Author Archives: worsteverything

Live from Armchair! James Issues 2010-2011 Report Cards

Posted on by
7
Chris Phillips Does Bang on Impersonation of Me Watching Many 2010-2011 Season Games
Playah Grade Should the Sens give them a lifetime deal with eleventy billion no trade clauses instead of a buy one get one half off dog garbage milkshake coupon? (valid only on St. Swiven’s day at participating Dumpo Hut locations)  OR  General Comments
Jason Spezza A+ Though I am confident that some people will be forever angry face about him (You don’t perform at an over a point a game clip without making a few enemies?), I don’t know what more could have been asked of Spezza that he didn’t deliver on this year. I actually feel like a lot of the defending I’ve done of him (see above) was finally validated this year/end of last year. Think of the typical criticisms of him:

  1. Needs a scoring winger to be effective (now leads team in scoring without even the likes of a healthy Alfredsson, praise be his name, for a huge portion of the season.)
  2. Does not play a two way game (now plays on the Sens very, very hot PK)
  3. Too immature to lead (bounced back from a rough offseason of drama only to emerge as leading candidate for next captain – and no more giggling in interviews though I kind of miss that.) 

For me, Spezza was the team’s clear cut mvp this season. He may always be a little on the injury prone/apple turnover side but the future looks bright for Spezza especially if a steady finisher emerges on his wing. He earned that “A” on his uniform this year. Might eventually be a “C” should he keep it up!

Erik Karlsson A- The kid overcame some challenges this year including being made a healthy scratch a couple of times as well as the ever taxing situation of playing a long run of defense in front of plus rating widow maker, Brian Elliot. Though I absolutely acknowledge Karlsson did not have the grandest defensive season, I bumped this kid up to an A- from an initial B+ for making/not being picked last for the All Star team and saving the team some much needed face at one of the darkest points of the season. Thanks little buddy! Still laughing at that Ovechkin taking a photo of Kessel thing…good… times. Anyway, I think that whole …you know…sophomore defenseman leading the team in scoring for A WHILE / AT ANY POINT might have woken up (exposed) a couple of the sleepy time forwards late in the season. Can’t be denied that he was team leader in ice time but DID get nicked by Jim O’Brien for funniest hair award. Always next year, slick.
Nick Foligno C One of the hardest players for me to assign a grade to. Remember how excited this guy got everyone during training camp, myself included? I should compile some clips of those days for youtube and title it MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS. It was painful to watch Foligno slump for essentially 3 quarters of the season especially after signing that contract over the summer. I can’t, on the other hand, ignore how he bounced back (which is starting to be revealed as apparently quite important to me) and quietly climbed up the scoring table. Still quite young, maybe Foligno is a late bloomer. Both time and patience are fast running out to live up to that moniker though. If this season was supposed to be crucial to Nicky’s development, next season will certainly be vital to marking his entire identity as a player moving forward in his career.
Daniel Alfredsson A Can we not just win one for the Gipper? C’mon guys the Gipper’s doing his goddamnedest out there. You could tell Alfie was hurt pretty much all season yet still lead the team in scoring for huge portions of it; even after being put on the IR (Ended up 5th just 2 pts behind Michalek with 13 fewer games played, gelp!). Get well soon / never retire well soon.  
Milan Michalek B- Still alive! Sure he can’t drink or dance or swear but boy can this guy skate considering he has the knees of C3P0 in that part of Star Wars when he was in that robot scrap pile. Edward Swaggerhands this guy is not, but as hard a time as he’s given for that, guy produces more than many of his teammates. Keep doin what youre doin white boy and seriously, stay well soon! I wonder if we’ll ever get to see what a seldom interrupted, 70+ game season would look like from this guy.
Sergei Gonchar D As much as I don’t hate Goncheezy (rap name) at all, I have to say this was a near fail of a season considering the very realistic expectations put on this guy. Sure it was his first season on the team (but he has played 100000000 games by now so you know, c’mon guy) AND he had the added challenge of playing in front of Elliot (how I wish I could give YOU barf out of ten, Elliot) He pretty much got sonned by the very player he was supposed to be mentoring. Considering this was a guy who had me shaking in my orange open toed imitation Crocs when the Sens would play the Pens (and that team has Crosby AND Malkin), I expected way more from The Gonch©. Hope he GETS WELL SOON (theme) and has a better or not career worst season next year (theme). He was playing much better, almost KARLSSON better, at the end of the season, btw (theme). 
Ryan Shannon C+/B- Jason York made a good point about this guy: Shannon is currently in the unenviable position of being a  bit of a Tween. In that he appears to be a 13 year old and is one of those in between roles guys. Sort of your latter day Antoine “Tron” Vermette. Seems to have the hands and speed of a top six guy but can’t seem to produce enough offense so is continually bumped down to bottom 6 as a result. *Snarky Political Attack Ad Voice* C’mon, Ryan what kind of player are you REALLY? (paid for by the friends of the CCFR). I  have absolutely loved this guy’s hustle. One of the teams most consistent workers but has been given plenty of shots by Clouston over the past couple of years and can rarely capitalize. In fairness, he is only given about 10-12 mins of ice time per game to light it up but if he doesn’t define his game quickly he may, like Vermette, find himself banished to a line with Rick Nash…wait…
Peter Regin Jensen D D is for Danish and that ain’t good enough for me. Hey! The Ottawa sun just offered me a job via ICQ! Back in September of 2010, I predicted this guy to score 20 goals (Must. Manage. Expectations.) but I knew realistically was that number could easily be between 10 and 15. What I also realistically expected was for Regin to score SOME GOALS. Sure he was finding chemistry with the ghost of Alex Kovalev but that’s about as useless as Alex Kovalev saying he found chemistry with someone. Unlike almost everyone else on the team, that 3 goal total does not constitute a late season surge. It’s not like he wasn’t trying out there (THAT was Kovy’s dept.) but a near failure of a season for the promisingish Dane. Get well(er at scoring) soon!
Chris Neil B- Chris Neil, according to askjeeves, is a human man who fights, raises the roof, chirps endlessly and scores about 10 goals per year. All told, Neil more or less did his job. He gets paid a lot to do it but when you see him make the top 5 of any list of pests and agitators it’s a feather in his cap. His role seems extraneous when the Sens fail to make the playoffs but I get the impression he’s a good locker room guy that keeps egos in check which is important with a lot of young players joining the team who will likely be getting tons of minutes. A guy with underrated skill, I would LOVE to see him score more than 10 goals again…his 6 this year are quite disappointing for his price tag.  If his numbers continue to drop, Z. Smith appears to be on the creep-creep for Neiler’s job. On the plus side, he DID punch Steve Downie’s lights out so that alone keeps him in the B range. *Pours out 40 oz. for Dean McAmmond*
Bobby Butler A- So yeah, Butlaaaahhhhh’s -19 in 33 games leaves sooooomething (truckloads) to be desired but I honestly give him an A rating for simply being one of the few guys on the team that actually stepped up and delivered on even a fraction of their hype this year. I saw him play for Binghamton and he was hands down their best player. I was excited then and still am now. After a slow start on the bottom 6, when given a shot on the top line Bobby B actually capitalized on the opportunity afforded him. Great year in Binghamton and a very solid platform to build off in the bigs. PLEASE DON’T BECOME THE NEW PETER REGIN (Jensen)!!!
Filip Kuba K- Price tag – Performance + Redundant role = My least favorite player on the team. I get the impression Melnyk is now telling Murray, “Bro’yan, I’m all buy-outted out…as a billionaire I kind of hate giving away millions upon millions of dollars all the time. Unless of course if it’s spent on a lovable aging Russian free agent!” But please, Eugey, baby, just this one more buy out. With a log jam at defense for 2011-12, I cant see a rookie/ David Hale / empty space doing worse than Kuba Badding Jr. Kuba was acquired when the club was desperate for a PMD now they have a glut young cheap ones and the overpriced marshmallow has got to find a new home. I mean, shit, even Lee has adjusted his game accordingly.  
Colin Greening B+ Let’s hear it for the 7th round guys! Seriously, he could be the 2011 version of Rudy! Though, unlike Rudy, he actually deserved to make the team! Sorry Ryan Shannon, you look the part but already have a Stanley Cup. Again, I’m managing expectations here but love seeing a guy capitalizing on the (long ass) shot he’s been given. Multi point games are also something hard to scoff at. A training camp favorite next season and a potential steal for the Sens. How can you not root for a Newfie? According to this science textbook it’s impossible.
Jessie Winchester B-? Kind of a weird season for Uncle Hessie. He did his job pretty well and during some of the darkest points of the year was probably the hardest working Senator. Still not as effective at the dot as I’m used to and his point totals are maybe a touch lacking even for a fourth liner. Winnie Cooper (anyone get that reference? wtvr) was plagued with a knee injury this season and I’m betting that had to do with a bit of a downturn in his game. I have the song “Jessie’s Girl” in my head right now and guess what, now you do too! You’re welcome.
Erik Condra B+ The OTHER Colin Greening. Anyway, like Greening, Condra was a pleasant surprise. Again, the sample size is incredibly small but, you know, he has definitely had some impressive showings. Another member of the 7th round pick club, if Condra can keep it up, he will show that the quantity of picks in a draft class can sometimes be as important as their position.  Man, I hope this guy marries someone named Anna.
Chris Phillips F+ I think that the whole resigning for 3 years thing sealed the disappointing feelings on a very sour season for Sens fans. I am remaining optimistic that this was somehow just a uhhh…flukey???  worst season of his career? We have been watching this guy his whole career and know what he’s capable of: Putting the brakes on the best players the league has to offer. Last season he did just that, WITH Volchenkov but never the less, I thought he was the team’s most underrated player back then. This year, whew boy, he’s reached Kubinian levels of hard to watchness. As a guy who insisted he be part of the rebuild, it is absolutely essential that this guy bounce back in a big way lest he become the new fanbase punching bag while potentially getting sonned by 15 year old Jared Cowan (Karlsson/Gonchar style).
Marek Svatos C Look, level with me here, heyyy you’re at work, you’re getting to read all kinds of stuff about the Sens, I’m happy to write it, you’re happyish to read it, eeeeverybody’s happyyyy…but I’ve got very little to say about this dude except, get well soon. People were saying he was coming into his own down the stretch, so, there’s… that? I don’t know, like the kid in the class that I don’t remember much about, I give him an even-Steven.  
Zack Smith C It’s a bit tough to know what is realistic to expect from Z. Smith as of yet but I think it’s safe to assume bottom 6 is his career path. Even still, if his aim is to be “the next Chris Neil”, he’d better put up a few more points seeing as he’s had about as much time on ice as Neil and has half as many points, which ain’t much to begin with. He’s well ahead of the curve in the taking bad penalties department though.
Matt Carkner B Pretty impressive that despite playing defense for the Ottawa Senators for 50 games, Carkner boasts an even plus/minus rating! A pretty short/quiet year for Carks. Did pretty well in the octagon and was for most of the season more reliable than Chris Phillips (whom Carkner trails in scoring by 1 point despite playing 30 fewer games. Man, Phillips SUCKED this year). The biggest downside for the Winchester, Ontario native is an unfortunate late season knee injury that required surgery. His job may be in a spot of trouble given the stiff competition on D showing up at training camp in September. Get well soo–you get it. 
David Hale C+ Bro and steady…this journeyman provided an early season steadying presence on the back end but ultimately was Binghamton bound. Will likely journey on next season but I’d be glad to have him back in the organization. He’s a great depth player and I wish him well.
Brian Lee B- Miramax pictures presents, from the miiiiind of Robert Zemeckis comes….Brian Lee: Shut Down D, The Say Whaaaaaat Story. Seriously, good on ol’ young B. Lee. Considering everyone was haaaaaaating this guy since signing his one way contract or since whenever. Lee worked hard, bulked up and redefined his game to emerge as a gritty shut down defender. I think Lee may have found a place on the squad as the Jessie Winchester of defense. I liked his attitude of using his 30 game benching as motivation to put in that work and find a place for himself. You, know, though, Bri-Bri, just because you’ve abandoned your rushing D ways…don’t uhhh be afraid to put up more than 3 assists total.   
Patrick Wiercioch B- Well, it has just been a whirrrrrrrrrl of wind hasn’t it? This is where the players are going to get a little harder to properly rate given the tiny sample. I cant knock the kid for putting up Brian Lee-like numbers but in 40 fewer games. I remember him getting an assist in his first game and then being in the highlights for getting absolutely wallpapered in the next game. Nothing too flashy but held his own in the bigs. Eat some steaks over the summer homie, the future looks good.
Andre Benoit ?+ See: Marek Svatos/ The cutting of some slack.
Corey Locke C+ OTT/ A+ Bingo I want to start this off by saying I am IN FAVOUR of this guy. Youngin’ brought me out of my seat numerous times at the 67s games of yore. But I don’t think you become a top AHL guy for years and not make the NHL for a reason. I loved seeing him finally get his first NHL point but I want to see this guy become the new Denis Hamel for the Binghamton squad. Keep the B Sens steady, feed the up and comers great passes and be a cornerstone of building a culture of confidence and winning in the AHL. An MVP season down in NY, congrats!  
Derek Smith C Some of these guys had a very limited audition due the dark nature of this season. D Smith was one of them. Derek Smith is a human man who enjoys hockey and likely fishing/golf.
Francis Lessard D- Look, this guy’s 1998 thesis on the impact of Ulysses on the architecture of contemporary storytelling is indisputable. In.Dis.Putable. But I mean, who are we kidding? He for sure ranks among the top sporting/literary thinkers and orators of the past few generations (arguably of all time) but to think he will be part of the defensive corps next season is as crazy as entering a debate with him over the relevance  of Herodotus.  No matter what side you take he will emerge the victor. Also, hitting Tom Pyatt from behind into the boards in the second last game of the year? As unsportsmanlike as it comes. Stick to academics.
Ryan Potulny F You weren’t going to get a shot at more minutes in the NHL than on the 2010-2011 Ottawa Senators. I am not sure of this guys’ contract situation but will likely have to light up the AHL to get back into the dance. I give him an F because he had similar opportunity as Condra and Greening but ended up putting himself on the invisible bus to Bingo.  
Roman Wick C Hasn’t this guy been Ottawa’s property for like…years now? This guy has potential for sure. We saw it with his standout performance on team Suisse at the 2010 Brolympic games…which now that I think about it might be like being the best dancer on a dance floor full of white dads…but anyway, there were a few guys that made the most of their opportunities this yeah and if they can translate that into consistency next season, Wick could find himself an injury call up for yet another season.
Jim O’Brien C+ This guy’s hair is the BEST.
Stephane Da Costa N/A So, we saw a woman wearing an AUTOGRAPHED Da Costa jersey at the game Vs. Philly  on April 5th (one of two Da Costa jerseys on the night). I hope it was his mom, because dude had played like maybe 8 minutes for the Sens at that point. Since Clouston was fighting his job when Da Costa was brought on, he used the rookie sparingly to say the least. I feel it unfair to assign a grade to a guy who played small parts of the last 4 games of the season. I, like most, are cautiously excited to get a better look at the kid. Will probably start the year on Locke’s wing.
Craig Anderson A Okay, so there’s a lot of chirping about “oOOooooOOoo, Anderson is NOT going to be the answer for Ottawa.” But that’s okay, baby cousin, you know why? I am not even looking for that with Andy. After two seasons of Elliot and a pile of wet rags, I am looking for him to be the ALRIGHTswer. I am certain that this guy will always have critics. Not much room for error when it comes to being a goalie. If homie wins more games than he loses, rock a GAA anywhere in the two’s and a save percentage anywhere in the 9’s in 2011-2012 I will be more than happy. That is of course if and when I can get confirmation that the Elliot for Anderson, straight up, trade ACTUALLY HAPPENED. Got to see him play once live and it was funny as Verada and I would watch with the slumped shoulders a 2010-11 Sens fan when the Flyers were taking second and third whacks at rebounds. To our astonishment, Anderson could keep the puck out of the net! It was crazy to see such…competent NHL level goaltending. Also, 50 save OT/Shootout victory over the loafs in Toronto on a Saturday night on CBC? That alone earned you an A.
Curtis McElhinney C+ K, for reals though, this guy has such a kick-buns mask. I personally think that Barry Burst of Delicious Real Fruit Flavor has earned a call up to the bigggz after a stellar season in Binghamtoad. If it were up to me (im working on it) I would like to say happy trails to C-Mac, up Barry B. to the Ottawa Sens bench, and rock a Lehner-Brodeur tandem in Bingo. So what I’m saying is…good luck in future endeavors, playboy.
Pascal Leclaire F infinity Can you believe that we had a team with Pascal Leclaire AND Jonathan Cheechoo on it at the same time? I wonder if the Sens have hired a Priest to perform exorcisms on Scotia Bank Place over the summer. Whew boy, The Ballad of Pascal Leclaire. Probably my least favorite move (next to not re-upping Volchy Bear) was the signing of a very, very injured Pascal Leclaire. There was dreamy optimism to be found in the guy’s pedigree and man did we see flashes of what could have been. And by Flash I mean, to cherry pick from Webster’s dictionary,

 

“Flash, 6: To change suddenly or violently into vapor”

Or

“Flash, 8.4b: To coat as glass with a thin layer (as of metal or a differently coloured glass)”

 

Webster you so cray-zay! Is anyone still reading at this point? Whatever, I need this. Injuries in all the wrong places for a goaltender, this guy has. I hate to say this but I honestly wonder if his playing days are over. I hope the power of Ray Emery compels this guy to recovery. Maybe he needs a solid year off to properly heal and rehab like Emery did He seems like a good dude and you can see beneath all those problems there’s a great goalie under there. Get like…infinitely well soon.

Real talk: From a fan perspective, I am sooooooooo happy to have moved on from living in starting goalie purgatory. Oy vey. Even putting injuries aside, I will remember healthy Leclaire as the goalie who could make like 60 amazing saves AND STILL not steal the game. I know that is super harsh, but it’s true. Even at the beginning this season (which I don’t know if you noticed…but…NOT the best season) when Leclaire did play a few games, the consensus would be “LeClaire: Best Player On the Ice, Makes 50 Saves in 5-2 Sens Loss.” Hmmm..okay, so that’s awesome? Peace homie its been incredibly frustrating for all.

Robin Lehner C+ I think we can all agree that Robin Drago is fucking hillarierrifying? I think it was actually great in the long run that Robby’s (he would probably strangle me to death with his mind if I called him that) first foray into the NHL was less than stellar. If he was all aces, things would have gotten ever the more complex for the organization in net. I think this is a kid who has had a ton of success his whole life and could use a little adversity up in this peace. The raw talent is evident. Dude can play for real. You forget that he is in grade 10 when he’s on the ice. BUT what’s also evident is that he has a lot of work ahead of him. Just by looking at his records, he has work to do at the AHL level too. It’s no secret that goalies typically require a couple of years to develop. Robin has barely played at the AHL level and his NHL experience is only due to some very desperate times. I think it was a really smart move to put Andy in place for the foreseeable future and show Robin that he has a tall mountain to climb before he is HUNTING ANDERSON LIKE GAME (quote of the year?) for the starting job. I look forward to him being the new less intentionally hilarious Jeremy Roenick and somehow crazier Ron Hextall a couple seasons.  
Mike Brodeur Whatev + Oh how the mighty have fallen. I think in the goalie go round of 2010-11 expectations for this dude crashed the eff back down to earth huh? Been a rough go for Baby Bro this year. Battling injury and demotion to the ECHL Ticonderoga Bladerunners or whatever, Mike saw time in 3 leagues. Safe to say, for the casual fan his performance was hard to track. IM NOT MADE OF HAVING ANOTHER WINDOW OPEN TO CHECK HIS STATS. Anyway, as mentioned earlier, would love to see this guy in a tandem with Lehner for Bingo next season. 

In which we watch the movie “Alive” while talking about end o’ the season run off over the sound of people getting eaten

Posted on by
Reply

Conrad

So (deep breath):
1. The inevitable happened, and Cory Clouston got fired.
This has a little bit of a weird taste to it, given everyone knew it was going to happen, and yet they had to do it a couple of hours after the Bruins game and give him his press conference at the airport? Geezus. Don’t let the door hit you on the ass, I guess. The thing is, even after taking over a non-playoff team, and then coaching the fifth worst team in the league this year, he has a (barely) winning record. I don’t think he deserved the treatment, and am actually leaning toward feeling like he could have stayed another year, at least. But change needed to happen, and the coach is the easiest person to replace, so that’s that. He’ll get snatched up. Still, who else isn’t looking forward to yet another Murray coaching hire? Hopefully he doesn’t take another Craig “crack the whip” Hartsburg. And hopefully Bruce Garrioch maintains his error rate of about 87% and they don’t hire Bob Hartley. Weirdly, Peter DeBoer, the guy the team actually wanted three years ago, is now available again. He almost got the Panthers into the playoffs a couple of seasons ago, which makes him a miracle worker in my books.
Weirder were the comments by assistant coach Greg Carvel:
“Obviously, goaltending was the biggest part of it,” added Carvel, who also gave credit to the work of Ryan Shannon, Jason Spezza and Erik Karlsson, who he says is a “tremendous” penalty killer. “But again, it just felt like when Brian Elliott was in the net, the whole team struggled. When Craig Anderson was in the net, the team did pretty well. That provided confidence for the whole group, whereas with Elliott there was almost no confidence because any and every shot had the possibility of going in.”
Ouch.
2. Murray extended for three years.
Not a whole lot I can add that hasn’t already been said. Most people seem to be okay with his, or downright hate it. I get that Murray is respected and brings a lot of those intangibles to the table, but only in Ottawa does a team fire their GM a couple of weeks after going to the Final and then give an extension to his replacement after the team finished fifth last in the league. His bum moves outweigh his savvy ones, in my opinion, but I guess three years is only the term on paper. If this team stinks in a couple of years, they’ll fire his ass, and Melnyk has the money to pay him a nice retirement buy-out. In any case, I don’t love it, but I can live with it.
3. Melnyk in the media.
Seriously, man, shut up. Really. All confidence is lost when you speak. Let the hockey people run the show. Just show up in a Sens jersey every once in a while and wave to the camera, or say you have full faith in the staff you hired. Stop going on Toronto sports radio to talk about how you got rid of “the bad guys.” This guy runs a multinational pharmaceutical company? Doesn’t he have PR and comms people?
4. DRAFT LOTTERY TONIGHT
Ottawa has an approx. 8% chance of winning the lottery and getting 1st overall, and 70-something % chance of picking 5th, and a 17% chance of getting bumped down to 6th. The NHL also released their final draft ranking, and like everyone I’m left wondering why they have North American and International rankings so I have no idea who is ranked where overall. Looks like Couturier and Strome fell down in the rankings. Whatever, I don’t know anything about any of these players except for Landeskog, who I will feel sorry for if he’s in a Florida sweater come October. I’m looking forward to obsessively reading about some 18 year old’s backchecking.
5. Misc
Did you know that Columbus has selected in the top 8 in the draft EVERY. YEAR. SINCE. INCEPTION. except once. That’s just awful.

James

1. The inevitable happened, and Cory Clouston got fired.

Though I feel for the guy, I was thinking “another year, ashmuther year” in terms of what the Sens were going to do with him moving forward. I would have shrugged my shoulders to a one year extension, eaten my feelings to anything more, and am ultimately pleased with a firing. I would have thought it a token re-signing due almost entirely to the terrible number of coaches whove held the post the last few seasons (though some people choose to pad those stats by counting Bryan Murray as two coaches). Still bad numbers no matter how you slice it but, whatever, better to fire someone doing a lackluster job than keep them on to save face. I think Clouston is a developing NHL quality coach and I respect him for taking his abilities to the next level so quickly. I do stress that he is a developing coach and lacked a lot of assets that I think he will get better at over time like…I don’t know…communication. It got Carbonneau canned in MTL a couple years back and has made a TSN panelist out of many others. Spezza was pretty open that there were communication problems from day one and I for one am completely not surprised to hear that. I think part of coach’s job is to be hard on players and treat them like they are breaking curfew at a Bantam tournament in Trenton, New Jersey when the time comes but also to know that some of the team are like 35 or older and need something other than a bag skate to motivate them. In other words, a coach needs to be great manager of people and personalities. Clouston will get better at that but like so many other developing/struggling players of recent times I again feel, I’m rooting for you but go develop somewhere else and let Ottawa simply move forward. Good luck Clousty and may the power of the pumpkin spice tie/shirt combo compel you! Also, no pressure on finding the perfect replacement, Bry Bry. Did I say no pressure? Sorry scratch that…tons and tons of pressure, homie. Gelp. I am hoping for Peter DeBoer, because he is an NHL coach. Kick Muller seems like he’d be a coup and I wouldn’t be mad at Kevin Dineen up in this peace. Dave Cameron seems a little too Hartsberg 2.0 for me. Oy, it will probably be Cameron if The Euge gets his way.

Weirder were the comments by assistant coach Greg Carvel:

Speaking of being forthright, Greg “Ice Cream Cakes” Carvel was RIGHT PISSED wasn’t he? I would be too if I was running a PK operating at an astounding 90% clip SINCE FEBRUARY on a lottomax team full of AHL dudes and STILL got fired. Actually, this guys’ firing bothered me quite a bit. He was blamed for Ottawa’s putrid power play last season but it was my understanding that he was in charge of PK not PP. I could be wrong but either way, this is a guy I am as nervous about getting replaced by the right person as much as I am Clouston. I think they threw the baby out with the gaghebbsghthrs on this one.

2. Murray extended for three years.

Aight. This thing. So, Anderson gets four years, Murray gets THREE years at age 68…I should have applied for a job at whatever (likely evil) pharmaceutical company Melnyk owned because he sure likes securing peoples futures. Okay, so I agree that when you REALLY look at Murray’s record he has maybe made 2 boneheaded moves for every amazing move. I actually don’t know if that’s unimpressive for a GM. Anyway, I think a lot of his boneheaded actually can I just say boners? Boners, can be attributed to ye olde philosophy of “lets keep this team competitive/ try to sell tickets in the wake of the Heatley debacle.” So this comes down to two sorts of moves. 1. Signing/Letting walk of high priced aging veterans at the deadline 2. Signing of high priced aging (exclusively Russian) veterans in the off season. I think this is a practice that is going to be largely eschewed going forward. There have been hiccups along the way including the resigning Phillips and long term signing of Anderson. I for one don’t really see these as the worst things. Murray seems to be in a much different mindset (maybe given more freedom to build the team his way?) and will likely play on his strength of smart, under the radar drafting and build up the team going forward. That’s not to say there wont be an FA signing to come. He has indicated that he’s looking for a scoring winger (maybe he’s already found it with Butler?). He was also looking for a new goaltender and that’s already off the list. I think Murray’s contract is a year longer than I would have even OVERestimated. Though with much of the essentially overpaid aging core dealt, some vets left on to mentor, improved goaltending, some very exciting young pups in the fold and something like 5 picks in the first two rounds, I think its hard to deny that Murray has done an exceptional amount in a very VERY short period of time. All he has to do now if find a coach to match.

3. Melnyk in the media.

Ugh, this guy… I have to say when you see other teams with B.S. cheapskate / half hearted ownership (even George Gilette sold the Habs…because..he hates..money?) you start to appreciate that The Euge seems all up IN owning this team…but seriously, I think the guy’s been taking a few too many of Melnyk Apothecary Inc. brand Insufferablex pills. You start to think that Toronto media has him on the radio all the time to build up ammo for all those years of plan the parade jokes we’ve (deservedly) hurled at them. It was very refreshing to hear him back on earth talking about rebuilds and lowered expectations and quick turnarounds. Look, as resident glassy eyed optimist, even I was not “buckling the fuck up” to going anywhere other than a POSSIBLE 8th place finish and prompt smiting just like last season.

4. DRAFT LOTTERY TONIGHT

Right. Draft. Blah blah blah bad draft yadda yadda. Here’s the thing, we can listen to Pierre McGuire go on and uncomfortably on about such and such 18 year old having a fantastic physique, shimmering hair and how they are not only a fastastic player on the ice but also a tremendous person off the ice, all the live long day. But when it comes down to it, no one REALLY fucking knows much about this stuff. Cant miss kids like John Tavares, Tyler Seguin, Victor Hedman, theyre doing pretty good. And thats great. Sorry, it’s pretty GOOD. They cant all come into the bigs to be the Steven Stamkos level guy that they are pretty much all made out to be. Shit even Stamkos didnt at first. Whats funny is no one really does a great job of predicting the Jeff Skinners, Jordan Eberleseses, Logan Coutures and Pernel Karl Subbans. In fact, I looked at the rookie scoring race for 2010-2011 over at TSN.ca and the top five aint 1,2,3, 4 and 5. What I’m saying here is…the draft she’s a funny thing. I was intially pretty bummed about Erik Karlsson…THAT’S RIGHT I SAID IT…I was all “oh great a 5’10 160lbd defenseman. Yeah, that’s going to be sad when Milan Lucic puts his elbow through teenage dreams on the rush. I was wrong on that one. He’s our best defenseman AND WE HAVE SERGEI GONCHAR!?!
Then I was all sad face when the Sens missed out on Nazim Khadri and had to take boring old (young) Jared Cowan. Ho Hum, a defensive defenseman with a surgically reconstructed knee. I mean, who knows how he’ll turn out but I’m happier to have the much needed shut down mind of Cowan (whos had an incredible year in the WHL) than the dangling of Khadri (who is pretty awesome but, non-draft pick ups Butler, Greening, Condra and Da Costa help to soften the blow of not taking the forward).

-A glut of exciting non-draft college pick ups

-5 picks in two rounds

-Lehner developing in Bingo

-Cowan and Rundblad, Weircioch coming into camp this fall and apparently Silferberg too…

Nope, we didn’t get top three. There will be no Omega Karlsson (Larsson) or Ted Nugent-Sir Anthony Hopkins. All we can do is sit and watch and trust that Bry-Bry picks the best player available and hope we get another gem like Karlsson (taken 15th by the way!) Happy watching!

5. Misc

Did you know that Ottawa has selected Bryan Berard, Alexandre Daigle, Alexei Yashin, and Radek Bonk with top 3 picks; all of whom are younger than Daniel Alfredsson (58thround/4031st overall) and none of whom play in the NHL?

Bonus:

Also, next time you feel like a dork saying Scotia Bank Place: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/KFC_Yum!_Center


 

Where we attempt to talk about next season’s defense and then something happens…and then we continue to talk about next seasons’s defense

Posted on by
Reply

Most of the game's score prediction brought to you by Steven

Conblad

I’m gonna live up to Smooth Jimmy’s expectations and try to stay positive today. How about David Rundblad winning the Salming tropy in the SEL for best defenseman at only 20 years old? He’s set to make it next year, even if he gets off to a slow start and doesn’t adjust well to the North American game for a few weeks. With Murray’s re-signing of Phillips (stay….positive…) that gives Ottawa the following (likely) backend.
Shoo-ins: Phillips, Gonchar, Karlsson, Rundblad, Kuba
Inside track, still might not make it: Cowen, Wiercioch
One way contracts / what the hell do we do with these guys: Lee, Carkner
Possible others: Gryba, Hale (pending UFA)
How do you see the d-corps shaping up? Can we trade Kuba at the draft? Are Lee and Carkner worth anything at all? (Answer: no.) Do you see Phillips, Gonchar and Kuba all having bounceback years at the same time? Will there ever be a time when this team doesn’t have a log jam on the blue line?
Carkter
There will def be an adjustment period for Swedish Dave (he needs a knickname, James is good at that stuff, get on it!) Weird that when I got this mail I was listening to Dungen…

Anywho, here’s my idea on how this goes and even possible pairings
Karlsson – Gonchar
Phillips – Rundblad (he’ll need Phillips for backup)
Kuba – Carkner (ugh, Carkner will start fights while Kuba looks for a light switch to flick on and off to get him to stop)
Lee – Wiercoch (I look for this pair to average a shift a game)

Okay so maybe I put those pairings together just to make those admittedly bad jokes. I don’t see Cowan making this club out of camp, big jump from the WHL to the big time. Murray’s boys don’t usually skip Bingo. What I’d really like to happen is to convert Carkner to a 4th line forward since he fights anyways and I’ve gone on record believing a top 6 defenseman shouldn’t be a fighter. Lee probably ends up bouncing between pairings and the press box.

Hale’s not coming back and if Gryba isn’t getting his shot now, when are we to expect it?

Jamesson

Hey, sorry Im late just sending your friend a Get Well Soon card after reading his incredibly well written / well eyes welling up with sports tears article on the Cleveland Cavaliers linked in the last post. Chin up little homie.
WHOOPS! im getting a page on my new two way pager! Let me call the number to check my mailbox to check the message *elevator music*

BREAKING NEWS: HIGHLY TOUTED COLLEGE PROSPECT STEPHANE DA COSTA SIGNS WITH OTTAWA! (verbosity all but guaranteed to follow!) WELL HON HON HON TO THAT!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway ignoring that incredibly interesting breaking news…I see the D comme ca:

Gonchar – Karlsson: You heard that right, I think Karlsson is at first line status ALREADY…despite his nightmare +/- it’s really not that much different than most of the other worst +/- in the league Sens defenders this season. Plus, I like to blame a solid -15 to Brian Elliot’s glove hand/ inability to move laterally at the NHL level.
Phillips – Cowan: yep, that’s right baby fella, I see Cowan on the squad to start the year at least. Im not married to this prediction but I also don’t know anything about anything so theres that. 🙂
Kuba – Rundblad: This is the getting used to the NHL game pairing. I think playing with Rundblad The Impaler will teach Kuba a lot about playing a skilled yet physical game in the big leagues before Kuba is sent down to the Elmira Jackals to get his game together.
Lee –  Carkner / Mysterio: I think Lee has actually earned himself a spot with his solid, redefined game down the stretch this season. He’ll still have to fight for a spot but I think he’ll do well now that he has established a new identity as a player.
Like all people from Ottawa – maybe not Peter-  I loves me some Matt Carkner but I will concede however that bro-bro is teetering on a line b/t NHL and AHL standing (as is the nature of having been a 27 year old rookie I suppose) but yeah with Carks coming off knee surgery I think depending on how he responds in the summer (though from what I hear he’s a hard off season worker) BUT …I think that Lee has created a good possibility for a spot for himself on the D corps. . .but one muck up and there may be an opening if you aks me.
Kuba buyout would be kind of awesome. “You cant always get what you want / but if you try sometimes / you fuckin get what ya beibs” – Freddy Nietzsche

Shame Day Preview: Ottawa AlleyesonAndersons Vs. New York (city) Messi Comet Sightings

Posted on by
2

Hi!

BREAKING NEWS: Craig Anderson got a raise recently.

Craig Anderson gets his first start in the wake of signing a 10 year 45 billion dollar city on the moon and after recovering from an undisclosed case of Pascal Leclairitus. Maybe I am a little stupidstitious but it was a weeee bit scary watching Murray sign his second injured goalie in a row. Tonight’s the night for Andy to shake the bad memories out and NOT get re-injured after receiving a lucrative contract (Break the cycle if not just for me, Craig, then…for your country? Me make sense? Not no mores!)
Patrick Wristwatch will play his second game as an Ottawa Senator. According to everything I read, no one who watched the last game was happy with his play sooooo best of luck young man! His parents will be in the audience AS WILL ROMAN WICK’S! – don’t worry only a couple more of these to read before the end of the season! Oh, oh,  hold on im getting a text on my Newton, it says “Or u could just quit now bro, lol, g2g ttyl” Please someone help me figure out what a lot of that means in the comment section, Im turning 65 this month I cant be bothered to figure out new acronyms, thx.
The Senators can be mathematically eliminated from their TIGHT playoff race with the powerhouse Islanders with a loss tonight. Is that when it is fun to cheer for a win again?
Speaking of playoff spots, the New York City Rangers look to improve their playoff standing and, lets face it Sens fans, have a preeeeetty good chance considering how star defenseman Wade Redden tends to light it up against his old clu- oh hold on… just doing some very believable research on the Official Rangers’ Friendster page…hmmmph…Wade Redden doesn’t appear to be listed in tonights starting lineup…I hope its just a typo. I was really looking forward to another chapter in that epic Redden-Cheechoo rivalry.
Oh well, Lionel Messi (who wears his Coca Cola/ Claro(?)/ Adidas presents: Agentina jersey AND jacket in public apparently) gets the start in net for New York. Oh scratch that folks, it will be Henrik Lundqvist who according to askjeeves is, reportedly, dashing.

Prediction thing: Lundqvist remains dashing, Wiercioch on the ice for a goal *tugs collar*, Karlsson finishes game with more points than Wade Redden. Just kidding Redden’s new team The Ypsilanti Aristocrats don’t play until Saturday.

Enjoy the game everyone!

Shame Day Preview: The Ottawa Media Overdoing with whole Goalie Graveyard thing vs. (North) Carolina Torontoplayoffhopes

Posted on by
2

Can we all agree that these Calvin things are the tackiest? Did you know that they cost money? If you are an adult with one of these things on your car: Please log off your supervised computer workstation and remove and resume being a grown up. Thanks, CCFR: Life Coaching Division

 So this is a weird one. Also, welcome to this website.

Does anyone else feel me that 7pm starts are too damn early (big problems on my mind!) considering our stadium is in Glendale, AZ and
my shift at the Snuggie factory ends at not long before 7pm?
Anyway, there is a hockey game tonight between the still Eastern basement dwelling Ottawa Senators and the hopefully finishing ahead of the maple loafs Carolina Hurricanes.
Usually, I spend most of these posts talking about the Senators because, frankly, I care about that team way more than whatever other team is playing them. This is no exception buuuut I do understand that the East has some pretty hefty outcomes between oh lets say, 7th and 10th place going on tonight.
 

 

Talking Point:
If you are a Sens fan that likes both the Ottawa and Toronto you are a guy I met at a Christmas party a few months ago and are also still the only person I’ve EVER heard say that. If you’re any other Sens fan, this has got to be a challenging game for you EMOTIONALLY (sorry about misusing you there, emotions).
Should the Sens WIN tonight they will greatly improve the hated leafs position in the standings. Moreover if, Jah forbid, the leafs win as well, they will become tied for 9th place with Carolina while the Buffalo Sabres continue to pretend that they will not miss the playoffs by one point.

“You’ve left me in a quandary Liz Lemon……..a quandary” – You, doing your best Tracy Jordan.

 Have the 2010-2011 garbage dump edition Senators left you struggling with the questions such as:
 
 “Do I really wish to see the Sens lose in order to help their bitter rival lose MORE?”

“Have I started to care more about the leafs losing than the Senators #winning?”

“Is this what its been like to be a leafs fan since the end of the lockout/most of the last half century and AS SUCH am I getting that same feeling I did when I first saw the mask come off of Darth Vadar and it was revealed that despite his annoying fans who boo Alfie for the dumb-babiest reason ever that he was just a feeble old man under that scary mask the whole time or to a lesser extent like the time I saw that episode of Heman where he caught #Skeletor by the hand just as he was falling into a bottomless pit and Heman was faced with the conundrum of having to decide whether to save his sworn enemey’s skeleton life OR rid the cartoon world of that weird skeleton-based…uhh..,sorcerer FOREVER?”

These are all clearly very important questions.

 “We shalt see-eth, shant we?”  – Two Time Source Award Nominee, Billy Bort Shakespeare

More game stuff:
Recent hot hand haver and hard last name to remember how to speller Curtis McElhinney gets the start because of Pascal LeClaire bad injury karma still in the building. Also drawing into the lineup is that offensive-defensemen prospect that we all forgot about in a post-Runblad world, Peter Wiercioch (AGAIN with the last names!) makes his NHL debut.
I am looking forward to getting a look at the kid’s game (which has apparently picked up considerably the past while in Binghamsandwiches) I hope he gets some PP time (#no Calvin) and an Ipad for Xmas.
 
Interestingish Thing:
Carolina has defeated Ottawa in their last two matchups by a margin of 11-1 #BrianElliot. The interesting thing is that this time they will be facing a drastically different Ottawa team in its makeup. Will this serve as a boon or a thing that’s the opposite of a boon for the Senators? And WHAT IS the nature of a boon for the Sens at this point in the season? Its been a rollercoaster of emotions up in here. What are your thoughts? Feel free to SOUND THE EFF OFF feign mild interest in the comment section.

Happy professional sporting match watching!
 
 

 

OH and Gathering of the CCCP (Cory Clouston Clown Posse) in full effect at McLarens (located at the corner of Elgin and some other street) tonight. Stop by for a chat about the Sens and a very long pause regarding who’s picking up the next round. Wow, just put us into some brave new world type shit there.    

 



Shame Day Preview: Ottawa Novalevs Vs. Pittsburgh, By All Means, Enjoy Your Kovalevs

Posted on by
Reply

psshhht...more like...AK...72! wtvr #hilaaaaaariousjoke

Helllooooooo everybody and welcome to a game that has Alexei Kovalev in it! So FINALLY, Kovalev returns to fasdfjhklfdjg against his former fasdfkl;rgbvbmnx tonight at Scotiabankplace.tumblr.tv
If this game is like any of the times he faced his former clubs (including Pittsburgh) as a Senator, Kovy shooooould be registering 0Gs 0As and skate to a disinterested -2. Okay, in fairness, that’s when he was playing for the BRUUTAL pre fire sale Senators …you KNOW this guy will score a heroic game winning goal because he is seriously the most frustrating player in the game.

You know what I think about this whole Kovalev thing?

“What is it?!?!?” – Everyone.

I am glad you asked, Everyone!

I don’t give a crunch about this dude anymore and I for one am very happy about that. Guy can go win the Stanley cup every single day till he retires at age 50. You know why? He doesn’t play for the Senators for $5M dollareedoos (all figures in Australian currency) per year. I remember back when Kovalev was left at home while rest of the Canadiens went on a road trip so he could catch up on his Small Engine Cessna Aficionado subscription I remember thinking, “Good lord, I am glad THAT dude does not play for the Sens.” And then my daymares came true and I got to think about like “why the hell did fans protest when the Habs weren’t going to resign him?”

Getting Kovalev off the books as quick as possible (albeit for a verrry whatevs pick but also for no salary in return!) has freed up the Sens roster and allowed future playboys like Bobby “BEEEEE” Butlah to play the top 6 minutes their game is designed for. And that’s been working out and that’s nice and I like things that are nice.

Craig Lee-Anderson gets the start and he is good at goaltending. Jason Spezza looks to score his billionth point of the last two weeks tonight, seriously dude is on a MISSION. What eeeeeelse? Oh Jim O’Brien draws into the lineup bringing much needed hilarious two way hair. Defensemen Andre Benoit has been brought up as well. Benoit is a human man…according to his Wikipedia stub plays professional hockey (cant confirm that Wikipedia exists btw).
Conversely, down to the Playoff Fightin’ Binghamton Squad are recent acquisition and star of Hollow Man 3, Ryan Poutine-ly (did this guy even play?) as well as defensemen D. Smith, who is not Zack Smith. The CCFR wishes both players best wishes and hopes they can find their visibility cloaks down in Binghamton*
*While in Binghamton, NY stop by T.J. Knickerbockers for their World Famous Pizza Salad in an Eggo bowl!  

Prediction Thing:  Alexei Kovalev – 0 points in last 6 games according to tsn.ca/nhl.angelfire.datelinenbc.html.co.nz will probably find a way to score because that’s gunna be stupid and i dont like things that are stupid so stupid things will happen.

Thing: Can you spot thing awesome thing in the background of Steven’s Shame day Image?

Serious bit: Please donate to the good people doing truly important work down at Rogers House tonight for their telethon. http://www.rogershouse.ca/en/ Roger’s House provides a “home away from home” for children with life-limiting illnesses and their families.

 Enjoy the game everyone!

 “We will” – Everyone

Lame Day Preview: The Condrawa Freezing Rain Vs. The Florida is Not a City #HashTagJokes

Posted on by
Reply

Welcooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmme to this Lame Day Preview for tonight’s matchup (weird start..but…okay!)!

So lets get started with a few XXXXXXXXXXX Factors at work for tonights game:

Most importantly, the homesickness factor for Ottawa. As we all know, for professional athletes, and trust me I know all about that lifestyle having seen Jason Spezza run into Ryan Shannon at Winterlude one time and Nick Foligno at the airport another time, one of the hardest parts about the job is the ever grueling road trip. It is safe to say that it could serve as a distraction when the Sens arrive in Florida they will start missing the late winter freezing rain and disgusting slush daymare that is back home while suffering in 26 degree Sunrise, Forida A PLACE NAMED AFTER THE FUCKING SUN. God, Im sick of winter. Don’t let it get you down boys we are holding down the fort (fort = wet feet) here, you ARE missing out but try to focus on the pre game golf.

NeXt Faktor: Eric Condra.. This guy was ON last game. And a couple of games before that…If you don’t know this kid yet, he’s like Alex Kovalev but doesn’t wait dozens upon dozens of games to have a multi-goal performance. Oh, he also gives a damn that he is playing professional hockey!

Running Theme: I know we’re not supposed to get excited about anything during the rebuild but its pretty exciting that this guy has 6 points in 10 NHL games. It’s also been pretty exciting to see Super Condra and Bambino Butler get some decent points on the board now that they’ve been given some ice time down the garbage juice stretch that is the rest of the season. #thewordexciting

Whoa, my twitter(.tumblr.com) is BLOWING UP with countless requests of “#Can you please draw more weird correlations between Eric Condra and Alex Kovalev?”
I sure can.

Remember how Kovalev was traded for a 7th round pick and everyone (even me kind of…but moving on…) was super bummed out that it was a useless return? Yeh…guess who was a 7th round pick? Eric Condra …211th overall. Now, Im not saying let’s Pee-ter Regin-Jensen our pants over a guy who’s about to play his 11th game (I WILL have cups of hot urine thrown on me for that Regin joke) but it goes to show how positioning in the draft is important but ALSO that quantity of picks is a good thing too. The draft is a crap shoot right? So, might as well uhh…increase your odds of …shooting?…Crap? Is that a thing? Anyway, Alex Kovalev was frustrating. Ottawa has a lot of picks.

Craig Anderson gets the start for what, a month straight? Seems to be working out. Meanwhile, Curtis McElhinney takes over “12 year old boy sitting on the bench” duty from Brian Lee. Speaking of Lee…did anyone else notice recently grown ass man Brian Lee sleeping in a big boy bed against the Devils? He was kiiiiind of a beast out there! At the beginning of the season if you told me I would be saying stuff like “Brian Lee did a great job of shutting down Ilya Kovalchuk on Tuesday March 8th, 2011” I would have told you, “You are definitely a person who can predict the future and/or travel in time. Now, please now tell me what tomorrow’s lottery numbers are so I can win hundreds of dollars and stop bothering everyone/shaming my parents all the time with this blogging nonsense. Now, lets get in your time machine and go kill Hitler.” #TimeCopWinning

Oh speaking of twitter and sitting on the bench,  huge thanks to @REALFrancisLessardBookClub for this exclusive sound bite from the man himself on his progress with Dostoyevsky’s The House of the Dead “Character development has remained slow to say the least but if I hold fast with my patience, this could prove to be one of the most moving selections in #dostoysevsky’soeuvre”
Hot MESS! Exclusive, exclusive! Lessard is the new #BizNastytwopointBRO!

Geez Louise, I cant believe I wrote this much for the second post trade deadline Florida-Ottawa game in three weeks.

Prediction Thing: Read a piece of press on Ryan Shannon making the most of his opportunity today. Last season when I read a piece of press on Ryan Shannon making the most of his opportunity he basically didn’t score for the rest of the year so. . . Ryan Shannon will not score. Prove me wrong, Ryan Shannon, Prooooooove meeeeeeee wrong!

LOTTOMAXESKOG UPDATE: Honestly, again, don’t worry about wins…Ottawa is doing TERRIBLE still. It’s just that the goalie doesn’t let in 6 goals every game now and people are scoring somewhat consistently. It just seems shocking because we’re still not used to that.

Lame Day Preview: Extra Lame Sauce Edition! Ottawa Landeskogs vs. New Jersey Drying Paint

Posted on by
3

So, lets get hyyyyyyyyyyyyyyped!!!!!!!!!! This morning, between HI-LAR-I-OUS jokes about boobs (probably) by “Jungle” Jim (GREAT NAME FOR AN ADULT!) on Team 1200, the other guy (what am I? MADE of knowing stuff about terrible radio? Note: I’m working on it) attempted to get a preview of tonight’s game Vs. the Devils going with the much more palatable morning version of future Sens GM Pierre McGuire. McGuire really got the fanbase worked into a frenzy of excitement by forecasting a game for ‘Ottawa fans who just want to get a look at the prospects and hardcore New Jersey fans’ *AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRHORRRRRRRRRRRRRRN!!!!!!!!!!* COME ON FEEL THE NOIIIIIIIIIIIISE GIIIIIIIIIIIRLS (happy International Womyns day btw) GET READY FOR SOME AHL PLAYERS AGAINST A STIFLING TRAP SYSTEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY WANT MOOOOORE MOOOOOORE MOOOOOOOOOORE CUZ THE BRUUUUUIN’S ARE NOT BORING ENOOOOOOOUGH!!! *blistering guitar solo*

Whew, I need a second to come down. . . wow. Can someone get me a High C and Vodka or something?  

I mean, Im going to watch the game and all… but definitely with other stuff going on (Laundry Live Blog?) When was the last time you played Scrabble? Do you know how to play cribbage? Its pretty fun. Check it out!!!!!!!!!

Pleasant surprise Colin Greening draws into the line up so that’s a thing that’s happening. As for other AHL call up news, the votes have been tallied and its official the next Dostoyevsky novel that Francis Lessard will read is going to be… THE HOUSE OF THE DEAD! OHHHHH SNAP!! An upset victory over the heavily favored Notes From Underground! Francis thanks you for all your votes and promises he should be done soon.  H/T to @REALfrancislessardbookclub for the tip!

 New Jersey looks to win their fifth straight against Les Boys as they are sizzling hot and rising in the Eastern standings

Smooth Jimmy’s Science Korner: Sizzling hot and rising in the Eastern standings is completely independent from playing a remotely entertaining brand of hockey.

Prediction Thing: I will follow through on my plans to drink Caesars with Steven during the game, Spezza scores a goal, Caesar stains fail to show on my red Sens jersey.

Lame Day Preview: Ottawanderson Coopers Vs. Atlanta Hottendance Issues

Posted on by
1

HEY BORTS FANS!

Tonight our beloved Senators (still okay to belove them during the rebuild? Get at me about that) take on the sometimes really good sometimes not so good Thrasherz of Hotlantapeg.

Let’s get straight to the X factors* of this game!     

*really? X Factors? What am I future Sens GM and Microphone hand always showing stanley cup ring on TV personality Pierre McGuire?

For Atlantis: I saw highlights on TSN of the game the other night twixt the Thrashers and the Canadiens and HOT MESS the one hundred section wasn’t even a quarter full. I am not kidding. Note to Atlanta Ushers: move all the people in the building to where to camera can see – this includes vendors – hell, fill a seat yourself. Also another  Hot Tip:  Shoot the game with video cameras that were made in the last 30 years.
There is a real possibility of the Thrashers being distracted by people actually watching them perform the iced hockeys. So, fans at the game be loud and proud and try to out cheer all the Thrashers fans that infiltrate the arena. What else?…Oh, Dustin Byfuglien (pronounced By-Fug-Lee-Ehn) is currently challenging Metro Detroitland Area octogenarian Knickerbocker “Nic” Lidstrom for the Norris trophy…so I don’t know? Gelp when Atlanta gets a power play or 10?

For HOTTawa (we’re Canada’s HOTlanta….you know…minus the Hot…part): Two words: Craig “Greg” Anderson! These stats speak themselves six goals in five games. Pretty good numeros for a goaltender wearing an Ottawa Senators jersey. Now…
X factor 2, should ‘Andy’ (copyright, CCFR) stand on his ugly new mask, can the Sens score one goal? Jus’ playin yall. I find it was really hyped how the Sens were shut out 1-0 last game but I think the Bearenstein Borin’s are a bit of a special case – You guys snore your way to a cup New Jersey style! – If the Thrash (copyright, CCFR) play anywhere near how I think they do (note: I honestly find it painful to know anything about this team…) the Sens should be able to open it up a bit and score on whoever their goalie is – what im like Bob Cole I just call them “The Goalie” also like Bob Cole I am TERRIBLE at covering hockey. If Bobby Butler scores tonight (during the game, pervs) … I will take your advice and throw myself in blogger jail (which is a real thing) FOREVER!

Larsen Lottomax Update: An Oilers win and a Sens loss puts the Senators in dead last in the NHL which I am still adjusting to feeling good about.

Boston Strengthened By Division Rivals Vs. Ottawa Contract Extensions

Posted on by
Reply

Some funny talk around the camp fire about how the Sens are effing up their Lottamax pick because they are doing so great now…ONE win in January and what? four wins in February don’t worry bro/sis, Im pretty sure five wins in two months goes a long way come daft day.
God(.com), I thought as fans our job was to be patient during the rebuild…i mean I don’t definitely want to go off on a rant here but pump your breaks cousin(s) in a little under a month Murray deals Fisher, Kelly, Ruutu, Kovalev, Elliot and Campoli and everyones all “WHERES THE KUBA TRADE!?, WHERES THE GONCHAR TRADE!?” Easy, eaaaaasy. Look at Kuba, guy has been a shadow of of a shadow of an icingless toaster strudel since coming back from a broken leg and has less than 10 points going into March. Gonchar, coming off injury today and back into the grind chipping away at a career worst season..oh at a significant raise from last year…yeah maybe I can see why these guys werent moved –  for term alone I could see GMs passing. That or offering something that would piss you off like you were pissed off seeing Kovy moved for…but then double that. Speaking of Kovalev, its unlikely he would have moved if he were not a rental and was having a much better season than barf of the other two guys. Maybe it happens next season…maybe it doesn’t happen. Maybe Francis Lessard scores 4 goals tonight. . . I’m just a human man. . . made of flesh and stuffed with shredded Chinese newspapers. M’kay

LETS TALK ABOUT THE GAME!
So the Boston Things come to town for what feels like the 60th time this season. But THIS time…uhh… I don’t know, Local Millionaire Chris Phillips will be … enjoying a new contract?
Also, Chris Kelly will be in attendence for the newly minted Monthly Chris Kelly Bowl! Will Kelly defeat his former team or will blah blah blah !? !!! ??!? Tune in literally every month to find out!
At least we wont have to watch Kovalev not underperform against his former clubs anymore. That guy was …frustrating. #amIrightfriends?youguysknowwhatimtalkingabout!
We have the potential to see an interesting game as thanks to some first period Wiccan Warcraft (.tumblr.tv) by Craig Anderson last game, the Sens were able to regroup and put together a decisive victory against the East leading Flyers. If the boys can play like that again, it could potentially piss a lot of people off in comment sections. Now that I’ve alienated a lot of people, ENJOY THE GAME! …or like…don’t…I’m confused as to whether we’re supposed to enjoy games now. Either way … people are RICH, right?