Steve has been making images in Switzerland during the lockout to stay sharp!

My beautiful, beautiful babies. How I’ve missed you.

The season premier! It’s been so long that I’m sure you’ve forgotten how insufferable I am! I’ll bet you’re so excited that you could even read a James Day Preview! Hey everyone it’s Hockey Christmas! Just because there was lots of yelling doesn’t mean that your mommy (Gary Bettman) and your daddy (Donald Fehr) don’t still love your money very much. They’re just going to live in different houses for the next 10 years. Now come take Weird Uncle Eugene’s hand and he’ll treat you to a one dollar popcorn and you’ll pick up the full priced ticket to the greatest show on Earth: A glorified half-season of NHL hockeyyyyy!!!!

Mercifully, our boys start off their season in exotic Winnipeg before several months of playing Buffalo again and again and again and again sets in. So let’s get to it…who are the Jets and how much are they going to cost me in taxes?

More like JUMBO JETS….you…see…what…I…did…there…question mark.

Okay let’s start this off classy. How many Dustin Byfugliens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Give up? He’s overweight! *hold for applause* That’s a real issue though right? We’re kicking off a season where we’re asking people like Martin St. Louis’ Legs if they’re in game shape and meanwhile Big Buff was caught on camera looking like he’d been steady wrecking a Big Buff(et) in the off season.
Now, in fairness, Dusty (that’s what we call him at the Arby’s I used to work at before I got caught eating too many Big Beef and Cheddars) had a few extra months off before training camp. Did he spend them getting trim in the gym or was he working on his guacamole dip backhand? Either way he sure as hell wasn’t playing overseas. Does it matter? He was pretty huge last year and still put up 53 points in 66 games (YIKES). Will Ottawa be made to look like fools when they see what a clapper from the point with 300 lbs behind it looks like?  Or will he be left wheezing behind Erik Condra who’s fresh off a stint in the tier 3 German ELITE league…which according to their website is “definitely not a league an NHL player can go point per game in while drunk.” I’m just playing they don’t have a website. Either way, it may be time to double…no make it triple cover Byfuglien…in a delicious candy coating. I need to stop talking about this. Huh wow, went that whole thing without talking about Kyle Wellwood.

No but seriously are the Winnipeg Jets a thing? Not even trying to be a dick about it.

This team is weird. People either pick them to make the playoffs or finish in the bottom 3. Sure, star power-wise the New York Rangers they are not but there are still some pretty damn good players on this team. I mean on their depth chart Mark Scheifle is a fourth line player. That’s not to be taken lightly.

A bit of an X factor for me with the Jets is the thought of Evander Kane going into the season as a very talented player who might have a chip on his shoulder. I needn’t bore you with the details but his relationship with Winnipeg(‘s press) has been strained to the point that whoever’s the Winnipeg equivalent of Donii Brennan called Kane out for not showing up to camp 3 days early. Sounds like a young guy with scoring touch who might be trying to showcase to other teams what he can do. The rest of these dudes may be a mix of solid NHLers like Andrew Ladd, Blake Wheeler or Bryan Little and dudes I’ve basically barely heard of (Chris Thorburn?) but don’t get me wrong these guys seem to know how to score by committee and boasted 10 players who got goals in the double digits last year. They could sneak up on you. Speaking of which…

LOOK OUT ERIK KARLSSON EVERYONE’S WATCHING YOU ALL OF A SUDDEN!

I don’t know if you caught this amazingly bitchy exchange on TSN ‘tween Aaron Ward and Ray Ferraro about the pressure teams are going to put on Erik Karlsson this season but I’m with Ward on this one. My take is, yes, Erik Karlsson did indeed unexpectedly win the Norris trophy but that was only at the end of the season. At 78 points he had an incredibly consistent year. Are you trying to tell me that halfway through the season any self respecting team held a pre-game video session that failed to mention “oh, and you may want to cover the incredibly fast defenseman who has over 50 points”? EK was a top pairing 1^st unit power play blueliner all season I have no idea why the pressure on him will be any different this year. And don’t try to say they will be harder on him physically DAAAAAD because he’s always been small and what NHL hulk isn’t going to exploit that regardless. C’mon Special Little Guy get in there and keep making the other team look like your biological son.

 Goaltending Non-troversy

Cool, so Craig Anderson gets the start. Get used to it. Guy started over 60 games last year. Baring injury, I don’t expect that to change all that much. I think Bishop will serve as a serious upgrade over Auld and the Sens will use having a backup goalie who can handle getting spot duty to their advantage but with Lehner’s two way contract I don’t see the goalie controversy everyone does. I keep hearing that Lehner is backing up Andy up because they are shopping Bishop. Okay. So, that was fast if true.

On the Jets side I’m just going to say Ondrej Pavelec will get the start as I don’t even know who their other goalie is. Let me look it up..ah, its Al Montoya…so as I said Ondrej Pavelec will get the start. Don’t pull your groins fellas!

Heyyyyyyyyyy one game into the season and I’m already tempted to talk about injuries!

It will be great to see Regin and Latendresse get a clean slate, finally stop answering questions and just play. Seriously, I basically haven’t seen either of these guys play in a really, really long time…segueeeeeeeeeeeeee…its not just about how those guys will shake out it’s about all thems guys. Finally, my friends, the good stuff, the real story of the Ottawa Senators’ season is about to get underway. All of our questions will slowly be answered. Who will surpass expectations, who will be run out of town and who will continue to be overlooked Colin Greening? Let the fun begin and OOH AHH SILFVERBERG SENS GO… did I do that right?

ENJOIX!

Pretend you’re me for a second. Okay, you’re off to a great start. Wow, you are just killing it now…its uncanny…you’re like a regular Daniel Dave Lewis and the News up in here. HEY COME ON NOW I DO NOT WALK LIKE THAT! Okay well, now you’re just hamming it up. Anyway, you’re me and you get an ICQ message from your friend asking “So, what’s your take on game 7?” and all you/I can reply is, “I don’t even know if I have anything to say at this point, all I can do is watch.” 10 minutes later your America Online account (version 3.0, dick) says, “You’ve got mail!” just as you’re about to pop on the VHS of your favourite film, “You’ve Got Mail” in your brand new VHS player. Life has a funny way, huh? You look in your inbox and BOOM Steven drops the above image on your head all, “Here this is for your James Day Preview.” How do I ignore such a glamorous, glamorous piece of visual poetry? I guess I do have stuff to say…
Here we are. You. Me. Stuff. Sort of an important game tonight LETS GOOOOOO…

There’s no hyperbole about it, this is hands down the biggest game of the year for our beloved Ottawa Senators. I am very confident that there are few to zero bandwagon Sens fans this playoffs and you know what? I like that. We were the ones out there getting pissed losing the draft lottery, nerding out at training camp, rolling our eyes at panel after panel’s dismissal of les boys trying to predict when the ‘wheels would fall off”, we sat through the good streaks and the bad streaks, the Karlsson/Spezza point gettingest of times and the concussioniest of times. Its been a memorable journey and now we’re here. This team aint for some other schlub to ignore all season and latch on to in the post season. That’s what Nashville is for. We know that this team has the potential to pull this thing off because we’ve seen their resilience time and again. Peskingly speaking, they’ve been counted out all year, tonight is no exception.

The fulcrum for tonight’s game if you ask me…ASK ME WHAT THE FULCRUM IS…ugh, anyway, the fulcrum for tonight’s game is how Spezza, Alfredsson and Michalek react to their late game benching by Coach MacLean.

We’ve seen that an angry Spezza can be a very dangerous Spezza, like in that game in Winnipeg when he got all Matrix reloaded on that ass. Is the Spezza we’ve seen a bunch of in this series got enough fuel in him to take it up a level? We’ve seen Alfie get in that zoooone when the chips are down for years now so there’s no question there but… I suppose its time to talk about Alfie’s….episode. Okay, a lot gets made of this kind of stuff. Let’s face it, it’s a good story but are we really that surprised when incredibly competitive athletes lose their shit occasionally? It shows competitiveness and desire to win BUT there’s a thin line between being fired up and being off your game. Speaking of which, lest we forget Henrik Lundqvist completely losing his shit AFTER WINNING! Brother’s talkin bout conspiracy. Makes you wonder where his head will be at if the Rags get a few bad calls against them. The Sens top 3 forwards have a chance to make MacLean look like a brilliant tactician here…lets pray they do. Are you finished your prayer? No? … okay, youre good now? Good. Moving on…

Despite the fact that I just talked about the way that Spezz, Alfie and 9MM react to the message MacLean sent them will be the most important element to this game (and I think that the benching ties into what I’m about to talk about) is that they have been far from the deciding factor in this series. If the Sens don’t get a dynamite game out of those three its not like the grinders haven’t been putting in that WORK all series long putting the Sens over the top in their wins. Neil, Foligno and O’Brien have been effective as any star player. A big game from these kind of guys will be just as crucial. Most of all, D men protect Andy and he will deliver! This is the New York Rangers and they are not going to lay down and just let the Sens through. I’m not going to coat it in delicious not chemical at all tasting fructose: A lot has to go right for the Senators tonight if they are going to win.

Lastly, Ottawa Senators, do it for James Day Previews we each and every all of everyone motherfrigging last one of us need more of these. Wow, I am such a jerk.

Okay, well, I have to drum my fingers on my bouncing knees while rocking back and forth for the next few hours.

GO SENS GOOOOOOO ENJOY THE GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!

#YESWEBACONATOR

Hi everybody!

Can I interest any of you in a game of three card monte? Pick the reeeeed get ahead pick the black set ya baaaaack..STEP RIGHT UP. Forever Red?

Ugh…fine. I’m just trying to get some playoff ticket money up in here. That’s right acquaintances another WTYKY EXCLUSIVE you heard it here first, The Ottawa Senators are going to the playoffs! Your old dad’s pretty cool huh? Knowing on the hockeys, eh? Almost as hip as Kevin Spacey’s character in American Beauty. It was cool how he took back his existence by smoking weed and trying to have sex with his daughter’s friend. Creep Dad showed us the true meaning of something something because life is short and plastic bag in the wind and working out.

MOVING ON.

Admittedly, Boston is not the most exciting team that one can face both in terms of playing style AND chances at victory but if you’ve come here for playoff math I’ll say this, this AINT my real job..I come up with reality shows about wedding stuff.

Sidebar: Here’s a show I’m working on in another window right now. Okay, so this couple is getting married right? A-a-a-and they want to have THE PERFECT wedding, right? Okay great, sounds goo—Not so fast…one problem, the bride no likey the dress. WILL TWO LADIES AND A GAY DUDE WHO WORK AT THE DRESS STORE FIND THE RIGHT DRESS FOR HER IN TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME?!?! (spoiler: they doOOOoooOOOOooOOOO)

GAME: Alright so if you havent read Ian Mendes’ article read it but I’ll describe it quickly so you stay on this website: Philips, Spezza and Alfie had a dad meeting with Ultra Dad Paul MacLean, when it was looking shaky that theyd even make it at all…they were probably eating Baconators and came up with a strategy to treat the next stretch of games as a playoff series. Well, “SERIES: ACCOMPLISHED” – G. Bush Jr. They swept it 4-0 if you think about it. Now what happens? Great preview? Have I even talked about anything yet?

It starts tonight against Carolina at the Palladium.

Carolina stinks so that just about wraps it up *dusts hands*
No, Carolina is one of those funny teams that Ottawa can have a hard time with, in fact, theyve dropped 4 of the last 6 matches to ‘Caines (like the kids call em) BUT Ottawa tends to dominate Carolina at home. Ugh, whats a girl to do with all of these facts?

Carolina is not the hottest team but do have their things going for them

Players to watch:

Jeff Skinner: May not be the force he was before missing some time but he’s got the moooves like Jagr.

Tuomo Ruutu: Always a pain in the ass against the Sens.

Eric Staal: Watch out for his size medium head in a size XXL helmet, no seriously, 24G and a -16 rough season for the Olympian…maybe DONT watch out for this guy.

Cam Ward: Could be a difference maker…poor guy having a very solid season on another cruddy Hurricanes team.

For the good guys:

Erik Karlsson: Bro, you’re killing it…can you PLEASE score that one goal to hit 20 and make me look smart? I want to be smart just this once. Thanks. Karls hasnt scored in a while and the Sens could use that cannon of a shot clicking come post season!

Tyle Kurris: Thats right. Colonel Clinch led the Sens last game and I want this kid’s confidence at max going into the post season.

Craig Anderson: Aside from his first game back it would be a coup to see him get a 5^th straight win since returning. Andy has looked great very excited to see him in playoff mode.

Return of the Spezz: After a blessing upon his house by the name of Nichola Spezza, congrats homie, Spezza draws back into the lineup. It would be so glorious to see him to have a multipoint outing just because I want him to get ALL THE POINTS this year. I want him up for the Hart. I think Ottawa’s won one or two games without him. Oh whats that? He already won OUR HEART Trophy (Wammmmmmp waaaaaaawawawwawaaaaaaaaa)

Okay, holy shit the game starts soon I have to change into something more seductive.  You’ve done me a Mitzvah by even reading this.

Full Disclosure: She's never once said that to me.

Hi everyone. What’s happening? What are you up to?,

Me? Nothing much, just thinking about Madagascar. What do you mean the place, the animated movie or the Guns n’ Roses song? Look, if you gotta ask…

___________? Anyway,

A wise woman, a chanteuse, named Mariah Carey once sang-said,

“Youve got me feelin’ emotions
Deeper than I ever dreamed of.
Whoa, oh youve got me feelin’ E-MO-TIONS
Higher than the heavens above”

Emotions, right? So, since it is presumed that we each and every last one of us gathered here on James Day all have two ears and a heart, we can agree that we are feeling us some emotions lately.

Can we explore some of really just my our emotions?
I have spent this NHL season both pleasantly surprised and incredibly proud of the performance of the boys. Rarely do I remember a season so true to the “This is why they have horse racists races” adage for an Ottawa team. We get so wrapped up in off season FA signings, prediction panels *tugs collar*, hype around up and coming talent and general fan base built hope that regardless of who we cheer for we think we have the Season’s end result all but figured out by the time October rolls around.
Without getting bogged down with such details as teams such as the Caps, Sharks and Kings all barely scraping by, Brian Elliot both playing in the NHL and killing it at that, or Columbus trading Jeff Carter for a bag of delicious dream sandwiches, there is only one point to be hammered on endlessly here: The Ottawa Senators did not spend the season in last place.
It’s safe to say that we are used to it at this point in time, perhaps some of us are even a bit over it a little seeing as its late March and the Sens are still firmly in the shit. The wheels so many Nick Kyprioses said were going to fall off never really did. Despite some pretty rough patches it’s actually just been a pleasure to take the season in. I’ve been looking at the good that the Sens have done as a delicious mushroom based gravy on everything and making a conscious effort not to raise my expectations too high.

That is until about last week. *Pause for dramatic effect for 3 and a half minutes*

When the Sens managed to pull into AND maintain a spot in the top 8 I said to myself, “Regardless of what happens, this has been a fun season and the team is rebuilding and it doesnt matter if they make it or not and life is precious and God and the bible on DVD.”
Which I presumed was a well and good philosophy until Washington and Buffalo decided to stop losing. Quick sidebar: Seriously, Ovechkin? Had to wait till now to decide to stop being the most disappointing player in the league? Ugh.
All of a sudden the Sens stopped scoring goals and winning and the teams in the hunt below did the opposite. A reason to feel panic. The season stopped feeling all gravylicious to me. With less than ten games remaining, to see them miss the playoffs and lose out on all that they’ve worked for against the odds would be absolutely heartbreaking. There, I said it. The Sens electric slide into the league’s toughest building for one of their biggest road games of the year. I know all of us in the Sensphere have been saying that for a few weeks but we thought the games would be less important at this point back then. We were drunk on power and 4 Loco.

Welcome back scoring, please do stick around for tea!
So Saturday’s game was another lesson in my upcoming “For Dummies” book, “Dont EVER Bet On Hockey Because You Will Lose All of Your Money, Dummy, For Dummies.” Oh you know how we we’re talking about how Ottawa does so well on HNIC games and how they will score 8 goals against the Pens and break their 15 game winning streak? ITS CALLED BEATING THE SPREAD LIKE WE PREDICTED.
In pure Sens fan fashion, a lot of people pointed to the fact that the Penguins started their backup as the main factor in the Sens victory. YEAH BECAUSE YOU KNOW HOW WE STARTED NHL LEGEND BEN FUCKING BI$HOP AGAINST A TEAM THAT HAS SIDNEY CROSBY AS THEIR THIRD LINE CENTRE! Right. Ugh. Sens win you guys, its okay for that to happen, leave the self loathing for the blue team.
What I’m saying is lighting up a Penguins team that has been pounding everyone lately is truly something to build confidence off of. The Pens dont just give up 8 goals here and there.  That game was especially positive for the 2nd line of Turris-Alfredsson and Foligno who combined for 9 points on the night. Their contribution to the scorecard has to be a rule not an exception if the Sens are to make the post season looking like a team that could surprise. The second line putting up points tonight would be a bigger statement to me than last game.
The game also saw Spezza, Michalek and Greening each tally and all I can say is phewph (sic?). In weird news, Erik Karlsson somehow only got one point in a game made entirely of stretch passes AND finished the night a minus 2. What? If a lot of players broke slumps on Saturday by EK’s standards despite having one assist, he is still in the weeds and needs desperately to make tonight his coming out and smashing faces into a delicious goo party. C’mon little buddy, get that 20th tonight!
I was very happy to see all sorts of goals get scored, breakaways, trash baggers, deflections, highlight reel beauties (Alfie! Alfie! Alfie!) Please Sens, come out shooting again tonight. Shoot Shoot SHOOT YE BASTARRRDS!!!!

Speaking of very promising confidence builders after an understandably shaky but backbreaking game against Montreal, Craig Anderson looked rock solid in relief of the PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NOT BADLY injured Ben Bishop. Damn did he need that game. Imagine how nervous we’d all be for his next start if he hadn’t’?

The Sens have done a lot of winning games they had no business winning and looking like refried dog garbage against teams that they should be flogging like a thing that gets flogged. Now, that said, LISTEN UP SENS AS I KNOW YOURE READING, remember, that that whole thing is just a stupid thing us dummies have been talking about you can go ahead and win ALL KINDS of games for the rest of the season.
Tonight for instance. Youz can beats these guys. SO BEAT EM.

Smooth Jimmy’s Keys to Victory:
– Be better than this game preview
– Score 8 or more goals

Puck drop is scheduled for the drop of the puck. Let’s all hopefully enjoy the game!

Jeez, should we start a new column called “Rant about how I hope the Sens dont blow it and miss the playoffs” so that it doesn’t get confused with a James Day Preview? You decide in the comment seciton, or on twitter @WTYKY THE OOOOTHER COMMENT SECTION!

Hi everybody.

Welcome to March Break 2012 and to a lesser extent welcome to this post previewing tonight’s game. It’s not that you’re not welcome here, it’s more that I just cant promise you the glitz and glamour that is listening to your children scream at their Playstation 360 while you try to watch The View. How are your toaster strudels? Are they good? Good.

Okay, lets start today’s preview with a wee chant shall we?

LAST PLAAAAAAACE, LAST PLACE, LAST PLACE, LAST PLAAAAAAACE, LAST PLAAAAAAAACE LA-HA-ST PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!!!!!!!

If you’re heading to the game at SBP try it out! If you’re attending the game in Montreal tonight…mmmmmmaybe save that one as I don’t want anyone to get murdered at the game. Just kidding, there’s nothing to be afraid of,Montreal fans are perfectly reasonable!

😉 ...relax

..i mean ;( …a bit weird, that.

Okay! Match up you guys…

Okay, the kid keeps giving me reason to harp on this but Erik Karlsson is now 2 bleeping goals away from our once bandied about topic of 20 goals. The Stockholm Slickback continues to surpass expectations. Even when it was becoming evident that EK was going to have a pretty outstanding season, I didn’t think that a point per game clip as being a very real possibility or 20+ goals. Damn! You get the sense that Karlsson might want to reach that milestone as well as he has been putting up multi-goal games of late. Karlsson has a paltry 21 points in his last 13 games STEP IT UP. I kid, I kid because he’s insanely good.

While on the topic of defence, human being Jared Cowen recently experienced a downturn in his play which drew a lot of criticism but he has bounced back of late. Hopefully we get to see some of Cowen’s classic putting players on their asses against Montreal’s relatively diminutive line up of forwards. Cowen is picking the right time of year to get his house back in order as all of the teams in the East’s playoff hunt have decided to not lose.Ottawa’s defence will have to be on their gizzly as Ben Bishop* hasn’t even played 20 NHL games and as such will need some insulation in a hostile environment like the Bell Centre.

Montreal has received some pretty good play from Pernell Karl Subban putting up a solid 4 points in his last three. Veteran Andrei Markov has been quiet since his return (save for getting made to look like Tyler Ennis’ step nephew on an absolutely dynamite goal the other night), the guy basically hasn’t played all season and is very likely still adjusting to the pace of play. That said, should Markov get a little more comfortable he is always a threat. I’m sure you don’t remember but back in the late 1700’s when he last played a full season, but my great great grand pappy Skyler, passed down tales of his domination on the Mount Royal Affluent White Gentlemen’s Ice Cane Club of the New France League.

Meanwhile up front, the Sens have seen some of their colder players snap some streaks recently and that would be greaaaaaaat to see carried oooooon…looooking at youuuuu Colin Greeeeening or Nicholas Foliiiiiiignoooooo… Coming up on this home and home/back to back bull, the boys might want to brace for some of the top end guys to not being able to win every game for them. Lets DO THIS. One more for 30 on the year, Mr. Jason Spezza!

Despite their place in the standings *see above chant* Montreal has enjoyed pretty good production from, Erik Cole, Max Pacioretty, and of late Daniel Day-Har-Nay. Also Rene Bourque is a guy who plays for the team. Which is nice for him.

Carey Price gets le start against Ben Bishop. You know, there was a poll on Team 1200** this morning asking who gentle listener thinks is more up shit’s creek going forward Montreal or Toronto. I gotta say despite their respective places in the standings I think it’s T.O. Why? Carey Price. He’s had his ups and downs…and by downs I mean Habs fans completely throwing him under the bus if he has a bad (preseason) game but Carey Price is a proven NHL no 1. Oh Montreal has plenty holes to fill…actually…WHAT THEY NEED IS A FRENCH COACH SO HE CAN TALK TO THE MEDIA! THAT’S WHAT WINS CHAMPEENSHIPS! No but the seriousness, we Ottawa fans know how hard it is to find a guy who can handle the number 1 job in a Canadian market…Wamptimus Reim and Jonas “The Wampster” Gustavsson are giving off a mild “Back to the drawing board” vibe. Soooooo is this a paragraph about tonight’s goaltending match up orrrr was this an excuse to make Wamp names for the leafs goalies? Make your voice heard in the comments section! Or contribute your own ideas. Anyyyyyfffffffingway, Carey Price is good and Ottawa’s going to break his spirit early. A few quick goals will deflate the building that sometimes cheers for him if he’s playing well. Ben Bishop has those amazing all over the place numbers a goalie can have when they’ve only played a handful of games. You know like how Lehner was undefeated with a GAA of 1.00 for most of the season? Still, B.B. has been holding it down and that’s reflected in his .940 save percentage his last two starts. Hopefully he can extend those stats just a few games longer.

Although the next few games are against divisional opponents who sit lower in the standings this is far from a slam dunk of a stretch if you ask me. Which you didnt and now im mad at you.
First, I find Ottawa has habit of blowing “easy games” this year, second, the schedule is terrible a home and home with a back to back? Short distance but a lot of hockey for a couple of days. If one or a combination of Spezza, Karlsson, or Bishop falters, that could be a lot of missed points for Ottawa at a crucial part of the season and with Boston currently diarrheaing all over themselves, I don’t know if those points have been more valuable this season. Enjoy the game!

*He’s tall. Geez, what else? Oh Paul MacLean has a moustache. I know, what a wooorrrrrrld. What’s next a lady police officer?

** I mostly listen to my Boomerang Original Soundtrack cassette

Bishop jokes, everybody!

Hi everybody. Welcome to this website.

I’m going to start this off with a question. I’m reading this book called Blogging Poorly For Dummies and its says to “Do stuff like that”…wait does that title mean that I’M the dummy that the book is for or that I’m blogging FOR dummies? I guess I’ll just file that under “Mysteries of the Unknown.” Okay, well, I think that just about covers this delightful blog entry, thanks for stopping by…WAIT WHAAAAT?!?! THERE’S A GAME TONIGHT?!?! This book doesn’t say anything about that…LOOKS LIKE IIIIIIIII’M THE DUMMIE(EEE). Oh, Fake ‘For Dummies’ Book I Made Up, you really know how to cut me to the core.

Question: Hey, y’all, is the Senators place in the standings starting to look at little precarious?

I don’t want to be Harvey Blogtrotter and get all panicky on your birthday just because the Sens lost two games in a row, but with the Jets heating up at the right time for them / worst time for Ottawa and trailing the Jets are the Caps the most talented shitty team in the East, I find the Sens 4 point foothold on 7^th place a little shaky at the moment. This week is a very important one points-wise for the Senators as they are facing WTYKY Punching Bag Tampa Bay, the very good but beatable NY Rangers, and WTYKY Punching Bag, Buffalo Sabers. Points done need gotted. Exspecially tonight.

Let’s just get to the big story of the game, shall we:
Tonight’s match up marks the first time the Sens will face Brian Lee since his trade to Tampa features Ben Bishop dans le filet pour Ottawa. Bishop who only has a few games in the NHL so far in his young career will have his work cut out for him against the stupidly hot Steven Hairstyle and Martin St. Louis…and…some other dudes.
I am personally going to look at Bishop’s debut with a clean slate. Even though he only has a couple NHL games under his belt, if anyone followed Robin Lehner’s recent string of starts in Ottawa, you can stop all the pucks in G/D world but if the rest of the team only puts a handful of shots up against the Blackhawks in the entire second period, you cant blame the goalie for every loss. I for one welcome Ben Bishop with a clean NHL sheet. Actually, I might be tempted to cherry pick the fact that since coming over from Binghamton, Bishop has stopped a crazy amount of the basically unacceptable number of shots that that team gives up. Then again, the NHL the AHL, it t’aint. Very excited to take in the mind numbing amount of references to Bishops size by Dean Brown and Denis Potvin… I mean, his Ottawa Senators debut tonight. Oy, they are going to talk about how that guy is tall a lot. WTYKY Game File Brought to you in part by Pizza: Ben Bishop is fucking TALL OR WHATEVER….God. Someone gets the start forTampa tonight (BOOK IT).

No but seriously, ladies and gentlemen, something something Brian Lee:
I don’t know about you Eddy, but I was happy to see Brian Lee get a shot at a club that might give him a full time job. It was not Lee’s choice to be picked in the top ten overall but it was definitely his burden to live up to the lofty expectations of a top ten pick to fans and management. Amen to THAT, right Jack Skille?. Lee was likely never going to fully escape the dark cloud over his head in Ottawa but commendably he was a good solider working hard to bulk up change his game to suit the needs of the Sens and did not act like the baby many others would have after being benched for dozens and dozens of games at a time. Now hopefully he’ll find a nice niche in an organization rife with underachievement inTampa.Ottawa’s acquisition in the Lee trade, Matt Gilroy, looks to avenge his tan’s death in his return toTampa.

Game Crud:
Kidding momentarily aside, Lee, like Tampa, has been hot lately with two points in his last two and the team winners of their last four straight. That’s good for an 8 point jump in the East resting them one point behind the Capitals (who btw stink this year). Not too shabby. HEYYYYYYYY speaking of points, you know who hasn’t been putting those up? Most of the Sens lately!  Rare (though brief) cold snaps from Spezza, Karlsson and Alfie have been big contributing factors in the past two losses but they cant do everything. Which is exactly what they were looking like they were trying to do on the slush against the Panthers…which was just a terrible, terrible game to watch.

Hot Christmas, does anyone want to see Kyle Turris score an MFing goal up in here? I love the kid’s spirit. He works very hard with noticeable second and sometimes third efforts to create opportunities, has been using his  dynamite shot and CANT PUT THE PUCK IN THE NET LATELY. This isn’t so much calling him out as sayin’ Oh, Saint Swithun patron saint of missing high and wide, if you’re OBVIOUSLY reading this, give this kid a little puck luck.  Speaking of deserving some recognition, I was very impressed by the debut of Rob Klinkhammer. He was all over the slush in against Florida hitting people left and right, getting a couple of shots nearly tipping in Jared Seinfeld’s goal and finished the game with a +1 in a losing effort. The Sens will need a complete effort tonight to get back on track. And THAT last sentence is why WTYKY was not invited to that Blogger thing at Scotiabank place! Well…that and all the swears.

A very, very wise woman once described Ovi to me as "Handsome Shrek"

Hey there, Hi there, Ho there! Still reading? Great. Welcome to this blog post. I’m your host, me.
There’s a whole world of pastabilities brewing up going into tonight’s match, let’s why not chat about them. One team looks to carry on their surprising run and gain a better foothold on the top 8 in the East while the other tries curtail their surprising run of being what might be the most underachieving team in the NHL. Try to guess which is which!
Now, don’t get me wrong here, 10th in the East (with games in hand I might add) is not a terrible place to be a little past the halfway point, IF YOURE NOT THE WASHINGTON CAPITALS. This is hockey, a lot can happen in the next couple months but God, you guys. It was not long ago when George McFee was being heralded as the supreme kommander of offseason signings turning his powerhouse team into a serious, serious contender. I know I can rag a lot on Washington this season but as a fan of a team that saw some perennial contender, scoring dynamo years I can’t help but think to myself, “Hey Caps, you might want to make it a little deeper in the G/D playoffs right quick as that mighty lineup you have there, t’aint gunna last forever.”
Especially with sluggabeds like future KHL Superstar Alex Semin in the lineup -Heyyy, ever hear the one about the guy who makes almost 7MM on a stacked team and has 3 more points than Nick Foligno? No? It’s a really good great one. Okay, a thing I like to do sometimes when I think about other teams (technical term is Imagineering but I’m not going to hold you over the coals for it…THIS time) is I take their entire roster and put them in Sens uniforms and say, “Hey, how are we feeling about your Fake Ottawa Senators?” Hot holy Moses Malone, I think this is the lineup vs performance I’d be most frustrated with. Anaheim a close second for those keeping score (score = Voodoo dolls of me with many, many pins in its face) at home. You take that line 2010-2011 lineup in Washington and add to it Joel Ward, Roman Hamrlik – call him old all you want but bro has all the experience in the world and is playing about 20 minutes a night. Add to that (and you have you knew this was coming) off season prize Tomas Vokoun and this is what you get? Coach firings, sitting below the Jets WHO I NEED NOT REMIND YOU ARE THE ATLANTA THRASHERS WITH A DIFFERENT NAME in the standings, and blowouts at the hands of teams like the Hurricanes? As a fan I would be…I would be…making angry blog posts and tweets! That oughta right the ship!
Anyway, I know the Caps have dealt with some injuries this season but if you consider just one season ago, their best comparable was Pittsbarf the injury thing only kind of shines more of a light on the season they are having.

So, now that I’ve talked a serious gang of shit, let’s move on to our beloved Senators. The Sens have really found their legs again after quite the slide. Seems like that was a long time ago now eh? It wasn’t but with three straight decisive wins, onward and upward. Aside from that drubbing that they handed to Florida, I have a feeling that tonight’s matchup against the Capitals will be their biggest challenge in a while. They are facing an opponent with a ton of excellent players who just suffered a public depantsing and there is a good chance they could come out of the gate guns a blazing. Expect a heap of shots in the first period. That said, the Sens ain’t exactly a bunch of lay about Skylars of late.
Let’s get right to him, Erik Karlsson was in full beast mode on Long Island only fanning the flames of hype surrounding him. 5 points in his last 2 games yo. FIVE. What I loved about Karlsson’s game against the Islanders was that he wasn’t necessarily trying to do the fanciest thing on earth but was rather throwing the kitchen sink at the opposition (a thin, thin line to tread but can take a team out early if done properly by the right player). This style of play can characterize Jason Spezza at his best. It says I can burn you in many different ways and I think I will. Speaking of Jason Spezza at his best, Jason Spezza is currently at his best. Well on his way to eclipsing his career best of 34 goals, perhaps if Spezz can keep these multi point games humming he can get back into the 90 point range. We needn’t spend much time talking about those dudes though…
Now, this isnt a criticism of his play lately, as I think he’s been really working but man, who else would like to see Turris put one up tonight? He’s been great in both zones, in the faceoff circle, hitting posts, etc. All he needs is to do is get a sweet goal and hopefully heat himself up for the homestretch. Ottawa’s gunna need him.
On a related note, despite his fantastic hustle and 1st NHL goal, will Ottawa need Jim “Giv’r Deaner, DEANER” O’Brien come September training camp? Look, I’m happy Jim has finally cracked the line up after years of trying, call it Dogman style. Sidenote: Dogman was awesome last game! The thing working against J.O.B. is that he needs to light it F up but quick while he’s still got a clear opportunity on the roster as he will be in tough come training camp. There’s the obvious kids that come to mind like Zibanejad and Silferberg who’ll be ready to bite someone’s arm off for a spot but don’t forget that Jesse Winchester  and (let’s not be complete assholes and completely count out) Peter Regin wanting their jobs back. That’s not even considering any dark horse shit happening. Take a look at last years picks like Stefan Noesen (65pts in 52) and Shane Prince proving he has fully graduated from the OHL at 77pts in 48…how team USA didnt put that kid on their team…I’ll never know. Indulge me one further and consider the solid years his Binghamton teammates such as Andre Petersson, Rob Klinkhammer, Mike Hoffman, Pat Canonne, and Stephan Da Costa (lest we forget) are having…The Sens are looking like they have some good problems on their hands at camp. Light it up for WTYKY, Jimmy!

Well, I done took up enough time sort of talking about the game. This would be a huge two points for Les Boys. Full two points. Dont let these swine get that mercy point!

Anderson is in against Vokoun, apparently Ovi is a game time decision! OOOO La LAA!

Enjoy the game! (Puck drrrrrrroOOOOP is at 7 not 7:30)

Happy Love Day, Sens friends!
Don’t just sit there drinking your Chef Lonelyheart’s Soup for One cold straight out of the can while wiping away tears away with old issues of Mademoiselle that you took out of your neighbor’s recycling bin! NO, JOIN US, on this game previewdventure! Okay, so Love Day finds our Senators in the Fort Lauderdale area (what am I made of looking at a map of Florida in another window to see if Fort Lauderdale and Tampa Bay are even remotely close to each other?) to take on the I’m just going to lay it on the table, incredibly disappointing Tampa Bay Lightning. What? They are. That is a good team on paper that stinks right there.

I personally think that the hockey world was little quick to hand genius medallions to Guy Boucher and IM GOING TO SAY IT Steve Yzerman. Sometimes I wonder, what did Yzerman do to win all that praise so fast besides be an incredible, incredible hockey player in his day? He put together a gold medal winning Olympic hockey team. Which definitely earns a “THX BRO!” but it does come with a “I played NHL 98 too and can put together a pretty good all star team myself” asterisk. GMing an NHL team with a cap looks way harder. What else? He resigned Steve Stamkos? What is this, the 36^th annual DOI OBVIOUSLY DO THAT AWARDS (AKA The DOIBVIES) Am I player hating too hard? I don’t know. Let’s move on to Guy Boucher. This guy who was in the Jack Adams discussion last year when he took the most boring thing about hockey, the trap system, to new and more boring heights. Congratulations about that. Oh…and he has had his system completely exposed since a trip to the conference finals. This exposé has already lead to a lot of discussion of Guy Boucher getting fired. That was fast. Mind you it would be awesome if he did get fired because then our divisional rivals in Montreal would be forced to hire him thanks to his name being Guy Boucher because media scrums and life is precious and God and The Bible. Oh brother.
Now, just because Im hatehatehating all up in this place, doesn’t mean the Sens are assured a win. No, no, no, like I said, this team is perplexing in its mediocrity. I’m not saying they are Vancouver Canucks deep but you cant keep a team with some of those names on it above 5 hundo? And its not like they are on some “they’re good but they don’t have any chemistry together” that’s typically reserved for the NY Rangers, this is a team that nearly went to the cup final last year. Seems like the more we know the less we know with this here caper. One thing I do know is that when you have Old Man Dwayne Rollerblades as your starter in net with Mathieu Garon, a goaltender who’s never been able to acquire a starting role backing up the 42 year old guy, nothing could possibly go wrong.

What does this all mean?

I like posting.

Oh, also, though I keep making mention that Tampa Bay has a better team than they show in the standings, they are by no means elite, but simply better than they appear. As I said there are some NAMES on this roster but if you look beyond your Stamkoseses,St.Louisi and LesCavaliers (I believe those are all proper pluralisations) their forwards’ output drops off to Kaspars Daugavins-like numbers. IfOttawacan shut down the top guys (easy right? Just you know, stop Stamkos from being able to score every single game and stop Martin St. Louis from being one of the fastest, most hardworking forwards in the league, you have to like their chances.

Speaking of big names scoring goals…

The last few games Ottawahas played you see goals coming from Alfredsson, Spezza, Phillips (!?), Karlsson, Michalek. Awesome, awesome work guys. Take a knee, play with your game gears for a bit while I talk to the others…Okay, so, the rest of you guys, if you could ALSO score a goal or three, the Senators would be winning a lot more games. Look at that Edmontongame, twasnt a blow out could have been different if the go-to guys weren’t leaned on so hard. Secondary scoring is likely what the Sens are going to have to depend on if they want to have a second half of the season even remotely close to as successful as the first. Tonight is no exception.

Greg Anderchuck starts in net for Ottawa while Mathieu (French for Matthew..the language of love, hon, hon, hon) Garon gets the nod for Tampa.

Enjoy the game!…because the next one aint on TV Considering today is Love Day (aka North American Dinner and a Movie night), you’d think they’d cut their losses and black this game out and broadcast the Florida one…oh well, I guess that’s why I get paid the BIGGEST bucks to write these posts.

Anyway, Love you.