mother and I try our absolute hardest to provide for your needs like making posts about the latest hockeysenators news, sort of previewing games and getting you fitted for braces. It’s a rat race out there, look at now. We are working hard in the off season to find something to post EVERY SINGLE DA–…* Anyway, this was initially made for a Shame Day Preview for Chris Kelly’s first game playing for the Beantown Bears. There was a technical error and it didn’t get posted in time. Anyway, it’s really amazing and I’m glad to show this thing off!

*BTW people, can we get some respect up in here for www.silversevensens.com and www.6thsens.com AND www.senstown.com for posting pretty much every day?! We started this blog in the off season in August of last year and it is TOUGH to think about crud to talk about…give those guys some props on their message boards for bringing it!  

 

In which we get HYYYYYPED about Binghamton

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Did the guy who drew the Herman cartoons design this thing?

First, I want to congratulate the other CCFR bloggers for giving me my job back just in time for summer – that’s the season where is rains literally every day right? – So far so good! I’m excited to turn over a new leaf after paying my debt to society for something called, Internet Vagrancy. Before you ask, I had a great time in jail!
Secondly, I want to give my congratulations to the Burgertime Senators for their impressive sweep of the Chubby Checkers last night at Push Broome Moustache Memorial Arena (.com?)  Heyyyy, still got my most annoying writer chops!
OH OH OH and THIRDLY I would like to congratulate Mrs. Lewandowski’s 4th grade class at George Vanier Public School who won the contest to design the B-Sens uniform! Your jersey is going to the Calder Cup! Great job kids, especially, 9 year old student Tyler Beauchemin, the best ‘draw-er’ in the class, who really stepped up both in the designing the logo AND incorporating every single student’s ideas into the jersey! Looks AWESOME- great work on the chin shading and all the other stupid shit all over the place!

So…shit is getting pretty real down in Binghamton now, am I right, you guys? *crickets*

Selfishly aaaaaand unoriginally, one can’t help but examine this success in terms of how it will impact the Ottawa Big Boy Beds next season leading up to the 2012 Mayan apocalypse.
Personally, I think that this whole situation has made training camp delightfully complicated for next season as a few of these gents have raised some eyebrows with their play.
As  a guy who both listened to a couple Bingo games on the radio while exercising AND occasionally watched highlights of their games late at night after getting in from the bar, take it from me, I  KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT. Come, imagineer with me!!!

Ryan Potulny: ehhhhhh what?…This guy….on a mind burgling Kesleresque streak of 25 points in 17 games. He is raising some interesting questions for me right now. Does he have a case of the Bobby Butlers? Largely ineffective in role player mode but let him snipe in the top six and watch the points pile up in bunches? OR is he a Denis Hamel type in training; a beloved AHL star best known in the NHL for getting absolutely pasted by Former McGuire Monster / dumb haircut haver Dion Phannerf on the youtubes?
I think I gave Poutinely an F in my post season report card b.s. but I mean…guy has been a playoff  beast in the AHL! It’s undeniable. What’s a girl to do with this guy come September? Does this pleasant surprise fit into Bry-Bry and the Sens plans at all?

Robin “Big Game Hunter” Lehner. The kid is something like 10 and 2 now with 2 shutouts and made an impressive 42 saves to complete the sweep last night. Carrying on with my theme of Blame Brian Elliot for Everything Last Season, that whole NHL goaltending trial by fire mess that Lehner had to deal with DID in the end have a silver lining. Since the red hot Barry Brust (you can’t MAKE these names up) went down with an injury, Lehner has done a great job of establishing himself in a very short amount of time and if the experience he is garnering right now doesn’t build character I don’t know what does (I don’t actually know as I’m a complete coward).
If Tim Murray has been getting my letters and e-cards, next season will see Lehner as undisputed Bingo #1, Baby Brodeur  as solid backup with Barry Burst of Real Fruit Flavour brought up to the Ottawa Sens backing up Craig Andersfasdl;fkjfasf;ldgs.

Zed Smith. Apparently this guy DOES give quite the crap about making the Senators in a serious ass way next season. A point per game in the post-season, 2 hat tricks(wtf?), a clutch face off win last night to put the Checkers (great bad name or GREATEST bad name? ..srsly, can a team not just be the LIONS or something, ugh…) away for the sweep, 53 shots on goal…guy has been DOMINANT. I am interested to see if Z can continue with this intensity and clutch production if he will work his way up from “The Next Chris Neil” to some sort of Kelly/Fisher hybrid. One way or another, Z. has all but punched his ticket to the bigs. Kudos! Remember giving “kudos” on MySpace? I have a feeling that giving kudos, along with MySpace, are poised to make a HUGE comeback!

UPDATE! 5:30pm 19/05/11: Z. Smith just signed a 2 year one way deal with Ottawa! I’m assuming myspace and kudos are next … theres no time to waste finding out…I should go put 50 bucks on red at the casino RIGHT NOW!

UPDATE! 5:32pm 19/05/11: I just lost 50 bucks at the casino

Bobby “BOBBY BEEEEE BUTLAHHHHH” Butler. I think we can all agree that we are each and every one of us excited to purchase and enjoy our Bobby Butler jerseys once he signs some kind of one way deal. Personally, I feel the team has been doing so well that B-Rock’s continued torrid goal scoring has been a bit of a secondary headline because of the scoring depth the B-Sens have been able to boast. Sure, he’s no Ryan Potulny (am I actually typing this sentence?) but he’s been potting them quietly on the power play and I believe a game winner here or there on this psychedelic AHL journey to the centre of…the…uhhh…something something…moving on…

Kaspars “Can we get this guy a nickname so we can stop saying his full name already?” Daugavins. Seriously, the WEIRDEST name and that’s coming from me, who’s real name is Francisco Flores Woodycook-Van der Vaart (follow me on twitter!). By all accounts…this guy has been kind of an amazing finesse forward for a long time now. I was under the impression that midseason Binghamton was supposed to lose this guy to a loan to some Latvian club (where im sure he would instantly be the best player in that league). Lucky for Bingo that didn’t happen as K.D. (that’s better) has been an essential part of this team’s success. Definitely a guy that, to follow Verada’s thinking, maybe should be given a wee shot at the NHL…c’mon we’re terrible let’s just see what he can do for like 5-10 games. He’s certainly earning a look right now. I’ve heard his two way game needs work…but who’s doesn’t in this work-a-day world?

Helen “Ryan” Kellar. Scored a President’s Choice Dave’s Memories of Alfie OT winner last night to send Bingo to the Calder Cup finals. Judging by his output 22 frigging points in 17 games, he is demonstrating why they made him captain. Like Potulny, I wonder if and where this guy fits into the picture in Ottawa. Does he stay down in the A to provide stable leadership to our apparently awesome farm team or does he get a shot? Not the youngest pup in the world (relative to NHL rookies and not the proud senior citizen writing this) his window of opportunity is fast shrinking. A very impressive season AND playoff for Keller none the less. Good show, chappy! What? Want to fight me for calling you Helen Kellar? Challenge me here on twitter: @francisco_f_woodycook_van_der_vaart

Andre Beniotchio Del Toro. So, with 55 points in 73 games in the regular season and another 14 points in 17 post season games Beniot is apparently a defenseman WITH a plus rating. Uhhh…where was this guy during that 1-0 snoozefest between Bingo and Hamilton at Scotiabank eaelier this season. Roughly the same age as Keller I ask the Seinfeldian question “WhaaaAAaaaaAAaat is the deal with consistent but aging minor league defensemen?” I don’t think the defensive core is as wide open at the big club level as forward and very likely this guy will continue to be a  sturdy depth call up for the O-Sens and an awesome rushing Dman for the B-Sens.

Jared Cowbell. Not bad for a guy who had to spend the year in WHL purgatory thanks to some dumb age restriction. Some attributed Jared’s dominance and jump in production in Spokane in 2010-2011 to his being a man in a boys’ league. Regardless, 4 points in 5 games and not looking out of place getting Chris Pronger minutes on the top pairing in Bingo is a welcome rebuttal. My guess is that this guy is a work horse, (and could the kid honestly look anymore like a hard working young farmhand?) is used to being leaned on heavily and is at his most comfortable getting a ton of minutes. Whatever the case, it’s working. Many fans expect Cowsy (totally predicting that nickname btw) to just walk onto the big club next year. For me, given his age, I think I’d rather just see him be “the guy” Robin Lehner style, on D for the whole year in Binghamton. Very excited about this guy. Especially given Chris Phillips’ recent controversial decision to become one of the worst players on the team.

Okay now that I’ve exhausted the precious little I know about the team I think that juuuust about wraps it up…so if you don’t mind I’ll be getting back to my Mafia Wars ga- *record screeching sound*

Ohhhhhhhhh the other dudes people care about stuff. . .

Corey Locke. So you know a team is doing well when 10 points in 10 games puts you halfway down the scoring chart of forwards! Ive seen some pretty beautiful feeds by him in the highlights. Particularly impressive considering he’s coming off of an injury. Honestly, AHL MVP, what a signing for the B Sens! I’ve said it before, I love the guy, Ive been sharing the laughter and love since he was a star on the 67s but I really think he’s an AHL star and gets paid handsomely to be one. Binghamton needs its own Spezza and I think he’s it.

Patrick Wiercioch. Not to show off but I can spell this guy’s name without looking. Previously considered a prospect of high pedigree, regular season struggles have bumped Patrick down to “long term project” and he has been surpassed on the depth chart by other defensive prospects like Karlsson, Beniot, Kinrade, and Filip Kuba (just kidding im sure Wiercioch absolutely sonned Kuba this year). By all reports, he really started to turn his season around toward the end of the year. Sure he has 1 point in 13 playoff games but I don’t know…coming off injury…it’s a strange beast and  guys aren’t always 100% even though theyre back in the line up. I expect the kid to have a dynamite year in Bingo before the 2012 rapture. Speaking of which, on his player profile he listed his favourite book as the Bible…hey I have absolutely no problem with that …but have you READ that book?…whew..bring a BOOK.

Oh, but what of late season love children Eric Condra and Colin Greening? Was that all just so much pillow talk?
Nah, baby, I swear I was gunna talk about them…right after I got back from the store…

So the popular belief  is that these two have been disappointing considering their production when given a chance in Ottawa in the club’s “late season troop surge.” I don’t know though (no really, you’ve read this far to know that I really actually don’t know) Condra’s 13 points in 17 games and +8 is pretty unfudgewithable. Greening eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh…leaving something to be desired with 3 points in as many games and a -1. Maybe he’s playing more of a checking role and is contributing more off the score sheet. He is a guy with that kind of size to do so but his 46 shots on goal make me think other wise. That or…ONE of the dudes on the team has to do at least kind of bad right? For me it doesn’t change my feeling that both Greening and Condra are both huge question marks going into training camp this coming fall. Since these two seem so have a similar game and what with Zack Smith looking like them on steroids, it will be neck and neck between C and G for the OTHER power forward role…because DAMN Z Smith seems to have that locked down. I guess the edge goes to Super Condra at the moment. Excitement she wrote!

UPDATE! 5:30pm 19/05/11: Colin Greening just signed a 3 year (?) one way (???) deal with Ottawa. I can also confirm that I apparently don’t know shit about shit.

Okay, other than that, Stephane Da Costa has already begun his tanning regimen on a beach in Marseilles and according to his agent he sends the Binghamton Senators “his regards.”

GO BINGHAMTON GO!!!!!!

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